How do you handle your fussy eaters? One meal or no meal? Options? etc..

[Bobsmyaunty]

My 19month old DD has narrowed what she will eat and will rarely try anything new. Apart from the odd spag bol, I've never managed to get her to eat any meat ever.

She will eat: pumpkin seeds, all fruit under the sun, chips, baked beans, toast, cucumber and tomato's (recent additions), pasta, cheese (only if it's grated) and that's pretty much it. No egg anymore, no meat. I've offered her loads of stuff and she won't even try it.

But.. my question is, how do you handle it? do you offer one meal only and that's it if she doesn't eat it? Still offer pudding? Or put a variety on the plate?

Last night she didn't want her spag bol, but she had yoghurt and banana for pudding and was asking for 'more', which I didn't give her. Later I could tell she was still desperately hungry so gave her a baby biscuit. But I feel like this offers no incentive to eat dinner.

Please pleeeaaase share with me what you all do so I can sort myself out and formulate a better plan of action! This is driving me nuts!

Firstly, is she getting her minimum of 300 ml of full fat cows milk eat day and her daily vitamins? Are her centiles, height and weight, in proportion and following the same curve, ie not dropping?

If the answer is yes, I really wouldn't worry about her going hungry. I would just serve your usual family meal along with a little bit of something you know she will eat. That way, if she refuses the meal, at least she will have had something.

A banana and a yoghurt is a huge pudding at this age. I'd offer pudding if you are having it, but not with every meal.

If you try to just ignore the fussiness, she should soon realise that if she's hungry, she needs to eat what's on offer

Have a look in your library for My Child Won't Eat.

Cheesey sauce or yogurt can cover all sorts of food, even for a 19m old.

You might try 'hiding' the meat and dressing it up as other things with other strong flavours.

Mine loves a chicken and kiwi recipe I got from somewhere.

As previous poster says though if they're getting fruit and veg and their milk probably ok for the mo.

Thanks for your replies.

Yes she's of healthy weight/height etc (in fact think she's still in the 90th percentile) and drinks all her milk. Been considering getting vitamins as iron is probably missing from her diet given no egg or meat or green stuff.

Good to know about just serving family meal and hadn't thought about putting at least one thing she'll eat on the plate - I like that idea. Might start her off too!

Will given cheesy sauce a bash too!!

So if no dinner is eaten (apart from a scrap) would you do no pudding?

I would give a pudding but a healthy pudding.

Is she more inclined to try pudding than dinner if it's something different?

DD who is 17 months can be fussy sometimes too. But then other times she'll try literally anything. She does have a fair few meals she will eat though and she's fond of meat.

But she's not very fond on cows milk at all. As in she'll take a sip and pull a face at me and not drink any more of it.

I hope she improves soon -

Most important thing is not to show you're getting frustrated. Be relaxed.

Still do desert, but stock it with fruit or if possible a yogurty rice pudding something like that and you can mix in fortified rice cereal that way too.

I read a thing that said babies sometimes need to taste something 7or8 times before they'll eat it. And also that if you let them look and smell the food first before making them try they're more likely to eat. This might for babies younger than yours tho.

The BLW book recommends putting out the whole meal (so including fruit / yoghurt / pudding if you are having one) and letting them have it in any order they choose. I found it worked well, as the fruit seemed to act as a sort of appetiser, and made them feel more hungry and more up for trying new things.

Also, tiny amounts on the plate so as not to over-face them, no comments at all on eating (or lack thereof) and making sure snacks are small and not replacing meals all help.

This is all so incredibly helpful thank you everyone. Fab idea about mixing in fortified cereal in with rice pudding/yoghurt - I am so onto that.

I can believe the 7 or 8 times. I did go through about a week where I put cucumber on her plate every single fricking day and she does eat it now so I can see the truth in it. She randomly started eating red pepper today too (after a few days of the same) so perhaps there is hope yet!

Interesting about the BLW suggesting of putting all out, pudding 'n all. I would be so nervous that she would eat the pudding first and then declare herself finished but it's worth trying on a day where maybe she's had a good lunch so I can be more relaxed about it...

Talking of which, I read on another thread about mums singing during the meal to relieve their own stress so it wasn't a tense affair and I reckon there's merit in that. As something new goes towards her mouth I literally hold my breath in tense anticipation..... that's a lot of pressure for someone who's only been on this planet 19 months!!!!

How would you sing and chew though?

A friend of mine used to blend chicken with yoghurt when her DD went through a no meat stage. Just the thought of it nearly made me puke but it might be worth trying if it means you can relax about mealtimes knowing she's eating something different?
Not suggesting you being tense is causing her not to eat but it might make you feel better!

Can you eat and then do something like washing up or preparing veg? Anything so that you aren't watching her like a hawk. I always aimed not to know if mine had eaten a lot or a little - if I deliberately didn't notice then I wasn't worrying about it and they picked up on that. It helps if you have company (other mums with toddlers are ideal) - you can be so busy chatting and serving up and mopping up spills that you genuinely don't think about it. Plus other kids eating usually encourage poor eaters.

My 15mo eats better if I pile up the high chair tray and then go and do the dishes, so in sight but not hovering. She throws a fair bit around but she does that when I'm sat next to her too! I think it becomes too much of a game if she's got my full attention.

