Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

When did you stop wiping your child's bottom for them?!

35 replies

BretonTop · 19/06/2016 20:08

Ds1 is 5.5yrs and still insists, most of the time, that myself of dh wipes his bottom. If I'm really busy he will do it begrudgingly. It's always fine when he does it (I check its clean and give him praise).

He's just being lazy and taking the piss, isn't he?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

InsaneDame · 19/06/2016 20:19

Yes I think he pretty much is! When ds1 started school we were very strict with the no more helping - we would still check occasionally if he asked but generally he got on with it himself and knew there was no point in asking. He is very meticulous when he does it, almost ocd about it (if that is possible?!)

If I were you I would keep encouraging him to do it himself and offer to check afterwards if he wants. You will probably find that over time he gives up asking.

lljkk · 19/06/2016 20:20

crikey, when they went to school, or preschool even. He'd be left whistling for a wiper at age 5.... It will be okay as long as they get regular baths

Original poster

BretonTop · 19/06/2016 20:28

"Left whistling for a wiper" just made me laugh! Bloody knew the little tinker was milking it He's my first so not sure what the norm is.

He won't poo anywhere but home (hasn't done since about 10 months old !) and his bum is always clean as a whistle so no reason why he can't do it himself every time.

I will be stricter from now on and tell him I won't be doing it any more.

OP posts:

paxillin · 19/06/2016 20:31

At 4 I think. Certainly before starting reception. I was never an enthusiastic wiper so as soon as the little arm was long enough to reach he was on his own.

Idontknowwhoiam · 19/06/2016 20:34

My ds is 6 this week and he still gets us to do it... I keep thinking he should do it himself then he goes and he gets a messy one and puts me off stopping!!

Yika · 19/06/2016 20:37

My DD's 5.9 and I still wipe her bottom at home. Obviously she has to manage by herself at school but she doesn't do it very well... this thread is a good reminder that some coaching is due!

InsaneDame · 19/06/2016 20:41

How will they learn if you don't let them get on with it? Even 'a messy one' is good practice!

Idontknowwhoiam · 19/06/2016 20:46

It's always just as I think I'd let him do it! It's like a sign lol
I know it's laziness and mine and his part... he was awesome at potty training too, sure he did it himself for a short while and it must have been a bug that stopped it.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 19/06/2016 20:46

I'm not impressed as a teacher if a child without an intimate care plan asks me to wipe their bottom in the summer term when they are heading for Y1.
Of course we'd all like a personal Groom of the Stool, and it's easier and faster to do it for a child. Like dressing them, cutting their food up for them...
But that's not how teaching independence and development works. It is messy and they whinge, but growing up is inevitable whether they want to or not.

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 19/06/2016 20:50

mine were sorted pretty much straight after potty training. i spent a couple of months supervising, doing the whole "oh, the paper's not clean yet, wipe again" bit, but remained hands-off.

we did go through lorryloads of loo paper every week in the preschool years while they were learning.

braceybracegirl · 19/06/2016 20:53

my son was 5 yesterday and ive told him no more!!!

tilder · 19/06/2016 20:54

I think dd could still do with a hand judging by her pants... I stop wiping by school.

Then I don't eat anything they cook.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/06/2016 20:55

DD is 6 and mostly manages on her own, but if she does a messy poo, she will ask me to check her (and usually needs a couple of extra wipes)

Oliviacolemansshriek · 19/06/2016 20:57

This is cause of many arguments in our house. It's been a year since we started getting him to do it himself. Thought starting the summer before year R would be enough time to have him ready to start school. But oh no, even now every bloody time is a stand off. He will sit on the loo or end up lying on the floor next to the loo rolling around and possibly getting poo everywhere indefinitely.
I do make him do it but it takes about 10 minutes of shouting negotiation. My life is too short for this!

LakeFlyPie · 19/06/2016 20:57

Ha OP, I could be you; am usually wearing a striped top and have a DS 5.5 who always announces when he's 'going for a poo' and when he's 'finished'!
He refuses to poo anywhere but home or GP's house even though he's perfectly capable of wiping himself. I'm not too worried about it and feel confident he'll finally stop being so lazy at some point.
The only concern is that he does cause himself a bit of discomfort by holding it in on the days he goes to after school club (at school 9-5.30) and he says he won't poo at school because he doesn't want to make the toilet smell. I'm not sure there's a lot I can do to reassure him other than affirm that everyone is in the same boat with regard to that one! His older brother was independent by the time he started reception and has never had any qualms about which toilet he uses when the need arises.

Breadwidow · 19/06/2016 21:00

Saw this in active threads and the responses are making me nervous. My son is 4, starts reception in Sept and cannot do it very well at all. I encourage him to try but it's like no attempt has been made at all. After watching, TMI, I honestly think his arms aren't long enough to reach around properly. I mentioned my concern to his pre school teacher who said don't worry at all, don't force it, maybe she was being nice?

RiverTam · 19/06/2016 21:03

DD is 6 and a half and I check hers once she's had a go, she is slowly getting better but I can't let her go about with a smeary pooey bottom! It's not a problem as she never poos at school.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 19/06/2016 21:05

😂😂my DS is 5 and told the teaching assistant in front of all the other parents last week-"I told you,I don't do poo's in school!"This is because I wipe his butt for him😳think some coaching is required for next year.

Pidgythe2nd · 19/06/2016 21:08

Solitary, I'm wondering whether you make any allowances for summer born children. Summer term in reception could mean almost 6 for some children, but some could still be 4. Quite a difference, and I'd be unimpressed if a teacher made any child, particularly a summer born, feel like they couldn't ask for help.

IdaShaggim · 19/06/2016 21:13

I have a 6 yr old DD and did 'staged withdrawal' on this!! We are now down to wiping once a day only (last thing at night before bed... She's tired and I can't be arsed with the drama). I suspect she'll start wiping herself at nighttime too as time goes on.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 19/06/2016 21:15

Oh they ask for help and get it, without any indication of disapproval from me. I find a number of parents avoid having to spend the time, effort and bother of getting their children to wipe bottoms and other basic skills.
I've had children come out of the toilets and announce 'I've wiped x's bottom because they couldn't do it, and I washed my hands'
They are happy to ask whoever is available to help, sometimes they just shout out and wait. Sometimes they ask whoever is in with them to do it. Unisex toilets in reception.

paxillin · 19/06/2016 21:16

Bum wiping services simply weren't offered by our primary school. Children with SN were given help of course.

InsaneDame · 19/06/2016 21:17

I think 4 is quite old enough to be wiping their own bottom. I really think this is something they should have been taught to do before school - the teachers have a class full of kids and I don't think they could leave the class to wipe a bottom? Or even allowed to?!

Original poster

BretonTop · 19/06/2016 21:18

Hello LakeFlyPie! I recognise your name from years ago (are you an ex-Doomer? I've name changed!). Glad I'm not alone with a 5.5yr old with holder. Mine won't even go at the Grandparents now He has amazing skills to hold it in so well, I've no idea how he does it. He's always been "I don't 'go' out and about - only at home". It's weird. I don't know where he got it from (not me!).

He would sooner die than go at school, though agree the poster who is a teacher (Reception?) doesn't sound particularly empathetic? Some kids in his class still have accidents, and I'd like to think the lovely staff there are sympathetic and kind.

Oh, I so know what people mean when they say they're not sure their child's arm is long enough to reach, too!

OP posts:

InsaneDame · 19/06/2016 21:19

My mum had four kids under 5yo at one point - we were taught to be independent at the earliest opportunity!

Flip

1 2