Is my nearly 4-year-old a bit of a goth?

[imaginaryfriend]

Not that I mind anything gothic. It's just that she seems very different to other little girls her age. Her favourite colour is black (although she's also partial to yellow), she hates all things pink, princessy or fairylike. But she's not a tomboy, she's quite slight, careful and delicate in her build and movements. Her favourite DVD ever (so far) was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp. Her cutesy /girlish loves are animals and she's madly into jewellery and interesting accessories of any kind. On the darker side, virtually every imaginary game she plays rapidly turns into a scenario in which some poor toy meets a horrible end, is abandoned by its friends or develops an evil double which causes havok. And she's obsessed with the idea of death which freaks her out and leaves her shaky and crying.

Am I doing something seriously wrong? Or is this familiar to anyone else?

I was a very dark child .. liked the horror side of things .. but don't think it started that early .. I remember drawing pictures of a hand (drawing round my hand) but cutting one of the fingers off and colouring in the blood and gore .. must have been about 8

I'd continue to encourage her imagination tbh .. if she likes the dark side see if she can work through it to a more pleasant solution

bet she'd love power rangers

twiglett, I do that all the time. I feel like a bit of a bore as I keep trying to resolve the tragedies into pleasant little happy endings. She gets more and more frustrated and usually tells me I can't play any more!

Actually maybe what it is is that she likes 'thrill'. We visited my mother recently and dd totally amazed me by going on a children's rollercoaster and totally loving it. Anything to do with speed, loud music, passionate dark tales just seems to be her aesthetic. Although as I said she's very quiet and organised as a character. Oh blimey I'll never get my head around it all.

I remember going through a phase at playgroup when I was little in which I painted lots of pictures and when asked what they were I would reply "a car crash"...I hadn't been in a car crash, or witnessed one...and can't have seenit on tv cos my dad had a bit of a 'thing' about tv so a barely saw any...I also remember being fascinated by some home safety book we had, possibly with Jimmy Saville on it (!!) which was all about being careful not to drink bleach or throw yourself down stairs etc...
I like to think I am okay now!

She sounds like a clever girl with a fantastic imagination to me. I'll bet it's just a phase, my ds(6) is currently obsessed with body organs, dissection, viruses, poisoning.....Actually, come to think of it he was in hospital with suspected meningitis a couple of months ago which must have been a huge thing for him. Maybe your dd's scary asthma attacks do indeed have something to do with it. I know it's a worry when they're a bit "weird",mine is that way inclined but I'm learning to enjoy his uniqueness.:)

just caught up....my ds ALWAYS plays alone!

just caught up....my ds ALWAYS plays alone!

Thanks Jesse and Adelaide.

One of dd's favourite things is to stand at the kitchen table with her wipe-off magnetic drawing board thing and while I'm working in the kitchen she makes up little stories and pictures which she narrates to me (I'm forbidden from interrupting)- usually odd little tales of heart-shaped figures drowning in a dark sea or friendly rockets getting set on fire by mistake. And I listen and love all the inventive bits and fret about all the gloomy bits.

I really wouldn't worry too much, I think this is a phase. She will probably grow out of death/maiming as the mainstay of her games in a few months. I suspect that you are only so aware of it because you play with her quite a bit. My two have a 16mth gap, and to be honest I don't get much of a look in on the games front, but sometimes I am quite horrified at some of the things they get up to in their imaginary games. And then I come back 10 mins or so later and find that everyone who was dead a few minutes earlier is now friends (or married, as I said before!) I think that kids just like to explore things, and death and the macabre are just interesting concepts at that age before they are very real. dd can do a fantastically sad "and her mother and father died and she was an orphan..." line. But I really really don't think she is disturbed! If she had any cruel "pulling wings of flies" tendencies that would be different. On another line entirely, is it possible that she might be quite enjoying your discomfort with the topic? I think little girls are quite canny, and being in charge of games is quite empowering.

I think it's pretty normal, isn't it? If children with dark imaginations were so unusual, then the Lemony Snicket books wouldn't sell in such numbers, would they?

