AIBU to be annoyed with MIL today

[TURTLE74]

I had a surgery done for hysteroscopy and biopsy under general anaesthetic 2 weeks ago. I have had no help or support during this time from Husband 62, Son 26, Daughter 22 at all and have told them to help me out but they haven’t. MIL 89 was round for dinner today and she followed me into kitchen asking if I was ok. I told her I wasn’t and explained why and she said to me you don’t let anyone help you, you always say no and I bet if xxxx (DD) came in to say she’s washing the dishes you would say no. I said to her you don’t know that she said to me yes I do cos you never let people help you out & you never accept any help. I said to her I have asked DH to help me out with cooking and he said to me it’s just a bit of cooking. She just completely flipped it over onto me saying how I was the one at fault for not asking for any help or letting others help me. Am I wrong for feeling very annoyed here or AIBU because of her age. I also said to her quite clearly you don’t understand how I feel so let’s agree to disagree

Sounds like there is a lot of people in your life
You are annoyed with.

Seems odd to channel it towards your very elderly MiL

I’d be annoyed, too. Tell your DD and DH that your MiL says that you never accept help and from now on you need help.

Yes I’m annoyed with DH Son and Daughter but annoyed with MIL not understanding as well

She's making stuff up about you, based on her preconceptions, without any knowledge of what has actually happened. Of course that is incredibly annoying. Is it out of character or is she always like this?

Always like this

It seems a bizarre focus in the wider
context that your entire family have done nothing whereas she was trying

Trying to understand but defending them is what she was doing

But prior to your op, did you used to turn down offers of help? When she visited and asked if she could do anything, did you say 'no, I'm fine, don't worry'?

Because she's got that impression somehow. And I doubt that she was taking about right now. More that this is an impression she's gained over time.

I did the same procedure two years ago. It wasn’t such a big deal. I was fine the next day. The GA did make me need a bit more sleep for about a week but otherwise I was able to function normally.

Have you previously started a thread about fact your DH DD and DS did nothing?

Can I ask why you made dinner? Why didn’t you just not bother and tell DH ds dd that you weren’t doing it? Go on strike. They want clean clothes, the clean them. They want food, the shop and buy some and make it. They want a tidy house, they move their shit. Stop doing it and say, I asked you lot to help.

Is there any truth in it or was she just bizarrely talking bollocks for no reason?

My ex MIL was lovely but she drove us all mad by martyring on and not letting anyone help.

I read this post with interest as I went through the same a month ago and was out and about the next day. Were you in pain, were you discombobulated by the GA? Why did you think that they should be helping you a couple of weeks later? This is not a big procedure, you are out for less than 20 mins, frankly you need to let this drop.

I was genuinely going to ask the OP if there were any complications as I’ve had the procedure 3 times in the last two years, and the pain lasted 6 or 7 hours max.

Sounds like you are very much taken for granted by your immediate family. I don’t care how minor the procedure is, I’d want my lot to step up had I had a GA. Any kind of hospital procedure would mean I’d be coddling my DH, even if unnecessary.

Me too

You're angry with the wrong person.

So it looks like I have misunderstood MIL

Yes I’ve had several procedures and recovery lasted a few days.

OP I think the issue lies more with your DH and DC rather than your MIL. It sounds to me that they weren’t supportive after your procedure and it’s probably festering now and you are (understandably) feeling resentful.

I think if you’re still suffering two weeks after a hysteroscopy you should consult your Dr.

I think you just need to stop being in a mood with everyone @TURTLE74 . Talk to your immediate family or just move on from this. But a fortnight later … you’re wallowing at this point

I went back to work after 2 days. It really is a very minor procedure

Yes that’s my experience too.

Also I wouldn’t exactly call it surgery. It’s a day procedure and perfectly normal to take biopsies during it.
I think there’s more going on with you and you sound like your family are taking you for granted.
Pointless falling out with your MIL over this.
Be proactive with your family and your expectations of what they should be doing around the house.

Maybe she’s more sensitive to pain or she has other underlying conditions. We all feel pain differently and if she needs support from her family, they should step up.
I had a wisdom tooth removed without anaesthetic when I was 4 months pregnant, no way would I ask people that require sedation for their wisdom tooth removal why they needed it when I didn’t.
@TURTLE74 sorry your family didn’t step up, hope you feel better now. Don’t do anything around the house next time, focus on yourself!

The fact that you're there in the kitchen sorting dinner when there's 3 other adults living in the house is really testament to the fact you're probably a bit of a martyr and your MIL is probably bang on.

You cannot have it every which way.