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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son is a spoilt brat

80 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 18/02/2009 09:58

He is 11 Monday he went to the climbing wall .yesterday he went rollerskating and then the football match last night.
He has 4 younger sisters today we are going to an indoors picnic for two hours .
I understand it might be boring for him but is there really any need for him to be so selfish refuse to get dressed ,make rude signs at me and basically moan for two hours .
He wants to stay here alone not happening I have told him he can take his book or ds and just sit on a chair somewhere but no we are cruel making him go.

There is no one to leave him with and two of his friends will be there who are in his class so it is not like I am taking him off to a toddler group {angry].

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2009 23:06

I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
ds1 is 10 1/2 and anyone of you could have been describing him!!!!!!!!!

so glad I am not alone YIPPEEEEEEEEEE HE IS NORMAL AFTER ALL.........
unlocks the cage i locked him in

chipmonkey · 18/02/2009 23:33

evenstar, I have to laugh ( not at you but with you!) I think I remember your first post here and thinking your ds sounded fab! And btw, I was nice to you when a lot of others were really being horrible. Because I remember thinking how delightful your ds sounded. And I am somewhat relieved to know that I may actually be an OK parent and my ds's behaviour may just be the way boys that age are and not due to my cluelessness!

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2009 23:37

Chip, he is delightful whilst locked up and I love spending time with him as long as there is no homework to be done, chores for him to do, washing to sort ......."Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmm its not fair you treat me like a slaveeeeeeeeeeee" errrrr i asked you to bring me your washing????

chipmonkey · 18/02/2009 23:42

My ds1 has 3 younger brothers so has to accept that being a slave is his lot in life! He was fab yesterday though. Ds2 was sick, I had to work. Ds1 looked after ds2 all day and brought him toast and flat 7UP all day as prescribed! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2009 23:48

Chip thats the joke he will willingly take ds2's nappies and rinse them ready for te machine????????????? but bring me HIS washing.............

chipmonkey · 19/02/2009 00:01

Ah, he's a good'un underneath the hormones!

solanum · 19/02/2009 02:43

Yes,there are manytimes when children of that age seem completely unloveable.

I am still working out a way to remain calm in the face of verbal abuse and even physical abuse. But I sometimes feel that no one is on my side, especially when the children seem to work together to get at me.

When child is especially horrible I do tend to lose it and respond with like comments, such as,imagine if I did get killed tomorrow,like you just said you want me to, what would you feel then?

screamingabdab · 19/02/2009 10:33

@TLE
DS1 (age 8), says "It's my room, my rules" and "you are just here to make my life miserable" when I ask him to help tidy his room once a week so I can hoover. He also says "How would you like it if I came and tidied YOUR room" at which point he is enraged by my attempts not to laugh.

I help him because at his age I can appreciate he finds the gatrillions of pieces of Lego a bit overwhelming to sort out (mind you, it's me who is trying to keep the different sets together...).

Mmmm, maybe I should just hoover it all up ........

The other day I just shouted at him at the absolute top of my voice (sore throat and everything) "NO, NO, NO, I am not having this again" when he was working up to a whinge. It shocked the life out of him, and I LOVED IT (blush). I know shouting is like the new hitting, but I have to say I have found it (shouting)(in very small doses), to be very useful.

MarmadukeScarlet · 19/02/2009 10:47

Am quite surprised, and perhaps a little niave, at a 11 yr old not making their own lunch.

My 9 yr old DD can make her own lunch/breakfast for the family (she thinks it is a huge treat for her to do it for us ) - her menu is mostly eggs (fried, boiled) or cheese on toast.

I suppose boy are just different?

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/02/2009 13:07

Screamingabdab - ask him who pays the mortgage/rent! In the past I've told our dses that they get a proportion of the vote based on the income they bring into the house, making dh the majority shareholder.

I've also told them that if they don't tidy up their rooms, I'll be doing it with a black bin bag, and anything on the floor or not where it should be, will be fair game for the black bag.

Now, if their rooms get too bad, I tidy up and chuck out loads of stuff - and if they whinge that something was valuable, well it shouldn't have been sculling round on the floor. Generally they will now do a reasonable job of tidying, but it still takes a lot of nagging (me), prevaricating (them) and whingeing (them).

Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 13:25

MarmadukeScarlet- my ds1 used to love making his own breakfast (v burnt toast) when he was first allowed to do it. Now the only way to get him to do it is to lurk in bed until he's done it. (difficult for someone who needs to wee the second she wakes up).

As for room tidying we have a foolproof system.

I tell him to do it.
He pretends he hasn't heard me.
Dh immediately starts fuming.
I repeat the demand.
Ds rolls eyes.
Dh orders him to respect mother, house, possessions etc etc.
Ds pretends he hasn't heard me OR dh.
Etc....

Room gets tidied some time that day insofar as one square metre of floor is revealed by judicious shoving of clean/dirty clothes in laundry bin.

screamingabdab · 19/02/2009 13:26

@Ssg
Yours sounds like the way to go. How old are your kids?

I am trying to be a mum who listens and tries to understand what's behind some of his beligerence (like the other day he told me about some girls in his class who are basically winding him up and running verbal and logical rings round him. Seems I remind him of them when I start making logical arguments/ being sarcastic - my interpretation).

However, am becoming aware that in desire to not be like my parents, who I think didn't want to hear how I felt about anything, I am in danger of excusing too much of his behaviour.
?Crisis of modern parenting.. maybe a new thread.

BTW. HE thinks I am much stricter than some of the other parents,and I tend to agree, so that doesn't seem to make much sense either.

Basically, muddled at the moment

stealthsquiggle · 19/02/2009 13:35

DS is only 6 and I have already (frequently) used

"Life isn't fair" (to which he retorted 'yes it is' so I said "OK, Life may be fair (I didn't want to shatter that particular illusion) but I'm not")

"This family is not a democracy"

I am going to need some more of these by the time he is 11, aren't I [sigh]? I like the Judge Dredd ones

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/02/2009 13:39

Stealth yes you will need loadsssssssssss lol.

I have taken a bit of advice from another thread on here a while ago. when ds1 kicks off with its not fair i tell him he is doing it wrong and he needs to lay on the floor kick his legs and scream louder itttttttsssssssss nooooootttttttt fairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/02/2009 13:42

Screamingabdab - mine are 11, 13 and 15. Currently ds2 and ds3 have relatively tidy rooms, and ds1's room looks like a bomb's dropped. Well - two out of three's not bad.

screamingabdab · 19/02/2009 13:49

Hmm, Am beginning to wonder if DC 1's are more rebellious in this respect. Subsequent children see the hassle the older ones create and have the sense to just tow the line.

I am a second child and remember thinking why didn't my older brother just do what my mum wanted?

screamingabdab · 19/02/2009 13:52

@The LadyEvenstar.
Good, will try that, in fact probably in next few minutes as a row is brewing ..BRING IT ON!

Grammaticus · 19/02/2009 13:58

No - not here - DS2 is worse than DS1

HSMM · 19/02/2009 14:13

My 9 year old spoilt brat DD gets privalages removed for bad behaviour. However ... the other day she was being soooo horrible, I invited a friend round for her, just to get her out of my hair. Bad example of parenting yet again!

screamingabdab · 19/02/2009 14:21

HSMM
Ah, not necessarily. Did she ASK to have the friend round. If not, then I think we can just call it a case of you understanding she was bored, rather than it being a case of her being rewarded for her bad behaviour

screamingabdab · 13/07/2009 15:55

I have lurked for a while without posting, because I wanted time to process what I find annoying about this article, beyond my initial (prejudiced) reaction that the woman is a a bit of a funny who has saddled her DDs with terribly pretentious names.

What it boils down to is this : she gives the entirely (IMO) illusory impression that all the things that went right during this birth were entirely down to everything that she and her partner did, rather than because of her being very lucky.

By extension, the fact that this type of breathing, or this kind of chanting, or having candles, worked, can serve to imply that if you do not do any of these things, and your birth doesn't go to plan (you end up with an emergency CS, for instance), then it was because you didn't do the right things.

IYSWIM

OrmIrian · 13/07/2009 15:59

Not spoilt. Just 11. It will pass.

OrmIrian · 13/07/2009 16:01

Eh?

BitOfFun · 13/07/2009 16:07

How on earth did you manage that?

OrmIrian · 13/07/2009 16:08

I blame abdab!

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