Poking holes in condoms!

[condomgate]

Just to make it absolutely clear, this isn’t about DH and I.

My friend is 3 months pregnant, her husband is in shock because they were using condoms every time and not one split.

She’s just admitted to me that she used a pin to poke holes in them. Now call me naive but one, I thought that a tiny pin hole would not be able to get somebody pregnant and also I think this is a crime? I’m disgusted with her and I did tell her that.

Regular poster, name changed.

DH and I are good friends with her and her DH and I just don’t feel okay about this. I feel like she’s done something so wrong that I want to avoid them for as long as possible.

Your friend is unhinged @condomgate

I feel sorry for her husband.

What about the man who promised he’d be a great dad? Promised he’d always support them financially? Then fucks off and cuts them off. Hasn’t he then tricked a woman into starting a family? I think both of these fall into the same category. No where near rape.

1 💯 would tell him what a deceitful wife he’s got

It would be difficult to know whether he intended to abandon his family or whether he thought he would be a good dad and wanted to be the kind of person that would provide, then found it was too much for him. I think people who get married, promising to “forsake all others” then cheat are almost always intending to be faithful when they marry, it just turns out later they were wrong about themselves. These men you speak of are the same imo, most of the time.

What we’re talking about here is a deliberate act of deception to get pregnant knowing the other partner doesn’t want the same thing. We know it was deliberate because she has explicitly said so.

It’s deliberate to choose to forsake your family though? Anyone makes that choice on the spot. It’s usually the man who chooses himself. The second a woman does the same thing, as this case shows, she’s compared to a rapist. Too far in my opinion.

I’ve seen the breakdown of families and it’s usually because a man has walked out. But you will still have women defending them. In this argument, I’ll choose to kind of see where a woman comes from.

It’s not the same situation though? One is abandoning a family and the man in that situation might be called a shit, but he wouldn’t be called a rapist would he? A woman abandoning her family would be judged in that situation too.

This thread is about people deliberately sabotaging contraception. Which is a separate thing, and I would say constitutes sex without informed consent whichever of the sexes does it to the other.

"This thread is about people deliberately sabotaging contraception. Which is a separate thing, and I would say constitutes sex without informed consent whichever of the sexes does it to the other."

This.

The previous argument/ analogy you elegantly dismantled was pure whataboutery.

The previous argument/ analogy you elegantly dismantled was pure whataboutery

I have never missed the laughing reaction more! Also Whataboutery is also known as excusing hypocrisy.

There is a distinct difference between a person making a promise/commitment and failing to honour that (ie the flakey parent who walks out on their family - no crime or even intent to deceive) versus a person deliberately sabotaging contraception (illegal, intentional and assault) in order to trick someone into parenthood and a lifelong financial commitment.

No hypocrisy here - applies to both sexes equally.

You need to get a grip. Or step away from the screen.
I have not, in any way, disregarded YOUR lived experience or knowledge of your own lived life.
You may need to read my posts again.

Absolutely, women can be vile and deceptive and manipulative and all the other adjectives you can think of. Of course they can be. Never have I said otherwise.

"Just how the fuck can you get off blaming a man who genuinely thought he had agreed the terms on which he would have a mutual sexual relationship, the basis for his giving consent, for a woman abusing that trust?"

Easy.
By your own words, he did not want children, marriage or even a long term relationship. That looks like a casual shag. The pill had not been available that long, at least not for unmarried women. A man who DOES NOT want those things, to put his trust in a)someone he has no intention of being tied to and b) a new, medical, way of preventing pregnancy, is not the smartest, surely? It's not like he was 'in love' or 'wanting a future' with her, right? He (the man) is responsible for making sure he is protected against unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Not a hard concept and something that really hasn't ever changed 🤷‍♀️

You are clearly scarred by your experiences with your mother. I'm genuinely sorry about that. But, as far as where 'blame' lies, I believe I DO know what I'm talking about. Something lacking way too much today. Personal responsibility.

"You re no better than the people who blame rape victims for wearing short skirts or getting drunk on a night out because ‘if they gave the impression they were up for it’ they were asking for it. Or the person who is physically assaulted by a partner being too rough and strangling or beating them as part of the sex act. NO ONE - male or female - deserves to have their consent taken away"
Posting about one man who didn't want to use a condom has somehow translated into a really vile accusation and I think you need to explain how you reach such a nasty conclusion from it. I have NEVER held such a view or posted in a way that says otherwise. So, please, do explain how you got to that.

I am VERY glad and VERY supportive of laws and procedures that have evolved to protect individuals from sexual assault. You seem to be trying to apply those laws and procedures to a situation they don't belong. ie: YOUR situation. It doesn't apply 🤷‍♀️

Oh, and IF the original post is true, the woman is absolutely worthy of condemnation

I think you are taking this rather personal.