Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL is driving me bananas

56 replies

Fibilou · 24/01/2010 08:27

Please note that my MIL is usually normal and lovely.

I am due with my first today (and first grandchild for both sets of parents). MIL has taken to ringing me twice a day to see "how I am" and whether I have had any "twinges". It has got to the point now where I don't answer the phone because I just want to shout "just leave me alone will you".

She also said the other night "let me know the minute you go into labour". Erm, no we chuffing well won't. We had already decided that we will not be telling anyone until the baby is here and he said as much, and MIL said "no, please let me know as soon as something starts happening". DH said later "I won't ring her, don't worry"

I am not a fucking circus attraction

OP posts:
Original poster
Fibilou · 24/01/2010 08:29

Oh, I also need to point out that her daughter is also pregnant and due a week after me so it's not as if I am the only member of the family with an impending birth.

OP posts:
GibbonInARibbon · 24/01/2010 08:33

Wish my MIL had been that bothered, I know it must be frustrating (have you had the baby yet? gets very tiring) but sorry, I think it's lovely that she cares so much

StealthPolarBear · 24/01/2010 08:35

She probably wants to make the point that your baby is just as important to her as her own DD's - because it is!
Can see why you'd be getting frustrated though

strongblackcoffee · 24/01/2010 08:35

Poor you, I really sympathise. She's obviously just ridiculously excited about the whole double birth thing. Don't worry, you can decide not to call her. Is there any way you can get her off your back? Could you try getting your dh to talk nicely to her about backing off a bit? Could you put a nice message on your answerphone saying that there's no news yet or something. Then just take the phone off the hook and enjoy your last few days of peace..?!

Boys2mam · 24/01/2010 08:36

Sorry but I think YABU

My entire family was like this when I was due with DS1 and it drove me nuts but they were just excited about the impending arrival.

Most stupid question was "you haven't had it yet then?", my answer "Yes, actually, I just forgot to ring you all and tell you"

Congrats and Good Luck

overmydeadbody · 24/01/2010 08:39

Well you'd be hurt if she was only interested in her daughter's pregnancy wouldn't you?

It's her DS's first child, of course she is excited and wants to know all the news. Just get your DH to answer the phone if you don't want to talk to her.

Pancakeflipper · 24/01/2010 08:42

She will drive you bananas - but if it wasn't her it would be someone else phoning or texting too.

She's doing it cos' she cares. She's excited and she's already unconditionally in love with your baby. I know it's a pain but cut her some slack... Your baby is one lucky child to have a grandma like her. Wish my mother had given a damn.

Original poster
Fibilou · 24/01/2010 08:42

I know she's excited OMDB, but twice a day ? I'm an only child and my mother doesn't ring me every day to see if i've gone into labour - even though this is her first (and only) grandchild as well.

I really hate feeling crowded and I know I am being U to feel annoyed when she is only excited but it's just too much

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 24/01/2010 08:57

Sorry...I can't say YABU as you are heavily pregnant! I genuinely think she is going to great lengths to let you know that you (and your baby) are not second place in her eyes, and that she is equally as excited about both her DS and her DD having a baby. It might be smothering but (assuming I'm assigning her the correct intentions) I think she means well. I ahve the opposite, although I talk to my mum much more than MIL I do try not to relegate MIL to 'second place grandma' - update her on DCs progress at the same time as mum etc.

diddl · 24/01/2010 09:04

Perhaps if you tell her you will let her know she will stop phoning?

If you did tell her would she rush over to the hospital?

We didn´t tell anyone until after the birth-didn´t occur to us to do otherwise tbh.

thesecondcoming · 24/01/2010 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodle · 24/01/2010 09:08

Twice a day? good god

maybe if you agreed to let her know if labour started she wouldn't feel the need to call so often? I don't really get why you couldn't let her know. It's nice to know people are rooting for you. Your choice though. Well maybe - there might not be time or opportunity

Becoming a grandparent is a massive deal. It's sweet that she's so excited.

I'm a week overdue, so familiar with the "yes, I'm still here" feelings.

Would she be terribly offended if your dh asked her to cut it down to one call per day?

