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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my son is a spoilt brat

80 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 09:58

He is 11 Monday he went to the climbing wall .yesterday he went rollerskating and then the football match last night.
He has 4 younger sisters today we are going to an indoors picnic for two hours .
I understand it might be boring for him but is there really any need for him to be so selfish refuse to get dressed ,make rude signs at me and basically moan for two hours .
He wants to stay here alone not happening I have told him he can take his book or ds and just sit on a chair somewhere but no we are cruel making him go.

There is no one to leave him with and two of his friends will be there who are in his class so it is not like I am taking him off to a toddler group {angry].

OP posts:

BoffinMum · 18/02/2009 10:03

Sounds a bit spoilt, but totally normal for the age group, but clearly deeply annoying. You have my sympathy. My DD was like this despite my best efforts.

I'd be tempted to do a grid for the wall and mark out an activity each day that is suitable for him, and then schedule in the stuff for the younger kids on that as well. Then you can point at the grid and remind him you have done something DS orientated each day and it is simply turn taking.

However he will still probably grump, but you will have the moral high ground.

May the force be with you, my friend.

NorthernLurker · 18/02/2009 10:08

I would say that yes I am cruel, good to have cleared that up NOW GET IN THE CAR!

BoffinMum · 18/02/2009 10:10

LOL NorthernLurker.

My very similar stock phrase is "I don't care if you hate me. I am not here to be liked. I am here to bring you up properly. NOW GET IN THE CAR!"

compo · 18/02/2009 10:11

it's so annoying isn't it? and when he's there he'll have a great time with his mates!

hereidrawtheline · 18/02/2009 10:12

NL - I am trying to memorise that sentence for when DS gets a little older. Do you offer a tattooing service?

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 10:17

Thankyou all for confirming my worst fears .

I don't know why he does it because he never gets away with it he is just determined to get his own way but the poor love hardly ever does .

You would think right now he is on his way to have a tooth pulled >>>>>>>>CWWM wonders if she should get her revenge by pulling out his favourite old teddy bear and handing it to him when we arrive for teddy bears picnic mwahahahahahahaha!

OP posts:

jeminthecity · 18/02/2009 10:17

My DS is same age and exhibits similar behaviour. He often has'baby' tantrums when he doesn't get his own way, which is often, but being the size of a 14 year old with the added joy of swearing, and often the random sprinkling of agressive acts.

It does sound like annoyingly normal, but my sympathies are with you.

Good one boffinmum- will have to remember that one. Yours too Northern.

NorthernLurker · 18/02/2009 10:17

Sadly no - just take whatever hideous accusation they throw at you, embrace it with a cheery grin and then add NOW GET IN THE CAR at the end. Of course this doesn't actually help you resolve the conflict......but it makes me feel better

Gorionine · 18/02/2009 10:18

Well, DS2 is only 8 but I have already used NL method several times in the past!

smartiejake · 18/02/2009 10:23

Love that one Boffinmum

RubyRioja · 18/02/2009 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jeminthecity · 18/02/2009 10:40

Oh yes making my ds do his homework is a mare. It only takes around 10 mins anYway, or it would if he didn't spend half an hour moaning about it and half an hour stomping round the house in protest....all because WE ARE SO STRICT and all he wants is to have NORMAL PARENTS ha ha ha

ChampagneDahling · 18/02/2009 10:43

I'm with Boffinmum

vess · 18/02/2009 10:43

My ds (8y.o.) always moans when we're about to go on a family day out, and never wants to go. Once we're there, he actually enjoys it. The trick is to just ignore the moaning (hard, I know) and make him go anyway.

DisasterArea · 18/02/2009 10:56

DD2 is deep in project work. my fault.
DD2 is slumped into a teenage stupor and has just sworn at me for suggesting she might like to hoover while i MN do some work of my own.

Khara · 18/02/2009 11:13

My ds (10.5) did his level best to spoil our day out to Chester Zoo on Monday. It was his four-year old sister's birthday treat and not the sort of thing we do often because of the expense. He didn't moan much before we went but as soon as we got in there was a sign that the monorail wasn't running. As this was apparently the only thing he had wanted to do there he decided to have a major tantrum (because obviously it was all my fault!) This set the tone for the day - with constant grumbling, pushing & shoving his brother and sister, yelling at us to "hurry up" whenever we dared to stop and look at an animal, treading on my toes and eventually thumping me when I was trying to ignore him. Then he wonders why he ends up banned from the computer for the rest of the holiday! (I'm an evil parent apparently who delights in punishing him when he's done nothing wrong!)

Oh & the homework thing. It is a constant battle. He's in Y6 so has SATs in May and, of course, the school are sending home constant revision. They are also helpfully suggesting other stuff we as parents should be doing to help prepare them. You must be joking - it would be like WW3 if I tried to impose anything extra on him.

At least it's some comfort to know this "attitude" thing seems to be fairly wide-spread amongst his age group.

cory · 18/02/2009 11:17

Why can't he just stay at home and read his book if all you are doing is a 2 hour picnic and he is 11 year old? (genuine question, I wouldn't want to drag a whinger around- as I have had occasion to point out to my own dcs recently). I'd have thought 11 is plenty old enough to spend two hours safely at home. Or do you not trust him?

cory · 18/02/2009 11:18

About the homework, I am lucky to have a school with a firm attitude; even my 8yo finds it perfectly easy to remember to get organised, since failure to complete homework means automatic detention. Perhaps you could suggest it to the school.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 18/02/2009 11:20

it is a difficult age / stage... i try very hard to keep lines of communication open with my ds1 (11.5) as am v conscious that "just do it because i say so" isnt really going to do the trick in a couple of years time.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 18/02/2009 11:26

oh, and homework is totally non negotiable. it's their homework, tell them to get on with it. dont get over involved.... ask them when they come home what they've got, how long it will take, when they are going to start... tell them when it's that time and check they've done it. job done. i've been known to write notes to primary school "dear miss x, ds has not done his maths homework as he says he was too tired / it was too hard / it was too boring / he couldnt be bothered... yours sincerely ds's mum". they dont do that too often!

why shouldnt your ds do work to do well in sats?? dont you think it's your job to help him make the connection between effort and success??

BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 11:26

Personally I favour a subtle combination of humour, guilt and violence for stroppy boys of this age group: I would take him by surprise with my best loon face, wrestle him onto the couch and wail "I gave up drink and drugs for nine months for you, you snivelling wretch!" while I bang his head off the cushions, and "this is just how we do things in this family...fun is ^compulsory" until he is forced to relent. Worked for my dss anyway (he likes to point out the flaws in my logic)- make em laugh, and they are like putty in your hands, my friend!

BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 11:27

Oh, and rope one of the younger ones in to fart in his face for good measure. I'm serious- works a treat!

cory · 18/02/2009 11:30

Actually, as I pointed out to my own dd in Year 6, they have no particular interest in doing well in their SATS. Unlike GCSEs, these have no influence on their later career. It's entirely for the benefit ofthe school. I didn't mind at all when dd fell ill in SATS week and would have been happy for her to miss the whole experience. But the school minded and sent round a TA to sit by her bedside and take the exam down to dictation.

But of course establising good working habits is very valuable.

cory · 18/02/2009 11:30

Like BitOfFun's approach.

tatt · 18/02/2009 11:37

He is a spolit brat - just like mine and many others .

I am trying to give mine more say in what they do as control is a big thing for growing children. But I also try to run the "actions have consequences" line. So if a child won't co-operate there are things they don't get, like outings.

Could you try to negotiate with him more? He has to go out without complaint if he wants to go the football match next week/ use the computer/ stay up later?

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