16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing

[inthisdayandage27]

Name change as I'm absolutely shocked actually.

My 16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing over dinner tonight was "Well, most women lie about it, don't they?"

I said "You can't seriously think that can you?"

He replies "Well you think that about men" (Which made little sense, but..)

We sort of left it like that because I was dumbstruck that he could think that.

Now, I have a slightly younger son who I hope will have absorbed some respect of women from me (and I sure will be having a chat with him) but more worrying I have a 12 year old daughter too. The step kids (both boys) are here half the time.

I'm honestly not sure how to go about this as I am hands off parenting with step kids (thinking they had sensible parents although I do worry my partner isn't as liberal as I am with his thinking).

I think having a chat to his mum would be over stepping the mark but I feel I can't leave this.

It's not as bad as the absolute shite my 28 year old stepson came out with (you know, how he's been stitched up and all that shit)

I can't understand why you are thinking about speaking to their mother rather than their father who presumably lives in your house.

don't put the responsibility of this onto a woman.

Make his father make it very clear that kind of talk is vile, disgusting and not to be repeated. Ever.

I think his dad needs to sit down with him and have a serious conversation, find out why he thinks that way and challenge the views.

Oh, I would just leave it. You could say, that he has been found guilty by a court of law,by Judge and jury.

You can talk to him about it can't you? Doesn't have to be parenting. Could be asking him questions. Could be to make him challenge his own thoughts. I think that's appropriate - he's a young man in your care.

Talk to his dad about it
did your kids hear?

i would direct him to @lalalaletmeexplaininsta and threads she’s also doing a podcast tomorrow on it that I’d be tempted to play next time I give him a lift in the car while he is trapped

“I do worry my partner isn’t as liberal as I am with his thinking”

The problem is sitting right there on your sofa OP! Take it up with him, don’t shove the responsibility onto another woman.

Maybe speak to their dad who I assume is their parent who you live with? Jeez

Take it up with his Dad, not his Mum!

This sounds really difficult. Statistically a male is more likely to be raped themselves than have a false accusation of rape made against him.

I would go gently and chat about why he thinks that. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I guess being accused of a rape you haven’t committed must be a terrifying thought as a young man but hopefully he can be reassured by the statistics that it very rarely happens that way. That’s the way I’d play it!

Why didn't you say, 'no, they don't mostly lie and there's plenty of stats to back that up?', and have a discussion with him? Instead of immediately shutting him down.

He's a teenager- it's normal.to push boundaries and ask questions of older adults, it's how they learn. He's also at an age where both girls and boys will have raging hormones and be both intensely curious and probably quite scared of their emerging sexuality.

Definitely mention to your partner and see if he can bring it up again in a normal way, challenge any inappropriate views and reassure him of his appropriate ones.

Thank you for the instagram link @Unexpectedlysinglemum Had a quick look but will have a proper delve later - in some ways sending a social post might go in better.

To the rest - I agree - I think I have the education of 2 men here, one being my partner - he is very well aware of my feminism so I wonder if he keeps things to himself, although if he does slip I am very quick to put my side across. I do have a niggle with him that he is not as we would want a man's thinking. I was just worried he wouldn't talk to his son to make him see the issue of what he just said! The mum however, I have more hope for, but you are right there are two parents here.

Where was his Dad when this was said?

You need to equip him with some facts about how hard it is for a rape conviction to stick and how hard it is for a woman to report rape.

Also this fucking nonsense that there was no evidence. There was evidence that the women had tried to tell their employers, friends they had spoken to, medical records from when the raid victim went to hospital AND…. Texts from RB offering mealy mouthed apologies for what he had done!

If we are calling it feminist to say a man convicted of rape is a rapist these days, we have fallen behind a long way haven't we.

I’d be having strong words with your partner and if he didn’t see my pov it’d be a dealbreaker. I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t call out his own son’s misogyny immediately. I’m shocked your ss thinks this, my own young adult sons see Brand for what he is and think he’s repugnant.

A feminist in general

If you honestly don’t think your partner would pull his son up for this kind of talk then he needs to be an ex.

This was my first thought too!

He needs his dad to come down hard on him as to why that attitude is not in any way acceptable and the damaging effect that rape has on women.

Voted unreasonable as surely you need a convo with his father aka your partner 🙄

It's weird you didnt say anything at all in your first post about speaking to his Dad!

Unfortunately it’s the same as a huge proportion of comments I’ve seen about it on social media, mainly by women. So very very scary

I would’ve calmly said “what makes you say that?” And taken it from there. A 16 year old lad who thinks women lie about rape needs to explain his thinking and back that up. What does he know about rape? About a woman’s physiology? About how traumatic it is?

And yes, I’d be definitely being a little bit more ‘robust’ with his actual father, your partner, as to why his children are voicing deeply misogynist and disturbing opinions.

I've had to correct my son once or twice on women "going to court for the money" (not in this case, but previously).

We've followed this case and I've said there were probably 10 more women where CPS didn't press charges and 100 who haven't been to the police.

We watched the sentencing together on tv and I explained how it works.

That's really sensible. A real eye opener for the need to do this.