Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Cross!!! DS (3) was badly bitten by another boy last week...

31 replies

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 12:19

....and now he has gone from loving nursery to being tearful about it.

The boy bit him through his fleece on the side and broke the skin and left nasty bruising which has only gone down in the last day (this was 6 days ago) The mark still looks nasty...the boy must have some sharp teeth on him!

Normal procedures have been followed and I don't have a problem with how the nursery have handled it, but the mother of the child knows who he bit and hasn't bothered to approach me to apologise at all. I would be mortified if my child had hurt another that seriously and would make a point of apologising. Would anyone else?

So now I have a little boy who was so upset this morning because I lift share with my neighbour and he just wanted me to collect him. he hasn't been worried about it before , in fact he has always loved going to/from school with my neighbour and his friend.

Saying that, I must go and collect him now, make sure I am first in the queue (and give evil galres to the mother of 'Gnasher' ....not that I will..)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 12:21

I would apologise, but could understand the other Mum being embarrassed or worried about how you would react.

Poor ds hope he gets back to enjoying nursery

madmarchscare · 11/10/2006 12:26

Its a funny one really, if we had to apologise every time our kids hit/bit/scratched someone elses we wouldnt have time to do anything else.

So unless she is aware of the extent that this has bothered your DS then I dont think she should apologise.

Hope your DS feels happier about things soon.

mabel1973 · 11/10/2006 12:42

My friends DS is going through a stage a pushing all the time and I have noticed that my DS (who at almost 2 is a year younger) is getting quite wary of him and doesn't want to play with him as much. I wouldn't expect my friend to apologise to me every time he pushes my DS, but she does make a point of making HIM apologise to my DS, which I think is much more important.
I am sure the boys mother is embarassed by what's happened, but when they are in nursery it's their responsibility to supervise this boy.

Loshad · 11/10/2006 12:43

she probably doesn't know which child her son bit. All the nurseries/playgroups round here only say things like "X bit another child today. He/she was/was not provoked , we have dealt with it"
Like madmarchscare says she also almost cetainly will be unaware of how much it has affected your lo, even if her son has told her who it was he gnawed on.

Original poster

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 13:06

She does know who her son bit as it was blatantly obvious. DS was sobbing when I collected him that day and she was in the room. DS also showed me the bite (which is actually very nasty) whilst she was in the room and her son told her that he had bitten DS.

Pushing/hitting etc I accept is all part and parcel of nursery. DS and neighbours son bicker and push sometimes and I don't worry about that at all, but this must have been quite a vicious attack for it to leave such a ...well...wound.

I am a very approachable person and if she did approach me, I would accept an apology and leave it at that.

I guess it won't happen though.

OP posts:

Tili · 11/10/2006 13:22

Hi.
I have been in exactly the same position as you last fortnight. my dd was bitten by another girl. her mum knew who she'd bit and she didnt bother to apologise either.
My dd was upset by the incident but is still enjoying nursery.My dd also said that if this other child bites her again she will bite her back!! which ordinarily I would be quite mortified by but as her mother is obviously a stuck up madam maybe a taste of her own medicine would make her think of others feelings.
I know all kids go through certain stages but I have to say my dd has never bitten pushed etc anyone all she wants to do is sing and give hugs.
I also have to say that her nursery dealt with it superbly and have said that they will keep an eye on how this child interacts with my dd.

Amaretto · 11/10/2006 13:27

calebsmummy, the problem is that SHE doesn't know whether you are approachable or not...
In her place, I would actually expect the nursery to deal it :

ensuring that they intervene when there is fight between children BEFORE it gets out of hands like tis
by having proper discipline measures (And you seem to be happy with it)
by spending the time necessary whith your son so that he feels confident to go back to nursery again.

I do understand when you say that you will be mortified if your son was bitting another child but remember it's your son not you who is would have bitten someone. So who do you think should apologize your son or you?

anniebear · 11/10/2006 13:34

I would see no reason why she couldn't apologise

These things are always going to happen, but that bite sounds a little extreme

I would be mortified if it were me and would have apologised

Greensleeves · 11/10/2006 13:43

I would apologise, no question. Although I have had my children bitten/thumped/scratched and received no apology. I appreciate that it's every parent's worst nightmare to have their child be the one doing the biting etc, I don't make judgements about their parenting or their child's personality - all children go though less attractive phases. But it offends me when the child's mother fails to apologise. It's just about good manners and taking responsibility for your child.

Original poster

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 13:51

Se does know I am approachable, it's a very small nursery. It wasn't a little nip (I expected to find just teeth marks) it was a full on clamp down and not let go on my poor little man.

I think she should have come over with her child and apologised, not down on her knees begging for forgiveness, just a simple 'I'm sorry this happened'It kind of teaches the children that this is the right thing to do, doesn't it?

There was no fight, this child launched himself on top of DS at story time.

I am happy that the nursery have followed procedures and are keeping an eye on said child.

