I don’t love my sister

[Fortunatelymaybe]

AIBU? I have no real deep love or connection with my sister. I don’t hate her, I honestly just don’t care about her in any way. I understand that my even writing this post may suggest that I care in some way but I don’t. I suppose the reason for writing this is to feel that I’m not alone for having no real love for a sibling.

My sister and I have had a tumultuous relationship our whole lives, and that’s putting it lightly. Since as far back as I can remember she has had an evil streak and regularly hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. She’s been my biggest bully from day 1. We were raised together in the same home until she moved out as a teenager.

As adults we have never spent longer than 2-3 months on speaking terms. We haven’t been in contact now for over 3 years. We are completely different people with generally opposing views on things. We live different lives and have differing priorities and I understand that this is normal in a lot of families. Where it becomes difficult is that she is rude and outspoken whereas I am introverted and prefer to distance myself from negativity. Anytime I am in her company she makes nasty comments about my looks, my life, my family and anything else you could imagine. She is also rude and nasty to my other siblings (all of whom I get along with perfectly well).

There has been a recent change in family dynamics (too much to get into) which has made me consider the relationships I have with my siblings and how much I truly value their presence and how lucky I am to have them. This is when I began to realise that I have no real love for my sister. The thought of never seeing or hearing from her again has absolutely no impact on me emotionally.

I always hear people say “she’s your sister, you love her deep down” I can honestly hand on my heart say that I do not love her. AIBU to feel this way? Should I have some form of affection for her because she’s family?

So feeling this thread!

I don’t think you’re alone. My partner genuinely never thinks about his sister and on occasion when her names come up has actually admitted he’d forgotten she exists. He’s got zero interest in her at all, which has upset her in the past. They have a big age gap. He was an only child for most of his childhood. Definitely has no love for her but will be polite / tactful enough.

YANBU. Ive been NC with my identical twin for 12 years. Same for little sister.
They're just awful selfish, narcissistic bullies. I dont want my kids treated like shit like I was so I dont have anything to do with them.
Life is peaceful and happier without them tbh.
They blame me for imagined slights and stuff they've made up.
Recently our dad died. Their behavior, taking all his family pictures is typical of their controlling immature cruel manipulative ways.
If it helps, I grieved them as if theyd died. I grieved for the relationship I deserved to have. For the sister I was to them. I supported them massively, babysat, turned myself inside out to be good enough, did endless shitty jobs to help them out. My fault.
One day I realised I and my kids would never be good enough. So I stopped trying. I just stopped.
That was naturally my fault too.
I dont hate my sister. I dont love her. I dont care. That took a lot of therapy to say.
Dont feel bad OP, sometimes its just the way life is.

Mine disapproves of me. She can fuck off.

Since as far back as I can remember she has had an evil streak and regularly hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. She’s been my biggest bully from day 1.

Anytime I am in her company she makes nasty comments about my looks, my life, my family and anything else you could imagine.

There is absolutely no reason to love, like, or even tolerate someone who treats you like that.

Could have written this myself

You do you, but I'd just say observe that you paint a picture of her as an awful human being but I wonder how she would describe you? Genuinely.

I ask because my sibling and i see the absolute worst in eachother in a way that noone else can, and thats because we're similar: it's fucking hard to have your worst flaws reflected back at you.

I'd also point out that due to human nature, if you cut her off, even if the other siblings hate her, they probably won't cut her out, even if they talk the talk, so you'll be the "awkward" one who gets excluded.

I don’t care for either of my siblings. I don’t hate them and they’ve never done anything to upset me but I just don’t care for them and I know it’s vice versa. I only see them at family occasions and never talk to them outside of that. If my Mum died I can’t imagine we’d keep in contact.

I know lots of people who feel little about their siblings, I don’t think it’s unusual at all. Having the same parents doesn’t mean you have to love them.

I love my brother and I think I always will. But I don't like or trust him. I believe he has untreated mental health challenges, which may account for some of his behaviour. About 10 years ago, he changed drastically and did some things that were unforgivable. Everything has gone downhill from there, especially after the death of our mother. We got along brilliantly as kids and it does make me sad that we no longer have much of a sibling relationship. I just try to remember the boy he was and avoid thinking too much about the man he has become.

Have we the same sister? 😂

I don't bother with two of my siblings. I realised I was doing all the contacting, arranging, planning, so I dropped the rope and well, it was the summer after covid lockdowns, August 2021, that I last saw them, at a family get together I had arranged. Total radio silence from both of them. One of them has since dropped all of our family, no one sees them any more. The other sibling sends Christmas cards to aged aunties and nowt else.

I thought I would be upset, but actually, no. It is a relief. I can go months without thinking about them.

One sibling in particular was very awful when we were children , you get conditioned by family to accept what is meted out as perfectly normal. So I spent decades struggling to keep these relationships alive before dropping the rope. It is like FAFO but in a good way!