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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son is a spoilt brat

80 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 09:58

He is 11 Monday he went to the climbing wall .yesterday he went rollerskating and then the football match last night.
He has 4 younger sisters today we are going to an indoors picnic for two hours .
I understand it might be boring for him but is there really any need for him to be so selfish refuse to get dressed ,make rude signs at me and basically moan for two hours .
He wants to stay here alone not happening I have told him he can take his book or ds and just sit on a chair somewhere but no we are cruel making him go.

There is no one to leave him with and two of his friends will be there who are in his class so it is not like I am taking him off to a toddler group {angry].

OP posts:
ellabella4ever · 18/02/2009 11:46

I'm with Cory - why can't an 11 year old stay at home for two hours and chill out with a book?

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 11:55

'My very similar stock phrase is "I don't care if you hate me. I am not here to be liked. I am here to bring you up properly. NOW GET IN THE CAR!" '

I like this one and have a very similar saying ending in "you will thank me one day"!

If he is 11 I would be inclined to leave him at home, as long as you are contactable by mobile phone. You then have the bargaining power in future that 'if you want to be treated in a more adult way you have to act in a more adult way'.

Poledra · 18/02/2009 12:02

I have a 5 yo DD for whom my stock phrase is 'Of course I'm bossy/mean/whatever accusation it is this time, I have to be, I'm a mum, that's my job. Now do .'

It does backfire sometimes, when she asks me to, for example, read her a story and I say no. She replies 'You have to, you're a mum, it's your job.'[too smart for her own good emoticon].

Monkeygi · 18/02/2009 12:09

"Yes, I am the meanest mother in the world."
I've been known to use this in supermarkets, on the street-anywhere really. It used to make him laugh but at 13 it just causes eye-rolling and "wha'everrrrrr".

Thankfully I can now leave him at home at times like this.

OrmIrian · 18/02/2009 12:14

We have exactly this problem with 12 yr old DS. And to a lesser extent with 9yr old DD. Not at all fair on DS#2 who would still happily go to the opening of an envelope as long as mum and dad were there too.

DS#1 we will leave along for a short period, but often he clears off to a friend's house (frequently reciprocated). DD is more of a problem as she is too young to be left and doesn't have the same sort of friends as DS.

bellavita · 18/02/2009 12:17

We have just come back from the cinema.

DS1 - 11.8 doesn't want to stand in the queue with me (you pay for tickets at the same place you get the drinks, popcorn etc) but I wanted him to stand there so he could choose what he wanted - did say to him if he wanted to stand somewhere else, then he would not get a drink etc. He then proceeds to say he is not going to sit with DS2 and myself when we go in. Err hello, if you want to share the popcorn matey, you will be doing.

Tomorrow we are going to the Farmers Cart with some friends - lots to do, but he reckons it is "too educational" for him in the holidays so he ain't going!

Oh and homework - don't get me started on that one.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 18/02/2009 12:27

lol - same here with DS1 - 11 last week. Feeling better now not to have the only spolit rat in town.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 18/02/2009 12:28

sorry 'spoilt brat'

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 18/02/2009 12:29

and also likes to sit apart from the rest of us

BoffinMum · 18/02/2009 13:06

Of course I was never lippy to my mum. Ever.

She came over to look after me for a couple of days last week as I am housebound with SPD and can't do much for myself, and I found myself begging to move back home, as I have had enough of being a grown up and I want my dinners cooking for me and my washing done.

We both had to laugh.

bellavita · 18/02/2009 13:12

CWWM - DS1 does stay at home by himself for a couple of hours.

He is not allowed to go out and he does understand this and I say to him that I will be ringing to make sure he is ok.

I would never let him get his own lunch though, I have always made a sandwhich up for him and clingwrap it just so there are no accidents with knives etc although it is not often he is left over the lunch period.

Stayingsunnygirl · 18/02/2009 13:48

What I don't understand is why my 11-year-old ds3 thinks that getting stroppy and arguing with me is going to get him what he wants!! It never has in the past, and yet each time, he has another go.

