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Original poster

Etiquette re choosing same name as a friend's baby...

61 replies

MrsMc82 · 02/08/2009 23:27

Hi all, a friend of mine is having a c section tomorrow (v excited for her!) and i found out that she 's def having a boy and has chosen to name him finlay...... I'm nearly 16 weeks and dh and i had also chosen finlay (ONLY boys name we both agree on and love) really set on our choice but worried it'd be frowned on or that people would just think we copied her (god that sounds childish!)
any views / advice re this??
xx

OP posts:
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saadia · 02/08/2009 23:35

If they are close friends then it will seem strange. I would try to think of a different name.

Tidey · 02/08/2009 23:38

Agree. If they are people you only see once in ablue moon, you could probably still use it, but if they are close friends, you really shouldn't. If you're only 16 weeks you don't know what sex yours is yet anyway. I would try having another think and a look through the name books.

tummytickler · 02/08/2009 23:40

I would definately try to find something else.
Personally, i would find something totally different, but maybe Finnian is a nice alternative?

scottishmummy · 02/08/2009 23:45

there is no etiquette,no one has dibs on a name.if you like it use it

finlay is a name featured on popular lists,not some unique to her name.

ceciliamay · 02/08/2009 23:46

I dont think you need to find a different name, you might not always be friends with them and if you do have a Son they might not grow up with your friends son.

If you are 100% you want the name I would leave it until you are nearly due and then talk to your friend about how you already had the names thought out for your baby.

Personally I wouldnt mind in the slightest if a friend of mine used one of my childrens name for their kids

scottishmummy · 02/08/2009 23:50

if some chose same names as me,no biggie.
dont get this precious my name,anyone use it i will hurl.it smacks of little princess unreasonable

so no one pick the same name?what would you do when you rock up at school and meet another finlay etc?throw a hissy fit and demand they leave?

Tidey · 02/08/2009 23:53

The OP doesn't sound like that at all. She has accepted that her friend is definitely having a boy and calling it Finlay, all she's asking is if it seems weird for her to use then name too.

If it was her friend posting in a few weeks: 'My friend says she wants to use my son's name and I don't want her to', THAT would be unreasonable and spoilt.

scottishmummy · 02/08/2009 23:57

tidey,im not specifically talking about OP.im musing opinion that some think you have dibs on a name.and it shouldnt be copied

tis a MN perennial, always get folk going
i was going to call my baby gluteus maximus and my sil copied me. the cow

Tidey · 03/08/2009 00:00

lol scottishmummy, I see what you mean. And Gluteus Maximus is such a lovely name

scottishmummy · 03/08/2009 00:03

yes he has a brother hallux Vagus.honestly there have been too many to count threads like that

i was going to call my bubs brachial plexus,but my caaaaw of a mate copied me. i want to bash her

savoycabbage · 03/08/2009 00:04

I think you should have the name you want to have. It might be a bit 'socially awkward' but in the grand scheme of things what would that matter.

You and your ds will make lots of new friends along the way, first day of school, joining cubs, high school, going to work. He should have the name that you want him to have. Being a baby is only the very, very beginning of his life. He might go to school and become best friends with a boy with the same name as the new name you pick.

I have moved to the other side of the world, joined a forum for British people, met up with a woman who lives really close to us in Melbourne, in the next suburb. Her 2 year old has the same name as my 2 year old. We just look like two English loons in the park.

scottishmummy · 03/08/2009 00:05

seriously,no one has dibs on a known name.
if you like it, use it

Tidey · 03/08/2009 00:09

The posters saying 'use it anyway' really do make good points. I just would feel weird if a close friend had a baby shortly before me and used the name I was going to. I would feel as though I should find another name, so it didn't look like I'd copied her, so conversations about both children wouldn't be confusing, in case she got annoyed about it. It all sounds rather pathetic, but it's how I personally would feel. Fair play to you braver folk.

Original poster
MrsMc82 · 03/08/2009 07:27

Lol at scottishmummy - may think of glutus as middle name!? Hehe! ;-)

cheers for the advice -think that as she not a close friend (she lovely just not one of my BEST mates) and lives 200 miles away so don't see her all the time will prob be fine!

Although may change our minds in next few months, as people we know keep saying, but really hope we don't - was hard enough finding one boys name we agreed on!

X

OP posts:
plusonemore · 03/08/2009 07:38

chances are you'll go off it by then so dont worry

plusonemore · 03/08/2009 07:38

i like it btw, but we went off our first choices with both ours

MamaLazarou · 03/08/2009 10:05

Bah... there are already loads of Finlays around at the moment - one more won't make much difference.

I would make it clear to the friend that you still intend to use it, though.

Mammina · 03/08/2009 10:07

Personally I wouldn't, although agree that your friend doesn't 'own' the name.
How about Finton instead - heard it recently & think it's lovely and more original than Finlay (I think it's Irish)

MamaLazarou · 03/08/2009 10:12

Fintan is the Irish spelling, I think (was in a Marian Keyes novel!).

muffle · 03/08/2009 10:12

You have to go for the name you want. I speak as someone whose friend "copied" our baby name - DS has an unusual name and a friend who had a baby a couple of years later used it too. She did ask how I'd feel about it first which was polite of her, but really, people have the right to call their baby what they like. He will have his name for life - it should be the one that feels right.

saintmaybe · 03/08/2009 10:23

You could just as easily meet someone with a baby called finlay when they're 6 weeks old, some names are popular. It doesn't matter. I've got friends who both have 12 year olds called Henry, there really isn't a problem.

Notalone · 03/08/2009 10:35

Its a tricky one isn't it? When I was having Ds I wanted to call him Charlie. A friend was due a couple of weeks before me who was also having a boy asked what names I had because she was really struggling and couldn't find one she liked. I told her I was going to call him Charlie and then when her Ds was born she called him Charlie. This was before the name Charlie became popular. I just felt that I couldn't call DS Charlie anymore and I was a little bit annoyed that she had used the name I wanted. I know it sounds a bit precious and of course all the comments here make a lot of sense, but at the time I was annoyed. DS has a lovely name that really suits him now but I still think Charlie would have suited him too. Ironically I don't see said friends anymore which is why all the comments here are so true but at the time it was quite a big thing for me. Hormones maybe or just completely irrational?

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 10:53

very, very annoying, but you just have to choose something else. I know some people say, nobody owns names! but I think it would look odd, either like you were copying her, or worse, like you didn't care if she were upset, or care if people thought you had no imagination etc

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 10:55

What about Fergus or Lorcan?

Fergus is a great name.

lou031205 · 03/08/2009 10:59

Or Angus is lovely, or Hamish.

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