16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing

[inthisdayandage27]

Name change as I'm absolutely shocked actually.

My 16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing over dinner tonight was "Well, most women lie about it, don't they?"

I said "You can't seriously think that can you?"

He replies "Well you think that about men" (Which made little sense, but..)

We sort of left it like that because I was dumbstruck that he could think that.

Now, I have a slightly younger son who I hope will have absorbed some respect of women from me (and I sure will be having a chat with him) but more worrying I have a 12 year old daughter too. The step kids (both boys) are here half the time.

I'm honestly not sure how to go about this as I am hands off parenting with step kids (thinking they had sensible parents although I do worry my partner isn't as liberal as I am with his thinking).

I think having a chat to his mum would be over stepping the mark but I feel I can't leave this.

Presuming you have (like most women) face sexual assault at some point your life, tell him about it in detail. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him how that feeling still lives within you now, at the age you are. Look him dead in the eye and ask him if he wants to accuse you of lying.

You're living with the misogynist who raised him, so maybe start there?

Your DSS is acquiring his attitude from somewhere, be it social media, school, father. There's a daft but much-followed conspiracy theory that Brand was imprisoned because he's the new Messiah and the establishment is after him. There's an Andrew Tate type tidal wave of misogyny out there. And young men and boys are imbibing it.

Time to gather ALL the evidence available about Brand, his own disgusting self tells in his performances, radio broadcasts, his apology emails to women he raped and assaulted, his history of demeaning and dehumanising women...

also, the Channel 4 documentary (or was it ITV?) from 2023, the accompanying article by reputable journalists... point out that the accusers on the documentary/ article are NOT the same women who took him to court...

also tell your DSS about the evidence, on top of accuser testimony, at the trial from the accusers eg in the successful rape case, the accuser went with her father contemporaneously to either police or hospital or both ie the case was recorded at the time.

And tell your DSS that two further rape accusations against Brand are in the pipeline.

Cite the statistics on percentages of rapes reported, charged, convicted, sentenced to serious time (all abysmal); tell him the percentage of false accusations (estimated at 2 -10% apparently).

Have a family discussion with your DSS's father involved and taking the lead. Talk about consent as the founding principle. Explain to him that no matter a woman’s clothes or flirtatious behaviour, consent is always required. Nip your DSS's casual misogyny in the bud or it will further infect his attitudes to women and girls.

DeathNote11
You're living with the misogynist who raised him, so maybe start there?
Bit of an assumption- I believe YouTube , TikTok, tv and music (especially rap) does this, I don’t think you can assume something like this comes from the parent. Conversely I do think as women we’re deluded as I’d say most men are on the fence about these cases and think it could be a set up, in the same way I’ll always jump to believing the woman if I’m honest

The phrase 'well, most teenage boys lie about it don't they?' would become very well used in my house for the next few weeks.

What do you mean put her straight, so basically you’ve just dismissed what she had happen to her

His father needs to deal with it.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2not remotely that. I asked her to elaborate on what she meant, to clarify what had happened to her, asked her if she’d actually read anything about the court case and the things that the victims had said and what he was actually found guilty of and we discussed the difference which was phenomenal as she then realised.

Show him the Judge's description of the anal rape and ask him if he really thinks that is ok? If he is going to spout opinions about this, he needs to be aware of the facts so he is aware of what he is siding with. People were like this about Jimmy Savile and it was pretty embarrassing for them.

You’re right to be concerned and disgusted by your stepson’s reaction to this. However, instead of talking to his mother about it you should talk to his father, who is presumably in his life and yours and he should deal with it. For 2 reason: he is the boy’s father and it’s his responsibility, and it’s the responsibility of all men to call out these attitudes and behaviours of other men and boys whenever they see it. It can’t always be our responsibility as women like everything else seems to be . If your partner isn’t likely to do that then you have a far bigger problem than your stepson tbh.

You write like you think women lie about being raped most of the time.

On balance you think the woman is telling the truth?

A court, Judge and jury heard all the evidence and there was no doubt she was telling the truth.

Imagine being brave enough to put yourself through everything that woman and the rest of them did to bring that man to justice, actually managing to obtain a conviction (given how pitifully small conviction rates are) and STILL being accused of being a liar.

No wonder women don't report rape with views like yours.

Not nice but no need to ltb as some on here are suggesting!

I'm not sure this one falls under the remit of all women lie etc.

This has been tested in court who would want to put themselves through it...I would arm myself with all the counter arguments and next time gently in a non confrontational way gently take him through asking questions ...it's a wider service to society to anyones daughters ...

Was his dad there at the time, if so, what did he say about his son's comment? His dad needs to be speaking with him, and having the conversation with his mother also

This is ridiculous.
My post is balanced and considerate.

Your reading comprehension of it is off.

On balance simply means that I've weighed it up in my own mind and thought this woman is telling the truth as any intelligent person will do. It's considering the evidence.

I'm not responsible for any woman not reporting rape so you can feck right off with that accusation. Bloody cheek.

No you wrote a lot of stuff about how "you're not saying" she lied "she convinced" a jury she's not lying and "on balance" you believe her BUT...

You think women lie about being raped.

It's screaming out of the words you wrote.

Your post is ridiculous. It really is.

For some reason your comprehension is off. Too early? No coffee yet?

You sound like one of those people who upon a woman says she's been raped would instantly lock the guy up, no trial, nothing.

That's not how it works.

And yes there ARE a very small number of women who lie. A very small number.

I'm not going to deny this to bow down to your bullying tone.

THAT'S why we have juries.

How do you weigh it up in your own mind? The trial was not broadcast live so very little has been revealed to the public? It was four weeks long and lasted approximately 5 hours a day, that’s 100 hours in total,, only a fraction, a tiny tiny fraction of that has been published.

as much as I applaud you promoting yourself to decide, I simply don’t see how it’s feasible?

A jury with EIGHT men on it.

16 year old pushing boundaries/ your buttons.

use it as a opportunity to encourage enthusiastic consent

Your first reaction is 1) to go on Mumsnet, 2) then go to the boy's mother - obviously nothing wrong with using Mumsnet as a sounding board. But you haven't even spoken with your DH and the boy's father. And if you think the boy's attitude has been 'inherited' from his father, rather than toxic social media, the that raises a different raft of issues

You really think Brand is that influential on British politics someone has fabricated a rape conviction to “get rid of him”?

what’s the point? Why are our Tommeh, Lawrence fox, Farage and the rest of them still out there? Surely they’re more of a threat than some shitty comedian who’s gone all Trumpy.

do you also think the historic claims against glitter, Harris et al are also fabricated to “get rid of them”?

And you're one of those who thinks women lie about being raped.

Are you a man?

OP your very first reaction was to blame his mum and not even put the dad in the mix. You will be modelling this mindset to your step son in so many many ways -

what does your household look like? Housework/ mental load / finances etc- the best thing you can do for stepson is show him an equal relationship with your partner.

when i am involved in any situations like this i reverse the sexes in my head to examine for bias as they are everywhere and deeply entrenched in society.

Ask your stepson whether he would come forward easily to tell the world that he had been raped by a well known man who potentially can destroy his career or would he suck it up and accept it in order to move on with life in general. Maybe if he considers it from the other perspective he'd be more empathetic.

As Jimmy Carr said - Russell Brands understanding of sex and consent is going to change vastly over the coming weeks....