my baby boy

[vickyd0]

my baby ben was taken away from me and his daddy , i was 35 weeks pregnant wen i went in to hospital thinking i was in labour n they told me they couldnt find a heartbeat had to go back three days later to have him and now i find my self soooo lost n empty and we have to arrange a funeral where do we start n how do we cremate our lil boy x

What have you arranged so far? I have never had to do it myself but as I said before MN is wonderfull & full of support & I am sure you will get lots of support in the coming days.

Anti-dep's take 4 weeks to kick in. You should try 'St Johns Wort' in the meantime. My midwife gave it to me for our DS1 funeral. You can get it from health shops.

the funer al director came and spoke about diffrent options so we r in the middle of thinking things over , gerardway did u have ur baby buried or cremated?

Vicky I'm so sorry to hear about your baby boy, you must be feeling worse than you could ever imagine at the moment. My son was stillborn at 30 weeks in June of last year. I look back at that time and wonder how I got through it, but we did and although it still hurts, it does get easier.
There is a thread for bereaved parents entitled 'Our children budded on earth to bloom in heaven' (sorry, I'm crap at links). PLease join us when you feel ready, the ladies there have been a lifeline these past 11 months.

Take care and thinking of you x

We chose for Stephen to be cremated. Not sure why apart from the fact I didn't like to think of the worms eating him! If we could go back in time and he still died I think we would go for a woodland burial.

minione i will look that up thank u how time flies its only nearly been 2weeks n im already missing him like mad , gerardway the funeral director said they might not be any ashes how true is this ????

here when you are ready

Vicky I am so sorry you are going through this , these early days are such a blur , be kind to yourself and keep talking .

thanks i will it makes sense

It's the second time I have heard that so maybe they used to fib to parents (like us). So I don't know the answer - sorry. DH has just said that even if someone smokes a cigarette there is ash. xx

When someone is cremated they will take any ashes after cremation from the furnis & give them to the relative. I'm sorry because your baby boy was so tiny there may be very little left behind as the furnis is so large.

thats wat my sister said and at a bbq theres ash so i think theres a chance i dont mind even if theres a tiny bit as long as i got some i feel like these people wanna take everything from me from my baby to even paperwork but one thing they cant take r my photos n memories

Thankyou Bohica that makes sense. We had a small box to put in the crematorium grave. DH said that the coffin would also be in with Stephen's ashes. I hope that answers your question Vicky.

yea its a bit clear now thanks

Are you both going to see Ben at the Funeral Home?

we thinking about it not sure how hard it will be n how diffrent he will look we spent a week with him n said r final goodbye on wednesday i want to but not sure if im strong enough

I have pm'd you Vicky

I wonder. If you feel you have already had your time to say goodbye that seeing your baby boy again would just bring it all back to the beginning again?

One step forward two steps back kinda thing.

yea its exactly that i want to see him one last time but then i feel ive said my goodbye wen we was ready but then again its never goodbye but its see you later

Only you can decide. We did see Stephens body (after he'd been embalmed) and he did look different. It was like his soul (or person) had left his body and there was only a shell left. I am glad we went to see him but it's a very personal decision. You will be surprised how strong you can be though xxx

im glad 4 sum advice its makin it a bit easier we gonna think about it a bit more its sumthin we gta decide toghether and as u said its very personal and a big thing

bohica i private msg u did u get it ?

Yep & pm'd back.

I have tears now because it is all so hard. I have a very sensible side that tells me no, you have said goodbye but I remember when my younger brother died at a young age the urge to be with him the night before the funerel & the regret for "one more goodbye" being so very strong.

Now, all these years along I can honestly say once is enough for me, don't go back & you need to look forward - hard times will lead to happier times.

yea i hope so i just feel sooooo drained rite now x

I am so sorry you have lost your baby boy vicky. I have asked the ladies on our bereaved mums thread to send you a link. It is so sad but there are a lot of mums there in the same position as you who will listen to you, give you support and will never judge you. Take care xx

Vicky, I am sorry for the loss of your precious son. I've been through something similar myself. Do join us on the other thread whenever you feel ready.

yea defiently if sum 1 can send me the link i will join thank you xx