The Lemony Snicket books?

Nooka, thanks, that's reassuring. Yes, we do play together quite a lot, or rather we spend quite a lot of time together as usually dd likes to do her own games but lets me join in now and then so long as I follow the 'script' properly.

No, no way does dd have any hurtful tendencies towards real living things, quite the opposite. She makes friends with flies and ants and gets terribly upset at the sight of a dead bird or mouse on the roadside.

\link{http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/documentaries/profile/lemony-snicket.shtml\lemony snicket}

She'd love Lemony Snicket. She sounds lovely, by the way.

I think she sounds absolutely lovely, what a character.

Don't worry about her, don't fret and don't try to steer her too much, just go with it! What struck me reading your posts is that it might be about control..she is controlling the nasty events in her imagination, which could be for her a way of dealing with all the fears that life holds.

If only you could have heard my DS in the car today, pretending to hack my mum's arm off with an axe and then chop it up into bits and he is a child who has seen nothing but cbeebies and disney dvd's and is tucked up in bed by 6!!!!!! It's just there in their minds and they have to work through it, it's part of learning what is and isn't acceptable in life.

I think she sounds very bright.

thought I ought to post - she sounds fine I was like this drove my mum mad wanting black clothes, dd also likes the same music as your dd and is not too fussed about pink and is unphased by death. As someone else said it is a way to control what is going on around them and to face their fears. Ps I think I turned out alright!!

She sounds superb. My mum told me the other day that my 3 year old DS is "obsessed with death" whenever hes playing he goes "aaargh im dead"

Just makes me laugh

DS was into Queens of the Stoneage when he was about 3. Had to play the cd repeatedly while he played air guitar. Like everything, it's probably just a phse.

Ooh I was going to suggest the Edward Gorey book, I loved it as a child.
Aren't children fascinating! I think it is so interesting to see how children's personalities develop, and how much of it is there from the very beginning. I shouldn't worry too much as long as she is happy. She sounds lovely.

I think she sounds a superbly individual character and thank god all children are not the same. I am imagining her as looking like a young Fuschia from Gormenghast :)

I think your dd is going to be a master storyteller for sure. Wonderful for you both, I am quite jealous.

My son is just 3 and a real innocent, but this week he has wanted to play game after game where one of us pretends to be dead. It is partly just a way of working through their fears, and partly the beginning of a really creative imagination.

It did wear a bit thin when at 7 am he would announce with a sunny smile on his face: "Let's play Dead Me." :)

I think she might also enjoy \link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1843650606/qid=1149537826/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-0548513-2519827\Struwwelpeter}. I have had to hide it from ds because he loves it but I am afraid it will give him nightmares - especially about the tailor with the giant scissors who comes to cut off little Suck-a-Thumbs thumbs

Lemony Snicket looks up her street but maybe when she's a bit older you think?

Wow, thanks for all the replies. As some of you have said I do think she works through these things as a means of understanding and control. I think she's pretty sensitive, she gets upset if she thinks she's hurt somebody's feelings. Bloody hell it must be hard sometimes to be nearly-4!

FrannyandZooey, don't go there with Struwelppeter! I was a thumb-sucker as a child. Until I saw that damned book and then lived in fear of the Long Red-Legged Scissor Man. I used to sleep with my thumbs curled into the palms of my hand, then pressed under my stomach so he couldn't snip them off! I'm definitely keeping that one away from dd at the moment. By the way, dd looks a lot like Tuesday (Thursday?) from the Adams Family (the old black and white one) especially as she's inherited my heavy Jewish eyebrows, has a frequent serious frown and loves to wear her hair in plaits.

any other teeny 'goths' out there?

imaginary _ I haven't read the whole thread, just the first few posts but just wanted to say that she sounds brilliant. So much more interesting that ponies and fairies.

also would say that my 4.5 year old DS is pretty interested in giving things gory (well to him) endings too, think that's fairly normal at this age.

she is brilliant katie. I wouldn't attempt to change her in any way except if she's unhappy.