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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

DD1 feels sad inside because her daddy is dead

64 replies

Yorkiegirl · 30/03/2007 09:54

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

FoghornLeghorn · 30/03/2007 09:55

AnAngelWithin · 30/03/2007 09:55

i dont know what to say. really feel for all of you.

CadburyCremeSquonk · 30/03/2007 09:56

tortoiseSHELL · 30/03/2007 09:56

Oh YG - hugs to you all. Winston's wish are great, hope she and you are ok. xxx

happybiggirl · 30/03/2007 09:56

Message withdrawn

kittypants · 30/03/2007 09:56

has she spoken to you about it since?ive no advice as never been in situation

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 09:57

Thats so sad, but at least she has been able to voice her feelings. Perhaps she feels that she might upset you if she tells you? ( Although I'm sure you haven't given her that impression - I felt like that when i was little and my favourite uncle, my mum's brother, died unexpectedly aged 21).

brimfull · 30/03/2007 09:58

YG,I really feel for you and your dds,atleast she has opened up,talking about how she feels will help her.

ScottishThistle · 30/03/2007 09:58

I think it's a good sign that she's expressing her feelings, doesn't sound like anything to worry about...Big hugs...x

Saturn74 · 30/03/2007 09:58

spudmasher · 30/03/2007 09:58

Now might be a good time for bereavment counselling.
I don't know a lot about it but hopefully you will get some good advice here.
I do work with children though and I do know that to be able to recognise and verbalise emotions is a good thing- it's called emotional literacy.
I'll bet it has stirred up all sorts of emotions for you as well.

satine · 30/03/2007 09:58

YG - that just makes me want to cry. I can't imagine how sad it must make you - although you probably couldn't be much sadder. I often think of you all.

Do you think it might be a good sign that she has spoken about her dad's death for the first time? I don't know, but I hope it might be.

KaySamuels · 30/03/2007 09:58

Oh poor little thing, take some comfort in the fact she can talk about her feelings hun. You must both miss him so much, give her a big hug and let her know you can both miss him together. Good idea to get some support too.

DaffodilsforeasterFlower3554 · 30/03/2007 09:59

Poor little thing Tell her its ok to feel sad, that you feel sad too.

I would also say that it's a good thing she has been able to say this rather than keep it in.{{{hugs}}}

DrMarthaMcMoo · 30/03/2007 09:59

Oh YG I don't know - maybe it's a little bit of a step forward for her. I really do think it's healthier if she's starting to talk about her feelings - she's maybe scared of making you sad too if she talks about feeling sad?

My niece was 7 when my uncle died and she wouldn't talk about her feelings at all - in fact she never talked about her Dad full stop. I always got the impression she was angry with him (which is not an unusual reaction, either, I know).

I think it's better that your dd is beginning to talk about her feelings, I really do.

LilyLoo · 30/03/2007 10:00

Does she talk about ti or is this the first time she has begun to discuss it ? for you it must be terribly difficult.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 30/03/2007 10:03

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

FoghornLeghorn · 30/03/2007 10:03

Sorry YG - was distracted by DD weeing on the floor right in front of me.

I think it is good that she has now opened up about her feelings. Must be so hard for a 5 year old to even try and make sense of not having their dad around anymore

LilyLoo · 30/03/2007 10:05

Sorry YG i don't know your story. Is this recent. She sound very angry, understandably. Have you thought of counselling for her ?

GameGirly · 30/03/2007 10:08

YG, I'm so very sorry for you. I (fortunately) have absolutely no experience of such a situation but I couldn't not say anything. I'd agree with PPs who suggest it is a good thing that she is perhaps starting to talk about her feelings, and maybe the tantrums are just her way of acting them out and releasing some tension. I hope you get some help and support soon.

snowleopard · 30/03/2007 10:09

I'm sure this has been raised before but are you reassuring her that it is not her fault that he died? Many children do automatically feel that it is and need to be reassured otherwise.

The screaming and tantrums are understandable - her way of letting emotion out. I think it's a great credit to you as a mother and how you have coped so far, that she feels able to do this, and to talk to her teacher - she feels secure and safe. Just encourage her to talk and feel sad with you when she needs to. Perhaps also look at some photos together if you don't feel it's too soon for that.

It is hard now but this bodes well for her coping well in the long term.

sassy · 30/03/2007 10:10

YG, I am so sad for your dds (and you).
It must be so hard for you to cope with your own grief while supporting your daughters too. It is positive she feels she can talk to someone.
Winston's wish may help. hope they call back soon. Does school have a nurse/counsellor type (I'm guessing nt at a primary).
You are all doing well even if you don't feel like it.

GameGirly · 30/03/2007 10:11

By the way, YG, how are YOU doing?

willywonkasEgghunt · 30/03/2007 10:14

That you have left channels open for dd to be able to express her feelings to her teacher is testament to the support dd continues to receive from you. Can't offer any advice but wanted to send hugs and best wishes to both of you x

RubyRioja · 30/03/2007 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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