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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

my baby boy

65 replies

vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 20:36

my baby ben was taken away from me and his daddy , i was 35 weeks pregnant wen i went in to hospital thinking i was in labour n they told me they couldnt find a heartbeat had to go back three days later to have him and now i find my self soooo lost n empty and we have to arrange a funeral where do we start n how do we cremate our lil boy x

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 08/05/2011 20:37

Oh I'm so so sorry, I can't begin to imagine how you must both be feelingSad

bigbuttons · 08/05/2011 20:38

There are wonderful threads for women who've suffered your loss I'm sure someone will come along and point the way.

CravingExcitement · 08/05/2011 20:39

So sorry x

NorksAreMessy · 08/05/2011 20:39

Vicky, I am so sorry for your loss and cannot begin to imagine your pain.
Be kind to yourselves, accept any help you are offered, and I know somebody more helpful will be along in a little while to give you real help.
Lighting a candle for little Ben tonight.

mumatron · 08/05/2011 20:39

So very sorry to hear that vicky. :(

Bohica · 08/05/2011 20:43

Do you have RL help Vicky? Take any help that is offered to you & look afer yourself.
There is some fantastic help here for you & I am sure somone more wise than myself will come along shortly.

gerardway · 08/05/2011 20:53

I am so, so sorry Vicky. We lost our DS1 when he was 4 days old, that was 19 years ago. You need to contact a funeral director and they will arrange everything for you. If you are at all religious get in touch with your local vicar/priest (or whatever God you believe in). They won't care if you have never been to church but will be there to comfort and support you and your family. Please accept all offers from your friends and family to help with the arrangements. We took a lock of hair from DS1 and asked the funeral directors to take prints of his hands and feet that we have in an album. We chose to take photos of the flowers and the order of service which are also in his album. My Dh carried DS1's coffin into the crematorium. I will pray for Ben and you and your family. Just try and take one day at a time! ((((hugs))) x

Jemma1111 · 08/05/2011 20:55

So sorry for you x

LauraIngallsWilder · 08/05/2011 20:55

So sorry :(

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:00

thank you xxxx

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gerardway · 08/05/2011 21:08

Sorry my answer was very practical. It's so bloody awful and unfair losing a baby. I cannot begin to describe the pain that you and your DH are now going through. You don't ever expect a baby to be stillborn or die shortly after birth. I thought I would die with grief. To this day we miss DS1 Sad. You and your DH will alway miss what should have been. Again I am so, so sorry x

Hulababy · 08/05/2011 21:09

So sorry :(

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:10

i know its hard isnt it and mayb in time it gets easier my life is full of wat ifs and wonders right now but it could change

OP posts:
lionheart · 08/05/2011 21:16

So sorry vicky. There are lots of wonderful people on here who have experience of such a terrible loss. I hope that having them to talk to will help.

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:19

i hope so lion thank u

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gerardway · 08/05/2011 21:19

You need to get through the next few months before thinking about the future. You are going to be in shock now and losing Ben will start to hit even harder later Sad. I do hope you and your DH have family and friends to support you. Your GP (doctor) and health visitor should also be there to help you both. xx

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:22

yea our family have been great im waiting for the hospital to get me councilling coz the doctors wanna put me on anti deprsesnt tablets which will prb make it worse , it will prb be like this for a long time or mayb a lifetime

OP posts:
TeamLemon · 08/05/2011 21:23

So sorry for your loss.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Sad

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:23

thank u team

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gerardway · 08/05/2011 21:27

I think I was given sleeping tablets when I came home from hospital. I didn't have anti-depressant until a few months later but I was on the verge of a breakdown by then. Why do you think you might be on them for a lifetime? Counselling is a good idea.

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:29

i feel if they help me i will need them 4 ever but im gna opt 4 the councilling think that might help did u get any 1 to talk to

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Bohica · 08/05/2011 21:35

You won't need them forever but you might need them now to help you find strength & the will to get out of bed every day.
I haven't been through this dreadfull experience because my babies never made more than 17 weeks before leaving but I do remember the feeling of wanting to give it all up & anti d's just took the edge off & gave me time to rebuild myself.
Not for everyone I know but just wanted to say that to you.

Un Mn

gerardway · 08/05/2011 21:36

I had my health visitor to talk to and there was an organisation that came round to see me (Crusie or Sands I think). The lady vicar from the hospital also came round for months after. We stayed in touch for a few years. I stopped taking my anti- deps when we decided to try for DS2. My DH continued with his anti's for a few years though. No family is the same and you have to do what you think is best for you all.

Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:37

thats good to know mayb i mite go for it i c how it goes wat with the funeral cumin up mite need sumthin to take the edge of things x

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Original poster
vickyd0 · 08/05/2011 21:39

hopefully talkin to some one i dont know may help me coz my family n partner r great but sumtimes its easier talkin to people i dont know x

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