Honestly I'd not stress about it. All 3 of mine went through really fussy stages and the more I tried the less they would eat. As long as they're getting something from each food group and the things on offer are mostly healthy, it'll be fine. When mine got to 3, they really understood the concept of having to eat x to get y. Start it up slowly, so 1 spoonful, after a bit 2 etc. now I say this is for tea, if you don't want it that's fine but there's nothing else. Mostly they choose to eat it.
Honestly I think at this age it's impossible to make them eat things they really don't want (some success with hiding in sauce/mash) and mealtime stress is not good for anyone.

Bobsmyaunty This is NORMAL !!!! Try not to stress at all. Give her what she eats and ignore her if she eats or not. This is just her taking a bit of control of her life. The less you stress the better she'll be. Meat is not necessary (even milk isn't necessary after I yr. old). Fruit and beans have protein in them. We all eat too much protein anyway. .

Make a game out of it , sit her toys down with her and get them to eat, (still not saying anything about them being good or bad ) or play goldilocks at breakfast with her porridge.

BTW I speak as an ex nanny and C\M, mum of 3 and EY teacher.

Relax. She has you over a barrel doesn't she!? Lots of attention and fuss from mummy as well as extra Puds and fruit. Why on earth would she eat???

Stop worrying. If she is on the 90th centile then she is clearly not wasting away anytime soon. Give vitamins if you are that worried, but otherwise back off completely. Don't hide food in other food otherwise she will not trust you and will be suspicious of what you give her. By hiding food in other food, you are only treating yourself and YOUR anxiety rather than HER and her fussiness.
She is learning her likes and dislikes at this age. Toddler moodswings are legendary and come and go on a whim. This includes food. She is learning what she can control in her life.

Give her what you eat. If she eats it great. If she doesn't then don't comment and just take it away. Don't bribe her with puddings and fruit. Let her be in control of what order she eats things and offer a variety. Perhaps allow her to be involved in cooking of lunch (within reason) or at least choosing what to have.

Here is dinner, take it or leave it.
The only exception is if I have cooked a new meal, if they try it and don't like it then I won't cook it again and they can go and get a sandwich, fruit and yoghurt.

Agree with sophe about hiding food, a very bad idea unless it's grated cooked carrot in a tomato sauce!

Totally agree on the hiding food thing. My DH was a total veg refuser and he now eats loads and I've never had to hide any.

And no, I don't mean my DS

Have you tried making soup which you blend? Lentil/Vegetable soup can have chicken mixed in.

Also, maybe try chicken nuggets from McDonalds. Kids love them.

I agree, its pretty normal to be fussy, and to be honest, she seems to be eating a good variety of food.

In our house you eat what your given or you get nothing. My dd tried the fussy thing at about that age but soon realised when she went to bed or nap time with nothing it wasn't worth it, now at 2 she will eat anything, she doesn't have to clear her plate but she has to have tried everything on it and veg has to be eaten or no yoghurt fruit etc. I don't bribe her with yogurt or fruit but you don't get offered anything else if you haven't eaten.
Don't turn it into a battle just be calm and matter of fact about it. They really won't starve themselves.

Well I hope your dd doesn't get eating disorders fishfinger Because there's a lot of people who are overweight or underweight on here who were not 'allowed ' to be fussy when they were little.

I have 5 and they are all good eaters.We did baby led weaning with all of them and i think that helped.

We all eat together as much as possible which isn’t every night,but because there’s 5 of them they never eat alone which i guess helps!

I don’t make a fuss,i tend to put the food out on the table rather than plate it up.then put a small amount of each food on for them,they can have more if they want it.

I don’t make them try anything if they don’t want to,i don’t make them have set amount of mouthfuls before they can finish,and i don’t use pudding as a bribe.I do make sure there is at least one thing on there that they will eat though.

For example,if i make curry i know my dd can be a bit fussy sometimes so i make sure there is salad and some chappatti/poppadoms with it,she will always eat those.It all evens out over a week.

I do believe that if you offer a bit of all foods then they will get what they need providing they are normal healthy children.They ill eat when they are hungry and if they are exposed to different foods enough then eventually they will try it.

Bloody hell ppeatfruit that's a bit much! There are hundred reasons why a person would develop an eating disorder I hardly think you need to lay that at fishfingers door.

My children get the family meal, sometimes they make a fuss, sometimes they don't but there is usually something they do eat and often something they refuse. Try to balance it out over the week - like othrers have said they won't starve. If I were you right now I wouldn't do the pudding thing. I know it feels crap if you think they haven't eaten enough, but I did this and had to battle with the whole 'is there pudding?' question before my children were willing to negotiate trying things...so knocked it on the head for a bit - although gave fruit as part of meal etc.

What we do now (my children are 11, 6, 5, 3) is have our bits of meal in separate bowls (ie a bowl of broccoli, plare of chicken, bowl of jacket potatoes) and any extras (ie sour cream/avocado with chilli etc) all laid out nicely in middle of table, then we pass and offer to eachother during themeal. It seems to make food more appealing (and I got to indulge in buying lots of pretty bowls for serving!!) plus helps get table manners going in the right direction. I am having another baby soon so it will be interesting to see whether this way of eating has good results at the weaning stage...fingers crossed!

Good luck with it. I'm sure you are doing a grand job - these early years are so knackering - but looking back now there are definite phases of fussy eating/crap sleeping and they do pass: I promise!

Well if you go on the threads I go on, a number of them say they were forced to eat and had to clear their plates and it's left them with food issues I'm just stating facts.

Fishgingers is not making them clear their plates though, she is just encouraging them to try a bit of everything.

No but she goes to bed or nap without anything IMO that's not a pleasant way to control a child of under 2 esp.