Oh - and I am the nastiest mother in the world. My favourite saying is, 'Whatever gave you the impression that this family is a democracy? It's a dictatorship!!'

Monkeygi · 18/02/2009 13:59

Stayingsunnygirl- we also use the dictatorship line. I don't undersatnd the arguing/strop thing either. I keep explaining to ds1 that if he wants anythign it's far better to be NICE to those who are in a position to give it to you. He doesn't get it though.
But I keep trying. Like Chinese water torture- drip, drip, drip. One day it'll get through.

purpleduck · 18/02/2009 14:18

I am SO much more of a bag than you lot are. I would be sorely tempted to ban outings for a child who had been on lots of activities, but then tried to ruin his sisters day.

But, my oldest is 9, so maybe all will change when he is 11...?
Have you discussed how much all this costs/ the effort it takes? And maybe how many other things you would be happy to do?

purpleduck · 18/02/2009 14:19

I am SO much more of a bag than you lot are. I would be sorely tempted to ban outings for a child who had been on lots of activities, but then tried to ruin his sisters day.

But, my oldest is 9, so maybe all will change when he is 11...?
Have you discussed how much all this costs/ the effort it takes? And maybe how many other things you would be happy to do?

Katiestar · 18/02/2009 14:23

Somebody (Judge Dredd ?)used to say s
'there's no justice here ,only me '
that's what i tell mine

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 14:26

Hello am back and ds had a great time the leader opened up the big hall and all the big children went in and played football and generally messed around.

I would have considered leaving him alone if he hadn't been so nasty this morning if he had said "could I just stay here instead of coming " then fine instead I got "I'm not bloody coming its for babies I hate you all you can't make me your just evil"
When I pointed out that for the past two days everything had been to his liking I got "so what don't care " and he stuck two fingers up at me but the silly sod forgot I could see his reflection in the mirror .

Anyway all is calm again ,thanks for all replies .

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 14:29

Bloody hell, I'd have farted in his face myself for the two-fingered salute!

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 14:32

I may try it BOF .

OP posts:
Poledra · 18/02/2009 15:10

Oh, Katiestar DH uses the other Judge Dredd line 'I am the Law!' to the DDs.

screamingabdab · 18/02/2009 18:49

Thankyou, thankyou. Laughed until a bit of wee came out at your suggestions. DS 1(8) driving me a bit mad with his elaborate ranting tantrums when asked to do anything, especially WRITING (what is it FOR, for God's sake???). Yesterday he told me that I expect him to be PERFECT, and he is not perfect, just normal. Also, quite astutely said I worry too much, and that he is going to turn out a good boy, and that when I worry I get angry (he's so right, I do worry that if he presses my buttons like this at 8, what will he be like at 13?).
This is my first post, and I feel that it will not be the last on this subject.

screamingabdab · 18/02/2009 19:35

@CWWM.
"If he had just said could I just stay here instead of coming.."

It just doesn't occur to them to think about the impact of how they say something, does it? I guess we have to spell out to them every time how they could have phrased it differently to get the desired result.
Do you think boys need it spelled out more than girls do? (I've got 2 boys, so I don't know)

cory · 18/02/2009 21:37

NO girls are the same. And I do sometimes (when abnormally calm and rational) take the trouble to spell this out to dd. As in: "just wait a minute, did that sound like something that was going to make me change my mind? Do you want to go back in time a few minutes and start again?" And quite often she does then see the error of her ways and starts again.

screamingabdab · 18/02/2009 22:07

You're right, cory.
It really feels that we are just entering a new phase of him wanting to be more inedependent, and i'll just have to re-evaluate how I talk to him to get what I want! (tidy room once a week for instance)

samsaysohboy · 18/02/2009 22:47

The way he behaved you should have let him be bored at home and regret it later I think...
In a 'you can have your way, but doesn't mean I agree with it' fashion.

I am also surpried at not letting an eleven year old use a knife, don't they have shop and domestics at school by then anyway, and need to learn to enjoy cooking?

Also I would leave a nine year old for quite a few hours, with a phone.. but maybe I'm old-fashioned