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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

How do you go on without your mum?

75 replies

tethersend · 01/04/2017 20:15

Just that really. Mine's currently in hospital with days to go. Not sure how I'm supposed to do it without her. Feel relieved she won't be in pain any more, but so sad and angry that all this could have been avoided. I'm heartbroken.

It's her birthday tomorrow

OP posts:

TheseAreTheGoodOldDays · 01/04/2017 20:17

I have no advice, but dread the day I have to manage without mine 😞
for you.

Blinkyblink · 01/04/2017 20:17

10.5 years ago I lost mine. At 25. She's missed so much. I think of her every day, but very very rarely tears.

You become more familiar with the feeling of loss, and that enables you to deal with it and move forward.

You'll be ok

BestIsWest · 01/04/2017 20:18

So sorry

Sleepingbunnies · 01/04/2017 20:20

Its shit. I lost mine when i was 4. No matter what age you lose her its always too soon

Lessthanaballpark · 01/04/2017 20:22

tethersend I'm so sorry. I often worry how I would cope without my mum who is my closest friend.

I hope the strength of your feeling indicates that you have had a positive loving relationship with your mum. If so that's a beautiful thing. Hold onto that.

Chottie · 01/04/2017 20:24

It's tough, but you have to put one foot in front of another and keep going.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 01/04/2017 20:24

I lost my mum when she was 55 and I was 10 weeks pregnant with my first child. She had been ill for most of my life, but it was still hard. I was angry because all my friends still had (and have) their mums, but then I thought : would I rather have had my mum for the years I had her, or had someone else's mum for longer. No contest. I'm glad I had my mum for the years I did. She made a huge impact on my life and still does. You have to appreciate the good times and not feel hung up on the unfairness of it all. Some people don't get a good mum at all. I was lucky. She taught me so much before she died and i am grateful for the time I had with her.

PoundlandUK · 01/04/2017 20:25

It's hard but you will cope. I am sorry you are going through this. My mother died suddenly and we never had the chance to say goodbye, but on the other hand she had no pain. Whilst yours is in pain, I hope you can use the days you have to say goodbyes and tell her how much you love her. It's terribly sad. Heartbreaking is the right word. I am increasingly quiet about others' grief because it's so awful and so personal. But please believe you'll find a way to cope. Sending you virtual hugs.

SauvignonGrower · 01/04/2017 20:33

You are so lucky to have had a mother who you cannot bear to lose. I feel the same way about mine . Not everyone is as lucky as we are to have had such a close bond.

Littleelffriend · 01/04/2017 20:39

I lost mine 2 years ago on Monday. I have an 11 month old she will never meet. I am also angry at people who have mums to help. I think about her every day but very recently I've been able to think about her in a happy way . It's so hard though

mumofthemonsters808 · 01/04/2017 20:39

I won't lie, it's not easy, but it can be done. I lost my lovely Mum five years ago and she wasn't only my Mum she was my Best Friend too. We were very close, spoke to each other on the phone everyday and met up every Saturday. I have some wonderful memories of the times we spent together and I'd give my right arm to spend an hour in her company. The sense of loss has at times been unbareable, I've never known pain like it.

I've experienced a wealth of emotions over the years, ranging from feeling shell shocked, very angry and bitter, sadness and despair. I can finally say, I've reached a stage of acceptance and when I experience something that reminds me of her, I smile and not cry.

You will survive too. In the darker years I used to cling to the fact that I knew she wouldn't want me pining for her, I was a grown women with a family of my own and a life to live and that's what I'm attempting to do. I feel very privileged to have had such an amazing, wonderful Mother, not everybody does.

Be kind to yourself, I'm thinking of you.

Original poster

tethersend · 01/04/2017 20:54

Thank you for your kind words. It really does help to know what's on the other side of this.

She was the best mum. The absolute best. DH says she was the kindest, most selfless person he ever met- and she was.

OP posts:

EsmesBees · 01/04/2017 20:59

It's tough OP. But Platypus has the right attitude. Remember the good times, take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.

xStefx · 01/04/2017 21:00

I'm so sorry op, and to the ladies on this thread who have lost their mums x

SwirlingCockatoo · 01/04/2017 21:03

It's awful but you'll cope better than you expect.

Love to you

JustSpeakSense · 01/04/2017 21:04

I'm so sorry

I have lost my mum, she was also the worlds best mum, I drew comfort from the phrase 'we were so blessed that she was ours' even though I still need her and miss her I am luckier than most to have been blessed with her as my mum and that somehow consoles me a bit.

I hope that gives you a little comfort too x

BIWI · 01/04/2017 21:16

I'm sorry

I lost my mum almost 14 years ago, and I still miss not being able to talk to her. We used to speak on the phone almost every day (I live 200+ miles away from where she lived), and she was really like my best friend.

You will get by, because you have to (and you know she would have wanted you to). Nothing can ever take away how much she loved you and how much you love her.

Original poster

tethersend · 01/04/2017 21:51

I am lucky. I've been very lucky. I work with children in care, and am reminded every day how lucky I have been. And still am.

My DDs have been lucky too-she was like a third parent to them, particularly to DD1 who was her first grandchild. She's only 8 now and had to say goodbye to granny today. She's distraught.

Thank you again. It's good to be able to just write it all down.

OP posts:

Universitychallenging · 01/04/2017 21:53

Tethersend you just learn to go on. I miss my mum every day and I can't bear to delete her number from my mobile.

I am thinking of you.

Moo31 · 01/04/2017 21:55

I'm so sorry

walruswhiskers · 01/04/2017 21:56

Aw tethers I'm sorry to hear this. Mums are so v important. Mine died young - I was 26 but my sisters were only 18 And 13. It was dreadful for us all and I still miss her dreadfully 18 years later.

You do go on. But it is hard.

Sending you a punch on the arm in true Mn style.

LittleHo · 02/04/2017 12:22

I have just lost my Mum too. Am feeling exactly the same.

She was the kindest person and my best friend.

LittleHo · 02/04/2017 12:24

tethersend. Thinking of you too.

Original poster

tethersend · 02/04/2017 18:22

Oh LittleHo

Just saw your thread. Words can't describe it, can they? I'm a couple of days behind you- said my goodbyes this morning, she's not expected to live more than a day or two. She's totally out of it, my lovely mum is no longer there.

Sending strength to you. We'll get through it, even if we don't know how yet.

OP posts:

Chasingsquirrels · 02/04/2017 18:29

No experience of this yet, but if I think about it in almost panic.
Just sending you love and strength tethersend.
One step at a time.
xx

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