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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a play date is not for doing homework together?

57 replies

Helloall · 25/09/2009 14:33

Son went on playdate. Found out their new nanny made them do their homework. They are only 7. The new nanny is a bit tough, but each to their own.

My son is happy to do homework with us. He is doing quite well at school.

I would never dream of getting out another child's spelling book and making them do their homework when they come here. Wouldn't feel it was my place at all. What if my son were really worried about his spelling etc?

Want to politely tell mother (who I do like) that I don't want this new nanny to do this again but fear offending her.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 25/09/2009 14:34

I agree, a playdate is not for doing homework! The new nanny sounds over zealous. I would mention it to the other child's mother.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 25/09/2009 14:40

Providing the nanny didn't lock them in a cupboard with spiders I think that it is surely a bit her choice as to how the dcs spend the playdate. I don't really think it is for you to say anything unless this is happening more than once a week.
Making a kid do their homework isn't a punishment. Perhaps its a bit dry, but surely not harmful.
Personally, unless the child had a piss poor time playing at my house I would be pretty cheesed if the other mum decided what they could and couldn't do. Would you be happy if someone put limits on what you were able to do in your house on a playdate providing it wasn't damaging? If your dc hated it then I would just have the other child over to yours.

OtterInaSkoda · 25/09/2009 14:55

tbh I'd be grateful that it was all over and done with on someone else's watch. If it was that hellish I doubt your ds will want to go to his friend's house again in a hurry anyway - in which case for the sake of the oc I guess you could mention to his parent that you don't mind if he doesn't do his homework then. Rather that than disclose your displeasure at having your ds's "playdate" (sorry but I loathe that term) spoiled, which would come across as rather ungracious imo.

cat64 · 25/09/2009 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AvengingGerbil · 25/09/2009 14:57

I'd be thrilled if someone would make ds do his homework on a playdate, instead of having to do it when he comes home overtired and hyped up from said playdate. Count your blessings.

IdrisTheDragon · 25/09/2009 14:59

I'd be fine with someone else doing DS's homework with him tbh.

groundhogs · 25/09/2009 15:00

Depends if DS is bothered by it, if not, don't interfere... He may have enjoyed it.

Smithagain · 25/09/2009 15:10

I can kind of imagine DD1 and her best friend deciding to do their homework together. And in that situation, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I know that they are both on a very similar level etc.

I wouldn't want someone else's parent or nanny insisting that homework is done.

claricebeansmum · 25/09/2009 15:13

I agree with AvengingGerbil.

MarshaBrady · 25/09/2009 15:14

It may be the parents have asked the nanny to do the homework after school regardless, so it is out of the way for when they get home...

LilianGish · 25/09/2009 15:22

My kids (and many of their friends) are so used to doing homework as soon as they get in to get it out of the way they would probably do that anyway without the nanny insisting. Personally I think it's a good habit to get into and to be honest at the age of seven how long does in actually take? I'm sure they had lots of time for playing afterwards

seeker · 25/09/2009 15:26

When my children have friends round I always ask if they've got homework, and strongly encourage them to get it done. It never crossed my mind that this would upset anyone - I assumed the other child's parents would be delighted that they didn't have to so it when they got home!

Yet another thing I don't understand!

diddl · 25/09/2009 16:03

I think it also depends on what time the "playdate" was ending, and wha telse needs doing after then.

Original poster
Helloall · 27/09/2009 15:41

Thanks for all your advice - I don't think that another parent should ask a child to do their homework on a playdate. Not at aged 7. And not without agreement from the parents.

Surely it's fine maybe if they are older and agree. But if he goes on a playdate that's what I expect. For him to play. call me old fashioned. When kids come here that's all I want them to do..

Anyway, I have decided to say nothing to my friend for fear of offending but next time he goes there on a play date I will don my MI5 outfit, intercept at school and take his school bags home with me and liberate him - so he can have fun.

OP posts:
CaptainUnderpants · 27/09/2009 15:52

But he can have fun with you now , as his home work is out of the way !

I can't imagne that the home work too all the of the play date up - 20 mins max - best of both worlds.

I really dont see it as a problem .

LynetteScavo · 27/09/2009 15:53

Sounds like the nanny is under presuer to get things done before she finishes for the day.

It's part of her job to get her charge to do his homework, and she was getting on with her job.

However, I would be bloody livid if anyone else did my child's home work with them, whether they ejoyed it or not. [control freak mummy emoticon]

3littlefrogs · 27/09/2009 15:58

Were you planning for him to do the homework when he got home after the playdate?

Mine would have been too tired TBH. I would have been grateful that the nanny got it out of the way.

3littlefrogs · 27/09/2009 15:59

Surely it was only about 10 minutes'worth if they are only 7?

tootiredtothink · 27/09/2009 16:18

Think you're being a tad precious here. What harm has it caused?

You've already stated your ds enjoys doing his homework. Would you rather him having to sit quietly, on his own, while his friend got on with his?

I wouldn't do it personally as I am a lazy bugger but I would have no problem anyone doing this with my dcs - in fact I'd be tempted to send any extra homework along with them .

maryz · 27/09/2009 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maryz · 27/09/2009 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 27/09/2009 16:24

Still think I would be livid if someone dictated to me what I could and could not do on a playdate at all, providing the child in my care during that time seemed happy. Who knows, perhaps they were making it fun for them both.
The only thing I hate is when the TV is turned on immediately. Would only resort if they were both grumpy. Agree that 'playdates' (yuk) are for playing but still wouldn't mention hatred of TV to another mum. It would be bloody insulting.
Agree with your method of taking away homework first. (but still think that is a little precious)

3littlefrogs · 27/09/2009 16:48

I would be thrilled if mine came home having done their homework, been fed and had a play. In fact if they had been bathed and changed into their PJs I would be ecstatic

QuintessentialShadow · 27/09/2009 16:53

I dont think you can dictate how a playdate at somebody elses house is done, unless anybody has been in danger.

If you mention this to the mum, you only risk that your dc is not invited there on a playdate again. This is clearly how they do things, as it fits them. If you accept a playdate at their house, you will also have to accept that homework is done, as this suits their schedule.

pointydoug · 27/09/2009 16:53

Did your son mind doing his homework? Some kids would quite enjoy doing homework with a pal - the novelty of it.

If your son didn't m ind, what's the big deal.