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Original poster

Is my nearly 4-year-old a bit of a goth?

54 replies

imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 14:00

Not that I mind anything gothic. It's just that she seems very different to other little girls her age. Her favourite colour is black (although she's also partial to yellow), she hates all things pink, princessy or fairylike. But she's not a tomboy, she's quite slight, careful and delicate in her build and movements. Her favourite DVD ever (so far) was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp. Her cutesy /girlish loves are animals and she's madly into jewellery and interesting accessories of any kind. On the darker side, virtually every imaginary game she plays rapidly turns into a scenario in which some poor toy meets a horrible end, is abandoned by its friends or develops an evil double which causes havok. And she's obsessed with the idea of death which freaks her out and leaves her shaky and crying.

Am I doing something seriously wrong? Or is this familiar to anyone else?

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 14:22

I should also add that she's very lovely and has a wicked sense of humour ...

Anyone?

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katzg · 05/06/2006 14:29

no experience - just wish i had a non-pink loving girl!

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 14:34

Well, yes, it is good in that respect. But is it NORMAL???

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nooka · 05/06/2006 14:48

My little girl is an incredibly pink girly girl, but also went through a phase of rather macabre games - many abandoned children/small animals were involved. She didn't seem very bothered about this (although she does suffer from the occasional nightmare) and also had many many games about said small animals/children getting married. I think your daughter sounds lovely (but then I have to confess to a gothic teenage period!)

ProfYaffle · 05/06/2006 14:49

I think she sounds lovely too! I can remember being quite morbid when I was little (can't remember what age though) obsessed with witches, really gory ghost stories etc Never did me any harm

madmarchhare · 05/06/2006 14:51

Does she like The Jesus and Marychain?

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 14:53

No but maybe only because she hasn't heard of them! She's into P.J. Harvey, favourite song being 'Meet Za Monster' plus she likes Kraut Rock, anything fairly loud or electronic.

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 14:55

nooka, I had a gothic period too around 13 I think. Funnily enough she doesn't seem prone to nightmares and has no fear of the dark or insects or any of those things.

Gosh I'm making her out to seem a bit Damian aren't I? She's actually very very affectionate and sweet. Just with a strong dark side!

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madmarchhare · 05/06/2006 14:58

Smile @ her liking PJ Harvey. She sounds fab.

Im sure the 'death' thing is something that most kids have an episode with at some point or another.

booge · 05/06/2006 15:21

By the time I was 10 I would only wear black and I never liked pink or dolls...sounds like you have a very cool dd. I'm expecting a girl and dreading doing the pink and girlie stuff...not sure I know how to. [worried]

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:26

booge, I too really dreaded the Barbie Phase but braced myself for it as an inevitability having seen various very cool mum friends get caught up in it with their kids. So far ... just the opposite, not a jot of pinkness in sight... And the hours we spend sorting through her 'treasure box' and putting bangles and necklaces in order is rather relaxing.

The small fluffy toys developing evil doubles and doing unspeakable things is another story of course ...

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:27

madmarchhair she also likes Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, Gary Numan.

And Abba. Grin

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satine · 05/06/2006 15:29

She might like \link{http://www.wishville.co.uk/gorey/index.htm\one of my favourite books!}

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:34

Satine ... she WOULD!! Smile thanks.

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:35

I can already see her going kind of wide-eyed and serious at the sight of those pictures ...

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Twiglett · 05/06/2006 15:37

I would question where a 3 year old is getting horrible ends from personally ...

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:47

Twiglett, I honestly don't know. She gets exposed to a massive variety of things - I'm mentioning here the things that she's very keen on which slightly worry me. But I show her lots of old kids t.v. shows like Mary, Mungo and Midge or anything with talking animals which she's also very fond of. I think the morbid ends to her games come from a combination of her picking up on the darker parts of stories / programmes and embellishing them in her mind.

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 15:49

But yes, although I've spoken light-heartedly on here about it, it does worry me. When we play together I try to make 'pleasant' scenarios i.e. a 'teaparty' but she'll come along with the suggestion that the food is poisoned, for example, and one of the guests dies, then another and on it goes. And I really don't know if this is 'normal' or if I should worry. She's my only child you see.

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madmarchhare · 05/06/2006 15:50

Has anyone close to her died?

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 16:04

No, nobody. She's never had anything unsettling in her life really. No major problems with me and dp, no big health scares apart from a couple of nasty asthma attacks which did frighten her.

Twiglett, by the way, she's very nearly 4. Don't know if that makes a difference? She's at pre-school every morning but her friends seem very sweet, pink-loving little girls.

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Twiglett · 05/06/2006 16:07

I don't know tbh ... I would admit to being slightly surprised at the darkness in her games .. but that doesn't mean that its not normal .. she's probably just got a good imagination

Does she imagine heroes or people to save everyone or is the ending always dark? .. the concept of poisoning is a bit bizarre for an almost 4 year old

don't think not liking pink is an issue at all

madmarchhare · 05/06/2006 16:09

If shes at nursery she could just be copying the other kids (esp the one with older siblings). Has the teacher ever noticed anything?

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 16:10

She has an AMAZING imagination, she can hold a story she makes up really well, invents songs, does beautiful pictures. But her passions tend to the dark and nothing else seems to quite satisfy her. I don't know how to put it otherwise. For instance, we went to see Curious George at the cinema (a very sweet story with no dark side) and she was really really bored. Wallace and Grommit and the Were Rabbit thingy however and she was riveted. Does that make sense?

As for where being poisoned comes from well anywhere really ... maybe me telling her not to pick berries and eat them because they might be poison. Or Snow White eating a poisoned apple. Who knows? The elements are all there in her daily life and she seems to chose them in this way.

And it worries me!

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/06/2006 16:12

madmarchhare she seems very different to her little friends although she's popular with them and talks about them. The teachers tell me that at school she's always 'happy and busy' although she likes to play alone quite a lot which they didn't see as a particular problem.

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CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 16:13

if, my dd is 3.8 and she has recently started talking about death. Yesterday she told me that her toy cat had died! And that she would never ever see her again because she was dead. I think maybe they are exploring the concept of death at this age for the first time and for some of them just get affected more like your dd.