MIL is driving me bananas

[Fibilou]

Please note that my MIL is usually normal and lovely.

I am due with my first today (and first grandchild for both sets of parents). MIL has taken to ringing me twice a day to see "how I am" and whether I have had any "twinges". It has got to the point now where I don't answer the phone because I just want to shout "just leave me alone will you".

She also said the other night "let me know the minute you go into labour". Erm, no we chuffing well won't. We had already decided that we will not be telling anyone until the baby is here and he said as much, and MIL said "no, please let me know as soon as something starts happening". DH said later "I won't ring her, don't worry"

I am not a fucking circus attraction

[neolara]

My mum (who is lovely, by the way) turned up at the delivery room minutes after my SIL had twins. My DB had told her my SIL was in labour, but hadn't updated and my mum, always a catastrophier at the best of times, was convinced that something absolutely terrible had happened, especially as the hospital wouldn't tell her anything. As a previous poster said "beside herself with worry"....

So, if I were you, I wouldn't tell you MIL that you were going into labour until you have a lovely cuddly baby in your arms.

[catwalker]

YABU - we've always rung parents and my sis to let them know when I've gone into labour. Why on earth not? Is it so unreasonable of your MIL and other family members to want to share in the excitement?

And, as another poster said, she's probably going to pains to demonstrate that your baby will be as important as her own daughter's. Your MIL probably suspects that you won't let her know which is why she's ringing you twice a day - to find out for herself. Can't you just say to her that, this close to the birth, you're sleeping a lot through the day so you'd be grateful if she didn't ring so often, BUT you promise you'll let her know when you do go into labour.

[gladders]

YANBU - your body, your pregnancy, not a circus show.

if the phone calls are bothering you, you probably need to ask her (politely) to stop phoning and reassure you will phone when there's some news. she does not need to know that you will not be phoning until the baby has been born?

if you phone people as soon as twinges start, the problem will get worse. what if you have 2 weeks of twinges?!

nice that she's interested, but do stand up for yourselves here

[zipzap]

Have you spoken to your SIL to find out if she is also being plagued by lots of phone calls and to see if there is any way that you can get her to lessen the calls to both of you?

Maybe if it comes from her daughter that she is really tired and wants to rest more or whatever she will feel better about being told than if it comes from you, where she might suspect you of just trying to hide things from her because you are dil (not that you are).

And do you know if mil is going to be a birth partner for your sil? Maybe she is jealous that your mum is for you but she isn't for her daughter or thinks that if you want an older person there for you then she will be there for her ds whereas for her daughter she doesn't want any older people there so it's different and this is a way she can see to at least get hands on a very fresh baby!

downside is if you sil is having her mil and not her mum as a birth partner... that just makes it plain old tricky

[myermay]

i can understand why this is driving you nuts, but you are also very lucky to have a mil that cares so much, i wish i did. i would maybe say would you mind not calling at such and such times as i've been trying to nap and the phone keeps waking me, maybe say you'll call her in the evenings for a quick update. She sounds like she's goin to make a fab grandmother

[hormonalmum]

Not much use now, but if there is a next time, be very vague about your due date (or even lie!)

My mil was annoying when I was expecting ds. Texting and ringing all the time too.
Dh didnt help matters by constantly texting her when I was in labour - both with dd and ds.
Dh is on strict orders this time that he is not to tell anyone until baby is here. I want him concentrating on me (selfish - yes!)

(I am hoping my mum will be able to have dd and ds, so she will need to know but it's not because I am favouring her)