Poking holes in condoms!

[condomgate]

Just to make it absolutely clear, this isn’t about DH and I.

My friend is 3 months pregnant, her husband is in shock because they were using condoms every time and not one split.

She’s just admitted to me that she used a pin to poke holes in them. Now call me naive but one, I thought that a tiny pin hole would not be able to get somebody pregnant and also I think this is a crime? I’m disgusted with her and I did tell her that.

Regular poster, name changed.

DH and I are good friends with her and her DH and I just don’t feel okay about this. I feel like she’s done something so wrong that I want to avoid them for as long as possible.

I disagree. Stringing a woman along for years while her fertility dwindles and his stays the same (often only to leave her for a younger model and have kids later), is so deeply shitty I couldn’t care less if she pokes a hole in a condom after 6 years of ‘maybe next year’

A gamble that he was with a psycho?

You're meant to be able to trust your partner.

Then the same must apply to women.

Sure. But I’ll never think the reasonable response to a man who doesn’t do that is to poke holes in condoms.

He doesn’t have to be a great guy for me to think that what she did is awful.

Do you really actually believe that? That recreational sex is simply not a thing, and that anyone who doesn't want a child should not be having sex?

How could legal advice confirm he’d been tricked? Contraception fails. I don’t think there’s any way to prove this apart from finding the packet with a hole in it, or the woman admitting it.

How many men examine condoms for pinprick holes before sex?

Can you imagine it… “Wait a minute, love. Before we go any further, I just need to turn the light on and inspect the condom for tiny holes… I’ll roll it out and blow it up first, and see if I can hear any hissing… If not, I’ll roll it back up and put it on. Would you like the light left on or off once I’ve done this?”

No they don’t get pregnant, but it still results in a child for them both.

it’s funny how it’s joint responsibility/impact only when it suits isn’t it.

I would not say anything .TBH its a different situation to a man doing it.I dont agree with it ,but she told you in confidence .Many women are desperate to be a Mum and take desperate measures !

How big do some people think sperm cells are, they aren’t actually tadpole size. I’ve not used a condom, but if you pricked through it in the centre of that packet the hole would be on the teat bit, so likely less noticable as it isn’t as stretched out as the rest of it.

I hope they had an STI screen recently.

Stringing women along is so cruel and irresponsible that I just don’t care. I know SO many men who have done this. Who now happily have the families they ‘weren’t sure if they wanted’ with a younger woman while his ex is 45 and childless not by choice.

Surely if you are married you respect each others wishes.

OP I would be disgusted too. What was her reaction when you called her out?

If a woman wants children, she should find a man on the same page…. If a man is stringing her along, the answer is for her to leave the man, not deceive him into being a father… that’s both wrong and stupid.

Depends on what Country she lives in.

Childless not by choice my arse.

She chose to stay with a man past her fertile years, rather than give up and leave.

You don’t realise it’s happening until it’s happened.

And meeting a new man isn’t as easy as you flippantly suggest. It can take several years to find a decent one, a few more years of dating… it’s over by then anyway. May as well stick with the man who SAYS he wants them, next year…

Total bollocks. Just like the ‘LTB’ posts where they have zero regard as to the mortgage, kids, responsibilities…. All a simple fairytale to you.

Well it's a pretty bad start for rhe kid , knowing it wasnt wanted by one parent. How ridiculous

This is not about "men" this is about one man who was being responsible by using a condom. And now has been forced to be a father without his consent. It's not his fault what rapists do, there's no evidence from what I've read so far that he is a bad man. She is fucking disgusting and I'd struggle not to tell him...I hope OPs husband does! The attitude on here that women are perfect beings who never pull stunts like this never fails to amaze me and I am one! I am struggling to believe this though. There have been a lot of rage bait posts on here lately...

That’s one sick comment, psychopathic even…

Of course recreational sex is a thing. In that scenario each person needs to take responsibility for their contraception and accept that nothing is 100%.

I don’t think sex in a marriage can be considered recreational sex. In a marriage you should be able to discuss it together. Clearly that hasn’t happened but we lack the context from the OP.