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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Etiquette re choosing same name as a friend's baby...

61 replies

MrsMc82 · 02/08/2009 23:27

Hi all, a friend of mine is having a c section tomorrow (v excited for her!) and i found out that she 's def having a boy and has chosen to name him finlay...... I'm nearly 16 weeks and dh and i had also chosen finlay (ONLY boys name we both agree on and love) really set on our choice but worried it'd be frowned on or that people would just think we copied her (god that sounds childish!)
any views / advice re this??
xx

OP posts:

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belgo · 03/08/2009 11:12

What about Phineas or Phinean?

TwoHot · 03/08/2009 11:31

If it were me and my freind chose the same name I wouldnt mind

mrsradders · 03/08/2009 11:42

i would say use it if you want to especially if she isn't really close by and they won't be in same school year etc,

but then...

a friend of mine is due in a week and doesn't know what she is having she said they were struggling with names and i asked what they had...our name which is now definite wasn't on her list...phew....and so i told her what we had decided, and she said she liked both and wished she had written them on her list....

aarrggghhh i have said i don't mind if she uses the ,iddle name as a first but would rather she didn't use the first..am i mean!!!???

changenameruk · 03/08/2009 12:04

i would say use the name. the same thing happened to me. I wanted to call a daughter lucy and that was the name we picked out for our first baby but he was a boy. By the time we had a daughter 2 years later we were close friends with a family whose little daughter was lucy so dh said no to lucy! needless to say within 2 years we lost touch with our friends and i always regret not calling my dd lucy

mrsradders · 03/08/2009 12:06

yikes just put 2 and 2 together and realised said friend is on this site tooo.... i really hope i don't/haven't upset

TwoHot · 03/08/2009 12:29

Its not me

slowreadingprogress · 03/08/2009 13:07

People should use the names they want for their children. Whether it's the same as a friend or not - really not an issue

Can't believe that people try to 'own' names among friends. Bizarre.

stillstanding · 03/08/2009 13:17

I really disagree with the posters on here who say you can't use it. As far as I am concerned unless it is a made-up name or something you have obviously directly copied (i.e. something very unusual) - neither of which applies to Finlay - then you are allowed to use it. The only time I would not go for it is if one of your siblings uses it for one of their DCs.

I am always flattered when a friend uses a name that I have chosen for my DC. I certainly don't have priority on a name and would never be pissed off with someone for chosing the same name.

If you really love Finlay - go for it. Otherwise you will always be wishing you had.

stillstanding · 03/08/2009 13:20

I would also say that if you are still keen on the name nearer to the birth I would probably have a quiet word with your friend and say that F is the name that you were planning on calling your DS and is the only name you and DH can agree on and that it's on your short list etc etc and you hope she wouldn't mind if you did decide to go with it in the end. A little heads-up is a nice acknowledgment although you certainly don't need her permission.

sleepymommy · 03/08/2009 13:27

I have two Aunties who liked the name Ryan. First Auntie was pregnant, had a boy, but didn't call him Ryan because second Auntie had liked it first, and wanted to use it when she had a child. But she wasn't expecting yet. ten years later, second auntie had a girl. Then another girl. Then got sterilised. Then told everyone that if she'd had a boy, he would have been called Liam!
But my first Auntie didn't use the name she loved based on one conversation with her SIL.

I don't think you should mention to your friend that you want the name. If you don't want your baby to have the same name, you'll have to accept that she got there first, and come up with a different name for yours! Otherwise, just give him the name, it won't matter!

alypaly · 03/08/2009 13:33

My neighbour went into hospital the day b4 me me and i wasnt aware she had gone in. I went in the next day and bumped into her on the ward . We said hi and then introduced our sons who we had called matthew and we live next door to each other and they were born on the same day. !!!!!!!!!

nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 13:46

I think if it's not someone you are likely to see very often then that's fine. If it were someone you might see a lot of then it would be polite to ask if it would be OK first I think.

cece · 03/08/2009 13:47

I have used the same name as a good friend of mine but there is 10 years between our DSs. They were both thrilled that I had used his name for my new baby. But as they are close in age it might be a bit more of a problem with your friend. I think it depends really though on how precious she is going to be about it. TBH there are hundreds of Finleys around here so perhaps not a problem really!

mrsradders · 03/08/2009 14:23

i think if my friend and her husband only agreed on the name that i have already chosen then i would hate for them not to use it and have a name they weren't keen on, and i'm not precious about my other childrens names now, but i have tried to choose names that are not to odd, weird etc but also not popular...trying to avoid there being another or a few more in the same school year in our small town!!!

i think as there were soo many with the same name as me at school and i hated it!!!

nappyaddict · 03/08/2009 16:08

cece did your friend tell you before hand or was it a lovely surprise when her DS was born?

cece · 03/08/2009 20:29

no her ds was first!

my ds was born 10 weeks ago. originally we were going for another name. when he was born it didn't suit him. took us 4 days to think of his name and it happened to be the same as my friend's son. she said she didn't mind at all, nor did her 10 year old ds.

you might find when he is born it doesn't suit him like we did. same thing happened with dd; she didn't suit our first choice of name so got another one!

personally I can't understand choosing a definite name before you have met your dc anyway!

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 20:40

Imagine the two of you are sitting in starbucks having a coffee and you both have 5 month old babies, both boys, both called Finlay. I think that's kind of embarrassing tbh. There are other names.

OP, so, did youf friend have her baby? is he a Finlay!?

georgimama · 03/08/2009 20:45

In about 1500 nearly every man was called Henry, John or Thomas. Women were called Elizabeth, Catherine or Mary. No one seemed to have issues with this.

I exaggerate but honestly, there is too much of this. If you like the name, use it. End of.

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 20:49

georgimama, don't think it's an exaggeration! and every woman was Anne, Mary, Katherine, Jane or Elizabeth.

My granddad's parents had a baby before he was born and called the baby William. That baby died sadly while my Great grandmother was already pregnant wiht her next child, who they ALSO called William. I found that the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard when I found out.

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 20:50

I am reading the boleyn in heritence at the mo and hard to keep track of at times for all the annes and catherines.

maggievirgo · 03/08/2009 20:50

I am reading the boleyn in heritence at the mo and hard to keep track of at times for all the annes and catherines.

georgimama · 03/08/2009 20:52

You're absolutely right, some women were called Anne or Jane instead.

My mum's researching her family and tree and there's loads of that - younger siblings named after deceased elder siblings, and generations and generations of men with exactly the same name as their fathers. Made her think one of her great great great grandfathers had lived for about 130 years until we released what was the what.

PinkTulips · 03/08/2009 20:58

i know a woman who has names both her kids born in the village the same name as kids only a little older from the same small social circle.

it is a bit odd imo.

you have loads of time to find a name in the next 24 weeks or so, i wouldn't use the same name as you friend tbh.

PinkTulips · 03/08/2009 21:01

sorry for appalling grammar... trying to eat dinner, feed ds2 and MN simultaneously

ilovemydogandmrobama · 03/08/2009 21:04

George Foreman names all of his 5 sons, 'George'

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