If it were my child who had bitten and caused such an injury, Ammeretto, then I would apologise. The child has been made to apologise by the nursery staff, but at the end of the day it still would have been my child who had hurt another so yes, I would say sorry.

OP posts:

Original poster

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 13:52

Exactly Greensleeves!

OP posts:

mrsflowerpot · 11/10/2006 13:59

Your poor ds - bites are horrid. DS was bitten on his first day at school, and the bruising was , even though I don't think it was a particularly viscious bite.

I think the other mum should have acknowledged what happened, shown some concern and checked how your ds was the next day, if nothing else. But she didn't, and it's a week on so she's not going to. I think you need to let go of it, or it will make you tense around the nursery and in turn make your ds tense and won't help him get through the not wanting to go. If you are really happy with the way they dealt with it then you need to focus on that. Hope he forgets all about it soon.

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:02

calebsmummy, is he your first one? I hate to tell you this, but I have realised as my girls have got older that what I consider a normal standard of behaviour, (eg apologising if you're naughty, please and thank you etc) are not the norm, and have had my eyes opened when recently getting into the playdate arena with dds!

Like Greensleeves and others, I would have apologised (so would dd) and been mortified, other parents do not seem to take responsibilty for this, or indeed think it's important.

Original poster

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 14:19

I have a 12 yr old DS and a 21 month old DS too. Have never had a problem like this with DS1, perhaps he only mixed with nice children. If he was ever hurt on playdates the other child would apologise as would any child now playing with the younger ones.

I have many friends with small children (and larger ones) and none have ever behaved like this. Yes we get the occasional hit/slap/push, but nothing serious. And of course the hitter is made to apologise. They have to learn that it is acceptable to go around clouting whoever they please. And biting, well I have to say it's not something I have encountered until now. My DS's have never bitten and none of our friends children ever have either. But if they had, I would apologise.

Children learn by example. This mother should set it. But hey, she won't and like someone has said I will let it go. I don't harp on about it in front of Ds as I am all too aware that he would play on it. I did say that perhaps it was because this boy was a bit younger and didn't understand that you shouldn't bite (on the day it happened) but he turned around and said 'But D (younger bro) doesn't bite me' Too true!

OP posts:

Original poster

calebsmummy · 11/10/2006 14:23

Evilannie, I know what you mean. It's a sad fact that some people don't teach their child basic manners. It comes naturally here and I expect it. I would be loath to have a child back if they weren't polite. DS1 friends thankfully are all very lovely polite young men and at 12 nowadays you don't always find that.

OP posts:

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:25

Don't you hate having to make up excuses for other people's kids? DD1 has been bullied twice by 2 separate kids, and when she was asking me in such a heartrending way "why are they doing it?" I had to make up some old rubbish rather than say what I wanted "because she is MEAN and her parents have let her get away with it"!!

I hope ds carries on enjoying nursery.

southeastastralplain · 11/10/2006 14:29

it's not as simple as their parents don't teach them basic manners, there are lots of reasons children hit/bite

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:32

I meant the apologising is basic manners.

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 11/10/2006 14:37

Blimey. My ds bit another boy at nursery once. I had to sign the "book of shame", and was not told who he had bitten, although of course he told me. I did apologise. The other mother said it as fine, and in fact the child who had bitten my ds the week before was her ds.

And my son is 'nice' BTW.

And he didn't learn it by example. I have never bitten anyone else while he's been watching.

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:41

beckybraAAARGHstraps, if ds bit the boy that bit him the week previously, was it a kind of revenge??!! We need a little emoticon with fangs to use in these posts!

Tiggiwinkle · 11/10/2006 14:42

I would say you are very unusual never to have come across yong children biting before now calebsmum. It is extremely common in nursery children-whatever their "upbringing".

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:43

Tiggiwinkle, I can't recall any of mine being bitten. They've had other stuff happen but not biting.

ditzymum · 11/10/2006 14:44

My 6 year old ds went through a phase of biting when he was about 2 and I remember he bit my friends dd quite hard when she came round to play. I was mortified and couldn't apologise enough. My friend phoned me the next day and said she'd taken her dd to the docs to have a tetanus jab and was quite rude when I pointed out that he was just a little boy, not a rabid dog!! Talk about overreacting - that was the end of that friendship!!

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 11/10/2006 14:46

DOubt it was revenge. They were 'best friends' which in reality meant they always wanted to play with the same toy at the same time. Cue frustration and violence

They grew out of the biting. They sword fight now!

I agree that it is common in younf children. Not an ongoing problem necessarily, but the odd bite. And I think assumptions about upbringing are way off. But then, as I've admitted to the book of shame, I would say that wouldn't I?

evilanniedividedin2byalargeaxe · 11/10/2006 14:48

I don't think the biting is to do with upbringing, as so many kids do it anyway, but I think how you deal with it is, I would always want to apologise as I wouldn't be able to face the other mum, I'd feel awful.

Sword fighting, how civilised, they can challenge each other to duels in gentlemanly fashion!

Flip

1 2