Oh lawks I have become one of those miserable neighbours who won't give the ball back

[FrannyandZooey]

Please help me out here. Next door's second youngest is 5 and he is forever chucking balls over our fence and then shouting for ds to get them for him. Ds (who is 4) feels important to be doing it and will always break off what he is doing to go and chuck the ball back.

However this often happens at mealtimes when I prefer ds NOT to keep getting down from the table, and also sometimes happens in the evening when dp and I are trying to veg out. Neighbours go to bed late so at 9 pm or so he will be shouting "DS! DS! DS!" over the fence until one of us come. Ds luckily stays fast asleep.

WWYD? I am 99% sure that sometimes he does it on purpose because he is bored and wants ds to come out. They do play together sometimes and that's fine with me - but I would like him to come and knock on our door and ask, if he wants ds to come out and play.

Oh that is the other thing - if we don't go out to get the ball (whether we're ignoring him or just don't hear him) he comes over the fence to get it. Now I REALLY don't like that. Am I just being an uptight arse? I suspect perhaps yes

is he the one who slightly pushes ds around or have i imagined that?

Oh I should have said when the ball is flying about it might be say, 4 requests in 15 mins.

i think he soudsn like a pita.

ooh I don't know, have I spoken about this before?

yes he does slightly, his way of dealing with ds not doing what he wants is to say "I am not your friend" or "I am going home now ds" repeated as many times as necessary (while not going home ) until ds responds how he wants (I have taught ds now to say "ok, bye!" and come inside )

he needs ground rules

1. You can ask DS for ball IF he is in the garden ..if he is NOT in the garden then you wait until he is

2. Under no circumstances are you allowed to climb the fence

3. 3 strike rule .. if your ball comes over once you can ask for it back (see point 1) .. if your ball comes over twice you can ask for it back (again see point one).. if your ball comes over a third time you will have to wait till tomorrow to ask for it back

"I am not your friend" appears to be the litany of 5 and 6 year old boys everywhere

hmmm, my ds is the ball throwing over transgresor round here. i am always pathetically grateful when we get any back, never expect it. the neighbours are very long suffering & now luckily both sides have children.

ds is very good friends with the little girl who lives next door, & this year they are both big enough to climb over the wall to get into each other's garden. we are all (dp & i, next door's parents) really pleased about this, it's nice for them to have a bit of independence & both gardens are totally secure. but the 2 children are friends anyway, & i would probably be less keen if it was someone bigger who i didn't want ds to play with.

sorry, not altogether useful for you, but i've enjoyed writing it....

I don't know who you are, Frod

Erm I find him a PITA tbh so that is probably colouring my posts. I like his parents a lot and every other member of his family is without fail extremely polite and friendly, but he is a bit of a lad at times. I think it could be just being 5 and being a boy. But he is left to amuse himself for long periods (ok, ds is too ) and it seems to me he gets bored and pisses about

Twig oh I remember now you are the Queen of not giving the ball back (fkn annoying isn't it?)

you see I am morphing into you and cod as well it will all end in tears

HC now that sounds like a fab arrangement but the trust is not there for me to do that with this little boy. He has always had a streak of mean behaviour that has put me against him I'm afraid

for instance when we first moved here he was only 2 but he would spit at us if we were in the garden

farkin' 'ate 'em

my tormentors are around 8 or 9 though .. sometimes they're joined by people in their 20s

they do get the ball back .. but have the 3-strike rule

one day I'm just going to stab it with a screwdriver

The age difference between him and your ds will lessen with time and your ds will probably really appreciate someone to play with on wet half-term holidys in the future. I would grin and bear it if poss.

Oh they do play together, they really do and I only occasionally discourage it

it is just this bleeding ball lobbing over the fence constantly

Twig how did you explain the rules on the first occasion?

Ds is upstairs in his pjs having a shouted convo out of the window about it right now

"Daddy will get it for you in 5 mins"

this is the 7th time this afternoon

If you like the parents a lot, go and talk to them! Tell them you're happy for DS to throw the ball back but it does get a bit much, especialy when DS is eating or in bed.

tis aitch, frank. can you ask his parents to encourage him to be more careful with the ball as not unreasonably you just want to slob out in front of the telly (don't tell them you don't have one, you freakazoid) in the evening and not having to get up all the time to deal with him. that's their job, quite frankly. (don't you love saying 'quite frankly'? it's such a wanker's phrase i think... )

chuck it back with a slug on it

Turn up the TV and pretend you can't hear him - or hide.

She Doesn't Have A TV, cornsilk .

you could turn up the whale song, franny.

LOL at all

I went upstairs and thought "why am I saying I don't know who Frod is? It is bound to be Aitch"

Yes I really DO NOT want to get his parents bothered by this. I should have said that from the beginning but it is partly me being a bit crap so I didn't mention it. They are Asian and we are a little bit shy of one another (them as well as us) and consequently we are all very very polite to one another all the time

English is not their first language (or their son's first language) and the mum and I are very much at the smiling and nodding a lot stage still, despite us living here for 3 years so you see it really is me being a bit crap. She seems a bit less shy with my dp, so they sometimes have a chat but he is not a prat like me and doesn't get embarrassed if he can't understand. The Dad is also fably nice and super courteous and I think he would be mortified if he knew this was bothering us.

oh and I DO hide but when he leans over the fence he is right outside my kitchen window, and he tends to save it for when he can see we are in the kitchen or sitting down eating. Our dining table is right next to the window also.

you're just going to have to tell him directly then that 'we have a new rule in this house' etc etc. tell him that he needs to be more careful in the first place but should the ball come over once dd has gone in for tea then he's not to shout and you will throw it over when you go to bed so it'll be there for him in the morning. go hardcore on his assssss.

Really? So the consensus is that it's ok to only throw the ball back at the end of the day or if we are in the garden anyway?

I am not sure if I can be that, erm, forthright

(mingy)