Will I be rude in this situation

[Ulrikakakakaka]

I have had plans to go out with friends to an afternoon 80's party and then to a concert in the evening. I have been looking forward to these two things for months.

I invited another very close friend of mine along. She is very good fun, I love her to bits and she could do with the cheering up that these two things would bring. As she lives near me I will be taking us both and we're staying overnight.
She was initially keen to go to both things, but now says she only wants to go to the concert at night. She's had bad health lately and feels both things will be too much for her.
I have been looking forward to going to the daytime party and meeting up with these friends for months.
As I originally told her my plans were to go to both things am I being rude by telling her that I'm still going and she can relax at the hotel? As much as I sympathise with her being previously ill, I've invited her to join my existing plans and don't see why I should compromise those plans.
It's not about the cost of the ticket I'd be losing out on, it's about treating my friend properly without compromising things I've been looking forward to for ages. I think she might assume I won't go to the day time thing either.
So before I have the discussion with her am I being rude by saying she can stay and relax at the hotel while I go out in the afternoon, then we go to to the concert together in the evening?

Don't overthink this. If she needs rest, then it's better for her to skip the afternoon rather than valiantly trying to battle through then have to leave. And if she is resting then she doesn't need you for that. She hasn't demanded you drop the party, has she? Then just do your separate afternoon things and conto the concert together at night.

Unless she’s a child or severely ill I just don’t see what’s the point of you staying there too.

Not rude at all. She can relax in the hotel or have a quiet mooch around the town.

What demands?

Not at all. You had made the plans first and she was aware of both activities. It is fine for her to choose not to attend one, but that shouldn't prevent you from going. If you had made arrangements with her first and then suddenly sprung on an extra activity then it wouldn't be fair, but the plans were already clear and it's up to her if she doesn't want to go to everything.

I think it is more rude to ask her to existing plans.. did you ask the other people?

And not rude to say you will go on ahead.

No but it would be rude of you to drop out of the afternoon plans when you've had them arranged with the original friends for months.

I wouldn't have invited this extra friend TBH and would have done something separately with her and it's already changing the dynamic of the day...

Yeah, @PollyBell - what demands?

I pressed the wrong button!!! You are doing the right thing!

Not rude at all. You invited her, she’s declined. That’s her choice. You don’t have to watch her rest, that would be distinctly odd.

Its the perfect solution. If I were your friend I'd want you to go to the day event so I could relax properly in prep for the evening.

Of course not, she was joining your plans and would probably be horrified if you said you would cancel the first plan for her.

You invited her to two things, which was what she accepted. She can hardly grumble if you still intend to do both.

As said, you invited her to your existing plans, it’s up to her what she wants to do, but you are completely reasonable to do what you originally planned. Tell her you’ll be going to the party as you’ve really been looking forward to it but she can relax and you’ll meet her/come and get her for the concert in the evening

Of course I asked the other people, I didn't just go ahead and ask her without considering others.
She's not a complete stranger to them. She's met them before, but not enough to have become friends with them yet.

i don’t understand your worry about offending her.

you asked her to come along and she said yes, she knows your other friends will be there too and that is the reason why you’re going in the first place.

surely if she asks you to not attend (which she may not anyway), she’d be the rude one for making you miss an event with your friends.

There are no demands from her, we haven't even discussed it yet. I wanted to check I wasn't being rude by leaving her.
I asked other friends first before inviting her, I wasn't rude there. It's a daytime 80's thing and we're a more the merrier bunch of people.

In which case, OP you would be far more rude to let down your mates at the 80s party than to let your friend chill in the hotel.

If i was your friend you staying with me at the hotel wouldn't even cross my mind - I would just assume of course you'd go. That would be the same even if you'd organised the plan together, so considering it was your plan originally and she was an add on even more so.

I wouldn't even approach it as a discussion or you asking if its okay if you still go, just a "yeah of course thats fine, ill probably be back from the party at about 5 so give me time to chill and get ready and we can go out to the concert at 8ish." (Or whatever the timings are). Or if you were planning on going straight the equivalent with "so you can come and meet us at 7"

Yes, but this is Mumsnet - someone's got to be being rude somewhere!

For what it's worth, none of you are being rude. It's all OK. Everything's fine.

Definitely not rude and agree with others that your friend may welcome some quiet time before the concert. Just wondering what time you can check in to the hotel though (assuming you are staying the night after the concert).

I assume you told her your full plans for the day, so if she doesn't want to go with you for part of it she looks after herself, whether she stays in the hotel or does something else is up to her. She can't expect you to skip your party because she doesn't want to go. I would just ask her what she is going to do while you are at the party.

I’d just do it casually, just say are you sure you will be fine alone during rhe day, can I get you anything before hand , something like that,

and you should definitely go, she knows why you’re there,

That sounds perfect outcome!

Youve made plans and said please join us if youd like to. Shes said no to one and yes to the other, thats fine BUT SHE WOULD BE RUDE if she expected you to ditch your frineds and current plans to accomodate her.

I think you say, well im doing both so if you just want to go to the concert I'll meet you X place at Y time. If you want to come with me even thought im doung both I dont mind. You might want to chill in the hotel.