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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give my ds any dinner?

58 replies

GoHungry · 09/06/2010 17:07

Namechanged to protect my regular name from the flaming I might receive.

Ds was invited over to a friend's house today to play and then for tea. About quarter of an hour ago the friend's mum rang me to collect him as he was refusing to eat any tea because it was not yet 5:00.

So I have collected him, and have told him I am utterly ashamed that he has behaved so rudely a someone else's house to the point I have been asked to bring him home, and that given he'd been offered tea and turned it down he won't be getting anything now until breakfast.

He's seven btw, so plenty old enough to have some decent bloody manners.

OP posts:

biddysmama · 09/06/2010 17:08

maybe he didnt like what she was offering?

muggglewump · 09/06/2010 17:09

Is he normally so rigid in his mealtimes?
Did he like the meal?

SloanyPony · 09/06/2010 17:09

Was he being weird/difficult or was he just saying that he's not yet hungry? And if so, did he say so politely?

Need you to elaborate I think!

hairytriangle · 09/06/2010 17:10

Yabu!!! You're being cruel to him!

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/06/2010 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

waitingforbedtime · 09/06/2010 17:10

Why did the mum ring you? Id just have left him to it and told you at hometime.

booyhoo · 09/06/2010 17:10

yabu, make him phone and apologise for his behaviour. food deprivation is a bad idea and will create a bed relationship with food.

DelGirl · 09/06/2010 17:11

I don't think your ds should have flatly refused to eat but I do think the other mum was being ott in ringing you to pick him up!

Original poster

GoHungry · 09/06/2010 17:11

he said he wasn't hungry. Yet I know (from experience) that if it had been biscuits/chocolate etc on offer he would have been hungry for that.

The meal was a selection of things, some of which he likes, some which he doesn't. He refused to touch any of it.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2010 17:12

Probably NBU for picking him up on not eating when it was their tea time, not sure if I'd make him go without because of it.

Is it a bit weird for the mum to ring you to pick him up for not eating it? Or did he ask to come back?

If one of DDs friends said they didn't want to eat because it wasn't five, I'd either just let them not eat it or let them wait til five. I'd laugh about it with them, not send them home.

biddysmama · 09/06/2010 17:13

oh and yabu... thats too long without food, i ahd to do a 12 hour fast and nearly passed out (i'm pregnant but your ds is a child) and it would mean his last meal was at 12ish and probably wont eat again till 7ish(i'm guessing your routine).... thats 19 hours

winnybella · 09/06/2010 17:13

Why was the other mother calling you? How bizarre.
Oh and YABU.

alarkaspree · 09/06/2010 17:14

My dd didn't eat anything on a playdate recently for the same reason - they gave her dinner much earlier than she's used to and she wasn't hungry. I didn't think she'd been rude. She is 6.

If your ds was genuinely rude - i.e. he said 'are you mad? Dinner time is NOT 4.45pm. I couldn't possibly eat this crap anyway' then yes he should have some kind of appropriate sanction for being rude. Maybe not allowed to go to a friend's house next week. Don't punish him by withholding food though.

Altinkum · 09/06/2010 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 09/06/2010 17:14

Why is he so stuck on tea being at a precise time - is he like that at home?

have you asked him why he did it? (for instance he might have hated the food, and panicked into saying what he did so he didn't have to eat it)

It sounds rather curious - if it was genuinly a time thing, if I was your friend I'd have just said 'OK I'll pop yours in the oven until five, we're having ours now.' Ringing you to collect him seems a bit extreme.

And I personally if you do feel the need to punish him, I wouldn't use food. I think food is an essential in caring for someone's needs, and also its not good to link it with reward/punishment because it can gain associations other than with health and nutrition.

Original poster

GoHungry · 09/06/2010 17:17

well yes tbh if the situation had been reversed I would have just let them go without and told her when she came to pick them up. She seemed ve stressed and when she opened the door she said "I'm a bit annoyed!"

She has children that eat every mouthful of what is put in front of them so don't know that she's used to children that refuse food.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 09/06/2010 17:17

I would laugh and say ok wait till 5 then..not ring the mother... yabu and so was she for ringing you

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 09/06/2010 17:17

If he asks for food do you normally not give him anything until it is 5pm?

You need to find out exactly what he said and did and then give him some fruit or toast if you are not willing to cook him a proper meal.

On balance YABU.

hairytriangle · 09/06/2010 17:18

You're over reacting. Better to sit down and discuss with him why he refused the food. You are in danger of creating a bad parent child relationship by reacting angrily and depriving him of food. Poor little bloke

Morloth · 09/06/2010 17:19

Weird that she called/sent him home, I have had kids not eat for whatever reason, you just let the Mum know when she picks them up don't you, so they can have something at home if necessary.

A big deal about nothing IMO.

Original poster

GoHungry · 09/06/2010 17:20

kurrikurri no generally we do eat anything from 5 till 6:30 depending on whether ds is hungry/what we're doing/what snacks have been consumed that might ruin earlier dinner, there's no set time, so no idea about the reference to 5:00.

OP posts:

PigletJohn · 09/06/2010 17:21

Where did he get the idea that teatime has to be at 5 o'clock?

Are you punishing him because you feel embarrassed, or because he said something that he thought was right? At the age of 7 FFS?

Original poster

GoHungry · 09/06/2010 17:21

no fab, if it's really early I might give him a snack rather than a full meal but certainly wouldn't refuse.

OP posts:

oiteach · 09/06/2010 17:22

I feel sorrry for him. Sounds like the other mum over reacted, seven yr olds can be pretty crap at vocalising that they are simply not hungry, ie "I'm not eating dinner, it's not 5pm yet" instead of "I'm sorry I'm not hungry at the moment".

So now he is probably upset about being sent home early and in disgrace and on top of that won't get any tea tonight.

YABU and the other mum sounds pretty mean.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 09/06/2010 17:24

It sounds like maybe she hasn't told you everything, it does sound odd otherwise, to feel the need to call you and not just tell you when you came to collect.

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