I struggle with Princess Charlotte

[IHateCoronavirus]

Just that really, and I so wish I didn’t.
She was born just after newborn DD died.

Every time I see a picture of her in the news I long for my own little girl with brown hair who would have been the same age. First day at school broke me, but there will be first day at secondary, university, marriage, babies.

I know I should get over myself but the what could have beens always get me when I least expect it.

HateCoronavirus, love and hugs to you, no appropriate words except 'I'm so sorry'. x

Ah, I've said this so many times on here now. On Monday ds2 was born and died 23 years ago. I still think of him every day but I promise it does eventually stop hurting.

He would have been my darker haired child, more sensitive and musical than alpha, sporty ds1.

And now I glance at dd, the light of my life, sipping wine, wrapped in long blonde hair, just turned 22. And my heart breaks again at what might not have been.

They were dark times and there is still a year I barely remember but they passed.

Thank you OhTheRoses that is exactly what I needed to hear

So sorry for the loss of your baby girl op. No op, I don't think you ever get over it, it sort of travels with you. I always think my ds would have been x years old now and wonder what he would have looked like etc. Milestones such as starting school etc. can feel especially painful. I always tend to quietly mark what would have been his birthday. You see, we have lost all the 'what should have beens' too op. I cry less these days but I think about ds every day at some point. I can totally understand Charlotte being a trigger for grief. I have school age children and quite often see children at the school the same age as what my ds should have been. I think the constant exposure has made me slightly more immune but still, there are some days when the realisation takes my breath away.

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry Princess Charlotte's existence causes you ongoing pain.

I hope I'm not being insensitive here as I haven't personally experienced the horror of losing a baby and would hate to upset anyone, but I do truly believe that the way these things work is that your daughter's soul will seek you out and find you in some other way.

There are so many extraordinary stories of very young children talking to their parents about 'when they were here before' and knowing about family houses they 'lived in' before they were born etc - knowledge that has no rational explanation.

Such lovely stories which strongly suggest that the connection between us and those we love is far stronger than life or death and doesn't stop when someone dies. She may be destined to come back into your life as another child, or a close friend, but definitely as someone who you will love and who will love you back.

Hope this is of some comfort. x

for all the lost children you have shared with me.

Thank you milk

A very eloquent post OhTheRoses.

I understand where you're coming from. I had a missed miscarriage, found out at the 12 week scan. I was devastated and went through a terrible time. Baby was measured at 9 weeks, so three weeks had gone by when I found out. Waited another 2 then to let nature try. Nothing. Horrific experience with medical management after that.

ExBF's stepdad was so proud to announce the successful 12 week scan of his DD within a week. I remember overhearing his DM on the phone saying "Aww such a shame, but did you hear about xxx's baby?!"
It was like being slapped in the face. I think about that little girl and the life she'll lead but only very rarely now. I hadn't thought about it for a few years until I read this. It must be so much more awful for you, my experience is so minimal in comparison, I just wanted to say I understand in my own small way.
I'm so sorry

indemMUND that must have been so painful for you. I’m sorry for your loss

for everyone who has shared their losses. 20 years on I am occasionally floored with emotion at what could and should have been. I still think about him every day.

If it is helpful, then: I think about the sixteen-year old, the two nine year olds, and the two eight year olds. I didn't get to meet them. I don't have a formed sense of them, because I lost them quite early on, but I recognise what you're saying. I am sending love and solidarity to you.

Dear OP I'm so sorry for your great loss. Why wouldn't you miss her every day?

I am coming to believe the stories we tell ourselves about those we have lost have an important truth and reality for us.

Sending you love from a stranger.

And I agree - @OhTheRoses, you are so eloquent.

I had identical twins 18 years ago and only one child survived. I’ve never had to wonder what my son would have looked like, which is an odd sensation.

Yes it gets easier. Or perhaps not easier but different. I still get pangs of absolute gut wrenching grief. But you learn to live with it I think. Hugs xx

So many children gone thank you for holding my hand everyone. It feels so comforting to not be alone.

It's what we're here for lovely. Sleep well.

@ihatecoronavirus
I'm truly sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry that you lost your precious girl. It's really an extra pain you didn't need that such a public child will constantly reflect your 'should have been's back at you. Sending you caring thoughts. xxx

So sorry for your loss

Have just read this thread..so many brave Mummies here..lots of love to all of you and your precious babys 💕💐💕

Oh that's so sad @IHateCoronavirus

I don't blame you for struggling with that.

This is so terribly sad. Don't think for a moment that you should "get over yourself", OP. I wish I could help. Sending love and sympathy to you and all those posting here who have suffered that unbearable pain.

So sorry, OP, and anyone else who’s lost a child.

I’m sorry for your loss x

Never ever think that you should get over it. You will never get over a loss, you just get used to the pain unfortunately.

Massive hugs to everyone x