I don’t love my sister

[Fortunatelymaybe]

AIBU? I have no real deep love or connection with my sister. I don’t hate her, I honestly just don’t care about her in any way. I understand that my even writing this post may suggest that I care in some way but I don’t. I suppose the reason for writing this is to feel that I’m not alone for having no real love for a sibling.

My sister and I have had a tumultuous relationship our whole lives, and that’s putting it lightly. Since as far back as I can remember she has had an evil streak and regularly hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. She’s been my biggest bully from day 1. We were raised together in the same home until she moved out as a teenager.

As adults we have never spent longer than 2-3 months on speaking terms. We haven’t been in contact now for over 3 years. We are completely different people with generally opposing views on things. We live different lives and have differing priorities and I understand that this is normal in a lot of families. Where it becomes difficult is that she is rude and outspoken whereas I am introverted and prefer to distance myself from negativity. Anytime I am in her company she makes nasty comments about my looks, my life, my family and anything else you could imagine. She is also rude and nasty to my other siblings (all of whom I get along with perfectly well).

There has been a recent change in family dynamics (too much to get into) which has made me consider the relationships I have with my siblings and how much I truly value their presence and how lucky I am to have them. This is when I began to realise that I have no real love for my sister. The thought of never seeing or hearing from her again has absolutely no impact on me emotionally.

I always hear people say “she’s your sister, you love her deep down” I can honestly hand on my heart say that I do not love her. AIBU to feel this way? Should I have some form of affection for her because she’s family?

I feel exactly the same about mine.

I have a similar situation with my sister, if she died I’d be sad but not for me for my parents and I think that probably sums up our relationship.(obviously I don’t want her to die but in the same way I don’t want anyone to die) I tolerate her for my parents sake but once they are gone there will be no relationship there and I’m at peace with that! Don’t feel bad OP nobody deserves automatic love when they treat you badly even family!

I am exactly the same about my bother. I just don’t care, I don’t want to spend time or talk to him. He doesn’t like me either it’s mutual.
we won’t speak for months and months and only really end up speaking when we are with our parents

I have an estranged brother- life is so much easier without the constant narcissistic drama. I don’t miss him and any attempts to reconcile always end up in disaster. It’s been this way for over 25years so he’s pretty much a stranger now.

My sister is like this, I can’t stand her and the only reason I have any contact is because my kids love their cousins. I know that I wouldn’t be too fussed if she disappeared from my life

She’s a snidey wee prick and seems to be uncontrollably jealous of many people. She drains me.

Similar situation here too. I'm completely indifferent to her. Every time we get on, she has to cause a scene from nothing. I just have no interest in her. Not to help nor hurt her. Just, nothing. I do feel sad that I have a sister who has made it this way, I'd love to have a warm, loving, fun sister but... It's what it is and she's just not worth the hassle.
ETA: when we're in the same room together, we just ignore each other. I speak to her kids in a warm, auntie'ly way and she speaks to mine in... her way (though I always keep an ear out just to make sure she isn't doing her weird, controlling thing to them. Mine are older and have seen her ridiculous side many times so aren't particularly bothered about her, though they groan if they hear she's coming to a family event. They're civil towards her though.)

Your last sentence made me chuckle, I tried to be diplomatic writing my original post but ultimately your last sentence is exactly what I say to the people I know 🤣 xx

Not seen mine for years. You don’t miss a relationship you never had.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

You’re not wrong.

We’ve had a change in family dynamic too and my sister’s behaviour towards me has been absolutely shocking and beyond painful to have to deal with. There’s been no respite from her behaviour either as we are bound together by circumstance and my MH has taken an absolute battering.

I think I might actually hate her. Which is a terrible thing to say about a sibling. Although I have my faults I like to think I’m a good and kind person and really don’t understand this need to have to be so unkind and nasty.

My conclusion is that just because you fell out of the same foof as someone doesn’t bind you for life.

