Will I be rude in this situation

[Ulrikakakakaka]

I have had plans to go out with friends to an afternoon 80's party and then to a concert in the evening. I have been looking forward to these two things for months.

I invited another very close friend of mine along. She is very good fun, I love her to bits and she could do with the cheering up that these two things would bring. As she lives near me I will be taking us both and we're staying overnight.
She was initially keen to go to both things, but now says she only wants to go to the concert at night. She's had bad health lately and feels both things will be too much for her.
I have been looking forward to going to the daytime party and meeting up with these friends for months.
As I originally told her my plans were to go to both things am I being rude by telling her that I'm still going and she can relax at the hotel? As much as I sympathise with her being previously ill, I've invited her to join my existing plans and don't see why I should compromise those plans.
It's not about the cost of the ticket I'd be losing out on, it's about treating my friend properly without compromising things I've been looking forward to for ages. I think she might assume I won't go to the day time thing either.
So before I have the discussion with her am I being rude by saying she can stay and relax at the hotel while I go out in the afternoon, then we go to to the concert together in the evening?

I'd love to relax at a hotel on my own and wait for the event I was interested in. I don't like doing too much in one day, but I'm happy for my friends to do what makes them happy.

Not rude in the least. She's the one dropping out of half the events - she wouldn't seriously expect you to miss out as well.

She can relax or shop or whatever, and you'll join up in the evening.

Did she ask you to skip the afternoon event and stay with her? Maybe she expects you to keep your original plan and you're just over thinking things.

@30DegreesHighAndRising we've not discussed it yet, but I think she might be surprised if I suggest leaving her on her own.

Erm. No, she would be rude to expect you to miss out on an event you were planning with other friends just because she doesn't want to go.

Anyway why are you worrying about a situation that hasn't happened yet and probably won't materialise? (Assuming she's a reasonable adult woman?)

Rude of her to expect you to miss out on an event booked op

o would just tell her your still going to the day event and go and enjoy yourself

Totally fine!

I'd mention it to her now so you don't have to continue worrying about if she'll get the wrong idea and it might lead to some kind of ugliness later. Just say or text, "Okay then, I'll leave you to relax at the hotel while I go to the 80's party, then we'll do the evening event together."

This sounds fine to me. As someone who is chronically ill, I'd rather rest up and have a good time with you at one event than either push myself OR stop you going to both. Everyone wins.

I don't understand why you're even asking the question.

No good deed goes unpunished. Better to go without her, if you can. If you still want to bring her, obviously go to both.

I have chronic fatigue. I would actively prefer for you to go to your afternoon thing while I rest up. Selfishly, if you were to stay with me all afternoon it would be harder for me to nap and I would be using up energy talking to you (however much I enjoy it) that I can ill afford to spend. Also less selfishly I would hate to be the reason you cancelled your plans.

I think you are massively overthinking this. I would bet money she never dreamt of asking or expecting you to cancel. She is just shepherding her energy so she can go to the concert with you.

No you are fine, not rude at all - you did a nice thing inviting her. I bet she's not wondering if she's being rude for skipping the afternoon event! If she's miffed then that's on her, she has no right to be.

Relaxing in a hotel for the afternoon sounds bliss, I would 100000000% prefer that over going to a party when I also have a concert in the evening planned.

Even if I wasn't feeling run down two activities like that in one day would be too much for me. My introverted soul would hate it.

That’s not rude at all. All you have to say is, ‘No worries. Rest up and join us when you’re ready’.

As a person with health issues I’d say absolutely fine for you to go out in the afternoon. I’d hate it if you changed your plans for me and be grateful for the quiet afternoon to have a rest before the concert.

This. And as you are the one inviting her to pre-existing plans, it would be rude and entitled of her to expect you to drop out of half of them.

Yep totally agree. If she’s a half normal adult she will get this

Not rude at all. If u dropped out,would be rude to your friends you made the original plans with.

Not rude..go ahead and discuss it.

She is the rude one with her demands but If you wanted to catch up with the friends no idea why you invited her in the first place

I dont like doing too much in one day but if i was your friend id chill at the hotel and meet you all later for the event. Uoure nor being rude at all. She would be rude to expect you to not go to your afternoon event.

Has something big (break up with longstanding BF, cancer diagnosis, etc.) happened between her agreeing to both and now saying just the one?

If so then I wouldn't say you were being rude, but I would say maybe not being the best friend. But if she agreed to both and now just doesn't want to do the party, that's on her and she's the one being pretty rude if she expects you to drop the party too.

If I have said I can't manage something, I need to rest. I am not going to want anyone around. Go to your event

As someone with chronic illnesses, I would love for you to go to the party whilst I rest. It would not be rude in the slightest. I'd find it helped, then I could nap!

Yes. Absolutely. Don't change your plans to suit her and that actually wouldn't be fair on the other friends who are excited for you to attend the day time event.

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