Poking holes in condoms!

[condomgate]

Just to make it absolutely clear, this isn’t about DH and I.

My friend is 3 months pregnant, her husband is in shock because they were using condoms every time and not one split.

She’s just admitted to me that she used a pin to poke holes in them. Now call me naive but one, I thought that a tiny pin hole would not be able to get somebody pregnant and also I think this is a crime? I’m disgusted with her and I did tell her that.

Regular poster, name changed.

DH and I are good friends with her and her DH and I just don’t feel okay about this. I feel like she’s done something so wrong that I want to avoid them for as long as possible.

Meh.

Do they have kids? What’s the situation?

Don’t blame her if he’s strung her along for years or similar

Surely they would be much more likely to split if they had holes poked in. And unless it was a huge great hole, very unlikely to get pregnant.

What’s the context here? They’ve got five kids already and she doesn’t want to get a job, or he’s been stringing her along for a decade saying it’s not the right time?

On the face of it she’s in the wrong… But the context matters.

If this is real, I can’t see why he is in shock given condoms are the least effective form of contraception bar crossing your fingers.

What size do you think sperms are?

Meh

Bloody hell. Really? What if he whipped the condom off at the last minute and she didn’t notice and got pregnant against her wishes? Or doesn’t that matter because ‘it’s not the same’?

Don’t blame her if he’s strung her along for years or similar

Thats just a guess at this point.

Men don’t get pregnant, it’s not the same.

And that’s why I asked the context.

Unbelievable.

I’m assuming your reply would be exactly the same if the sexes were reversed and a man had engineered his wife’s pregnancy in this way but - just for avoidance of any doubt - in both cases it’s a horrible violation of the other person.

I’m with you, OP; I’d struggle to spend any time with them knowing what she’s done.

It is disgusting to deliberately sabotage contraception to force a man to unwillingly father a child. That is a life she is bringing into the world. It reflects badly on all women and reinforces negative stereotypes.

Yes you can get pregnant. It's called stealthing. It's illegal in some countries.

Just going to put this here: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/crime/stealthing-germany-woman-jailed-condoms-b2073579.html

It's reprehensible behaviour.

You could say its sex by deception. Doesnt matter if he has been stringing her along... he didnt consent to unprotected sex.

Disgusting behaviour.

@condomgate are you going to tell him?

I don’t think the comparisons to a man doing it are relevant as I don’t think that’s the same at all.

However there is no context in which I think this is ok. Deliberately getting pregnant with a child who will have a father who didn’t want them is horrendous. Plus all the obvious issues around how this relationship is clearly not a great one if this is what it’s come to.

Peak MN reply, wasn't it? 🙄

If you don’t want kids, and you’re married to a woman who does, you need to have a vasectomy.

Thats despicable behaviour. I’d lose all respect for her.

Outrageous responses on here just dismissing this behaviour as somehow acceptable. Consent is required, how is that not obvious?

Some of the comments!! 🤯

& of course sperm can get through a pin hole 🙈

Extremely wrong behaviour!!!

If this is true, Imagine this woman, removing condoms from a packet piercing with holes and putting back in, to look unused? Oh - we can't because it's BS.

Tadpoles

You don’t have to remove it from the packet?!

😆Baby, tadpoles?

Friend's DS split up with his gf partly because she wanted children and he didn't. They continued as FWB, and of course she became pregnant (and very happy). He took legal advice on his situation which confirmed he'd been tricked but legally he is financially responsible until the child is 18 (and he's paying his due).
I agree OP - it's a shitty thing for either a man or a woman to do in any circumstances frankly.

It doesn’t say that she told him she does.

And a mutually agreed upon form of contraception that is not deliberately sabotaged is fine.