Me too op amd l hate to admit it because she's not horrible - but l hate it when she calls me or comes to stay because we are so different. I highly suspect she is neurodiverse and can't help the way she is so l try and be patient with her but ultimately l know l will end up being her carer as she ages . But l also feel awful as she doesn't have many friends although l can see why . She is very annoying but doesn't realise it.

Why would you love her? She sounds horrible.

I get this. I have a brother that I love and a sister. But my other sister is just a nightmare and always has been.

Not unreasonable, and I say that as someone who is probably the hated sister. I wasn't very nice when we were growing up and hugely resented my little sister. We're cordial now as adults but not close.

Yep, same here. Love my bro and little sis but tolerate the middle one because of family dynamics and mainly my niblings whom I love very much.

You really don’t HAVE to.

I'd have loved to have a sibling I was close to. Sadly, my only sibling is an awful person, who lies, potentially kept several thousands of pounds for themselves that should have been shared to the estate, who refused to pull their weight to help with things leading up to and after not one, but two relatives dying, where we were NOK/handling the estate.

He is narcissistic. He misled and lied to my mum when she was alive. Even worse, he and his wife try to gaslight me, and make out they have/haven't done/said things.

Now all of the older family have died, I don't feel like I need to put up with his toxic behaviour so I have gone non contact. He has never added anything positive to my life, and now, several years down the line on no contact, I can confirm my life is only better for not having him, and his equally toxic wife in it.

I dint bother with mine either....hated each other as kids, became closer in young adulthood when I was used & abused in looking after her kids, mine came along and she disappeared. Have seen her a handful of times in 6 years and its cooly cordial only in front of our mother.

I don’t have a relationship with any of my siblings. No falling out, I wish them all well, we are all just very different people and I wouldn’t chose them as friends or people to spend time with. I don’t feel bad about that either, I have a lot of close friendships that are more important to me.

I feel the same about mine. Just because we’re sister doesn’t mean we have to get along.

I feel nowt for my sister.
She had an affair with my ex-h for 10 years. When first discovered she went to police and accused him of rape. Then the whole history came out.
My DM spent all her life telling me I should just pretend it didn't happen and make her welcome in my house. Apparently I should want her to come to mine for Christmas so she won't be alone. Nope I manage all year not thinking about her and not talking to her why would I want to see her then?

It’s ok to give yourself grace, kindness and permission here OP. You don’t owe anyone love because you’re related to them. I also don’t love my siblings. I was treated appallingly by one of them during my childhood and didn’t grow up with my other siblings so barely know them, and what I do know about them I don’t like. People who say ‘you should love them’ or ‘deep down you do really love them’ do not understand.

@Fortunatelymaybe , I hear you; I understand that’s how you feel. I love my brother, I’ve always loved him; he’s been awful to me and now he’s gone and I have no way of finding him. I don’t like him very much by the way but my life has a hole.

I'm the same. We never really got on, my mum allowed her to get away with terrible behaviour as she was the youngest, but only by a few years. I was horrid to her too, but she never fully grew up and continued to embarrass and upset me, plus encouraged my emotionally immature mum to scape- goat me. She has been emotionally enmeshed and reliant on my mum for years. She is dishonest, materialistic and completely selfish. She is going through difficulties at the moment and is very sorry for herself. I'm offering practical help, but a lot of her messages don't quite ring true to me. It feels like she's doing ott emotional acting all the time. It pains me to be in contact with her, but I also feel bad for her, because maybe she can't help her personality. It makes me feel like a bad person that dealing with her makes me feel so queasy.

You’re not obliged to feel love for anyone, and especially not people who are unkind to you. My own sister is a greedy, selfish pathological liar with the worst case of main character syndrome you’ll find. I’ve no time for anyone who tells me I owe her love.

I don’t love my brother. We got on fine as kids - there was no abuse/bullying - but have never lived in the same place as adults and don’t have anything in common. Now that our parents are both dead and their estate is settled, there’s no longer any reason for us to interact. I wouldn’t be surprised if we never speak again.