Good luck, and wishing you patience! it will happen

Ps the first grandchild is the most important btw (spoken as a first grandchild)

Sparkletastic · 24/01/2010 09:15

Just get DH to say firmly that he will ring MIL asap after the birth and will not forget to tell her

Sympathies OP - my MIL insisted on being told when I went into labour with DD1 and stupid DH did ring her as instructed. I was having a home birth (much against her unasked for advice) and she was convinced I would die) so she then berated DH for only phoning her again in the morning once DD1 was safely out rather than giving her hourly updates as she had requested and causing her to have a sleepless night

Original poster
Fibilou · 24/01/2010 09:19

"I don't really get why you couldn't let her know"

Because it's a private thing and I don't want the whole family to know until the baby is born, especially if I am in labour for hours. I won't be telling my parents.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 24/01/2010 09:23

Fair enough. I guess on your first it can be private. This time around I need help, so I'll need to let my mother know.

FrannyandZooey · 24/01/2010 09:26

yes i understand
i was 10 days overdue with ds1 and 14 days with ds2
it gets WORSE because you really end up wanting to do harm to people ringing up cheerily or even worse, gloomily
"oh DEAR? no news yet? oh DEAR...."

I would get dp to tell her that you are pregnant and tired and hormonal and emotional and that you have asked that people don't ring every day to ask whether anything is happening, and that he thinks people should respect your wishes

2rebecca · 24/01/2010 09:28

Why not ask her to stop phoning? I did, I asked that all my family and husband's family plus well meaning friends stop ringing and told them we'd tell them once I'd delivered. No promises of telling them when I had a twinge etc. If you give the same message to everyone and don't personalise it then people won't take offence and might realise they are being OTT.

My SIL did the same, my brother rang near the due date to say my SIL was finding the phonecalls stressful and time consuming ( I hadn't been phoning her) and said he'd let the family know when the baby was born.
No-one was upset.

diddl · 24/01/2010 09:28

TBH,there´s not a lot she could do with the knowledge,is there?

I´d be tempted to tell her she doesn´t need to keep phoning that you will let her know.

And then when you tell her the baby is here she might not mention it-or if she does, tell her you got caught up in events.

skidoodle · 24/01/2010 09:31

She could pray?

IsItMeOr · 24/01/2010 09:31

YANBU - like you I'm a private person and this would drive me spare!

Get DH to tell her you appreciate her excitement, but she's is going OTT and it's causing you unnecessary stress. The baby won't come any quicker with her knowing sooner. A watched kettle never boils and all that...

Best of luck with the birth. You will be glad of your MIL's support in a few days/weeks.

Original poster
Fibilou · 24/01/2010 09:34

Diddl, I just don't want to tell anyone when I go into labour. Is that so awful ? It's mine and DH's business, it is not the business of grandparents or anyone else.

I don't know why people have this mania for knowing exactly what is happening with your pregnancy every 5 minutes and trying to prise more information out of you than you want to give. I don't want to tell people how "engaged" the baby is, how many contractions I am getting - because it is not their business.

Fortunately my own mother is very much of the school of thought "you tell us what you want to tell us dear, and when you want us to visit and we will".

OP posts:
diddl · 24/01/2010 10:00

Fibilou

I think you´ll find I´m agreeing with you!
I suggested to tell her that you will let her know(to stop the phone calls)-but don´t.

We didn´t tell anyone I was pregnant until about 16wk.

With second, had to tell ILs when in labour as they were coming tolook after PFB.

Original poster
Fibilou · 24/01/2010 10:04

Sorry Diddl, brain is not quite in gear today....

I won't tell her to stop calling because I don't want to seem as if I am being ungrateful for her support or to upset her, but at least I can moan on here and get it off my chest without actually offending either her or DH !!

OP posts:
Lycraphobe · 24/01/2010 10:14

"if I am in labour for hours" - I like this bit!

To the OP, the funny thing that happens when you have a baby, is that it is all about you right up until the moment the baby arrives and from then on it is pretty much all about the baby. The baby is your baby, but (s)he also belongs to the wider family too.
Your MIL is simply on tenterhooks looking forward to meeting her grandchild, and she's being a little insensitive about your role in it.

If I were you I'd tell her when labour is established - there will be plenty of time - and then tell her when the baby has arrived and you and DH have had a little while holding him/ her.
Just say that you are not sleeping well right now (which is probably true) so would she mind not calling during the day in case you are napping.

IsItMeOr · 24/01/2010 10:46

Fibilou - just realised today is your due date. You have double sympathy from me now, as it is so hard having to sit around waiting yourself.

I would carry on as you are - and vent away here!

Swipe left for the next trending thread