My dad died on Tuesday and I feel weird

[ThymeLord]

I feel devastated, broken hearted, I can't find my arse from my elbow but I feel weird. I feel like I've got butterflies in my stomach every minute of the day. From waking up until going to brd theyre there. Also, y'know that feeling you get when somebody makes you jump, and your heart leaps from chest to stomach and back again? I feel like that all the time, like my heart is jumping up and down all the time. Is that normal?

*bed not brd. Sorry I can't type.

I can't get it in my head that he's not coming back. Where did he go?? How is my dad not going to walk through the door again? I can't stand it I want to explode it hurts so fucking much.

Yes it is normal. I am so so sorry. It is such a hard thing to suffer through. You are not alone. Talk to us here.

The butterflies are normal?

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤

I can't stand it its fucking awful. I just want him back.

I described it as if my heart had been ripped out. As if I couldn't breathe.

Sorry about your DF Thyme. Yes I know the feeling a few years on now and I still feel like you at times but life does feel OK.

You may find that talking to a bereavement counsellor will help. These are such early days, your body is experiencing shock and grief and these emotions are so strong that we feel them physically. Talk to people around you and to us on here. Many of us have been where you are now and can completely relate to the emotions you are feeling.

For me, the worst bit was waking up and having that horrible feeling that something bad had happened, but it took me a moment to remember what. It's awful. I hope you have someone to lean on.

Thyme I found that the main feeling I had after my mum died was anxiety. I would feel like my heart was racing all the time. It's been 9 months since she died and I still can't get my head round the fact that I won't see her again... Sorry for your loss xx

Yes, it's normal. It's anxiety from what is happening to you. It's truly horrible. You can talk to a gp to get some drugs to help with it in the very short term if it's really overwhelming.

Sorry for your loss OP. Yes it is normal. Grief comes out in so many different ways. I sometimes felt the loss of my mum as physical pain. I completely understand what you mean about getting your head around where he has gone. I too wanted to explode. It is truly awful. My mum passed away three months ago and those episodes have spread out more now so I often have days when I feel almost normal and hopefully you will too. The pain doesn't go away though and I'm
afraid it never will. There is a brilliant quote on grief that I read here and found quite helpful. Will see if I can find it for you.

www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

I think this man describes grief beautifully.

Thanks everyone. At least it's normal. Felt like I was going mad trying to explain it to people. Nobody knew what I meant.

When do people go back to work? I've been off since Tuesday. Only feel "safe" at home at the minute. It's where the panicky feelings are at their lowest.

That's beautiful CousinIT. It's exactly like waves, big 100ft ones relentlessly coming at you.

Thyme, we're 7 months on from Dad dying. It does get easier to bear. Like you, the worst thing was knowing that I'd never see him again, the wonderful, intelligent, funny kind man. I couldn't believe I'd go to visit and he wouldn't be sitting in his chair. We're not religious, so don't have the comfort of believing we'll meet him again.

I'm self employed so pretty much worked all the way through, but DSis went back to work after his funeral - about 10 days after he died. There is no right/wrong way to deal with it - DSis was signed off for a week about 6 weeks after he died, because that's when it hit her like a juggernaut.

We cope by talking about him, remembering him with love and now also with laughter.

i went back to work after a month. don't feel like you have to go back before you're ready. hopefully you have a sympathetic boss.

also my gp prescribed me beta blockers for my anxiety but i decided not to take them. i think we need to experience grief and all its emotions to move through it. i think if you're struggling you should try counselling first.

I was very skittish when DB died, this sounds normal OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I lost my lovely, droll dad suddenly 10 days ago.

I've been keeping busy, going out, cracking jokes - anything to distract me. But like you, I feel like there's something wrong underneath, like I've forgotten something important. I've had to take the train back to sort everything out a few times, and every time I arrive, and he's not standing in his usual spot waiting to pick me up, I feel sick to my stomach.

All I can say to you is, you're not alone. It's normal to miss him, because you loved him. And I hope it gets better to cope with for us both.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt the same when my DF passed away last year. As much as it doesn't help to hear that it gets better, it will, and you just learn to cope.

I went back to work a week after he died, and took 2 days off for the funeral. Speak to your employers and explain how you feel (if possible) and see what they suggest, but I found mine were incredibly understanding.

I hope you're ok OP

Lemon I'm sorry, really sorry. There's nothing I can say, I know that more than I want to.

I had to text my boss last night and say I needed more time. He's been brilliant. They all have. It's just the last thing anybody needs, to be worrying about work. I still am but I'm trying to ignore it.

I'm trying to write the card that will go on the flowers and I've got as far as 'Dad' all night. Just can't find any words.

I keep forgetting. Not forgetting, that's the wrong word. I'm explaining it all wrong. I walked through the supermarket car park today and saw his car (it wasn't his car, just same one). I had my phone out starting a text to say something daft about waiting outside for him and it was a good 2 or 3 minutes before it hit me what I was doing.

Oh, Thyme, no-one tells you how hard writing that card is do they? The words will come, even if they are just how you feel at the exact moment you manage to write them.
There is no right or wrong in the situation (my DF died three months ago - it's still bloody hard).
Do what you feel is right - it's all you can do. My heart goes out to you.

Was it sudden? I lost my dad suddenly, and also BIL and they both had me in a massive spin.
It's very surreal, the early days of grief. I barely remember anything of the year after my dad died. The scraps I do remember are like watching a film of someone else's life.
It's so hard. Things like writing the card - what do you say? I just drew a picture, which sounds odd, but I didn't have the words.
Don't worry. There is no normal or not normal. Take as long as you need.