Reading CAM's post has reminded me of something else. I remember the week following my mum's death being very strange as lots of her friends were coming to the house when they got the news and my brother my cousins and I were in the middle of it all, playing. My mum's best friend was on holiday when it happened and I remember her coming round about 5 days after and as she walked through the hall where we were playing she looked at us, stricken, and said 'are you ok?'. I rememeber feeling rwally sorry for her because she looked so sad and I said 'Yes thank you, I think I'm over the worst now'. !!! And I thought I was because we'd spent so much time crying non-stop and this was a time when we'd stopped so I actually thought that was the worst bit over... I knew my mum was dead but it didn't occur to me until a while after this that she was never coming back. And that was a huge blow and completely devastating to a child.
I so desperately wanted her to reply when I prayed; I wanted those letters to be taken; I wanted a sign. It's awful when you realise there won't be one. I feel for you all so much I really do. It does get better, I promise. Keep talking, keep crying when you need to and don't make promises you can't keep (sorry if that sounds awful or callous or whatever - I'm thinking of HD's post as well and he's so right). Much much love x