To think that it is unusual?

[MangoMustard]

I know mumsnet can be the extreme of most situations so im sure I will get lots of people telling me they are too but aibu to think that it IS unusual to be celibate for 10 years in your 30s? (This is my situation) I know it may be common in older age ranges but do you think it’s common in your 30s or would you say it’s unusual?

I think that is probably unusual.

I can think of at least three women in my acquaintance who are or were in that situation and also one man so I don’t think it’s anywhere near as unusual as you might think. It might not be the norm, but it’s not necessarily super unusual either.

I don't think it's that unusual. I can think of at least 4 friends/acquaintances who are long-term single and childless in their early 40s and are not, to my knowledge, shagging around. All women.
TBH, they are 4 of the seemingly most content, happiest people I know. Living life completely on their own terms. I love it for them.

30s not 40s :)

I've been celibate since I was 37, I'm 45 now. Single parent, one bedroom flat, no childcare, no chance.

Also we are not talking about single as single doesn't mean celibate (unless they’ve confirmed they are also celibate)

Im specifically talking about women in their 30s as im aware it may be more common in older age ranges.

But if early 40s and it’s been for a long time then it also covers your thirties

Yes I know but if you are in your 30s then it can be from 20s (mine is) so I want to specifically aim it at 30s currently or will get lots of older people saying they have been for 10 years etc I’ve heard people in their 50s and 60s saying they are similar but that’s a very different age range to compare.

I was celibate from 22 to 32.

Well, apart from one night of wild passion aged 29.

It's unusual but not unknown. Just didn't meet anyone.

I’d say that is very unusual not unheard of but obviously very unusual. Did you try to meet anyone?

Lol my partner and myself are in our 50/60s and haven't got to the celibate bit yet

I would say it's pretty unusual tbh to be celibate in your 30 s

Ime being celibate by choice at any age is unusual. Being celibate through lack of opportunity in your 30s probably isn't hugely common place, unless there are reasons eg psychological or physical. Being celibate through lack of opportunity when older than 30s is probably more common as people are more likely to be coupled up the older they are.
It also depends if you're single or not. If you're in a relationship and celibate not through choice at any age then that is an awful situation to be in and I would imagine not that common.

I find it weird that you make sweeping assumptions about “older people”. And also that you think being in your 40s is “older” 😂.

I think being celibate for 10 years is outside my experience at any age.

Why get offended. 40s is older than 30s not an insult!

Thanks, thats what I was asking, I hate when people make out like it’s common. I really don’t think it is.

I think celibate is a choice of word that implies a conscious choice, but I guess from the tone that it's something you wish was different?

I increasingly think that it's hard to really know what "normal" looks like to anyone else in their private life. There are couples who never have sex and single people with extensive "friends with benefits" arrangements.

I guess I think it would be unusual to want a sexual relationship, be actively looking for one and not be able to find one for 10 years. I don't think age comes into it as much as you seem to think, though. I think the experiences of women in the 30s, 40s and older aren't so different.

I think this may offer an insight into your involuntary celibacy op

Im just asking people in my age bracket not sure why that’s upsetting anyone. I’ve heard of a few people in their 50s and beyond saying it’s the same for them but that’s a very different age range and yes I do think it’s less common in your 30s than say 50s why is that offensive?

I didn't say it was offensive, I said I think you're incorrect to assume you could only have a shared experience with a very narrow bracket of other women.

I suppose the context to me wanting to point that out is that patriarchal societies place different value on women depending on age, as if this is a trait that defines women more than any other. But, it isn't true. Nothing magically changes for women as they get into middle age, it's only social rules that dictate women post 40 are less valuable, less interesting and should be listened to less.

My concern is that if you are falling into the trap of believing there's something inherently different about your age group, you will miss support from women who might be a help, could feel there's something stranger about lack of sexual contact (since you are still in the "more valuable younger women" category) and the prospect of ageing (especially as you're close to middle age) becomes frightening.

Where did I say any of that. Stop making things up. You are getting carried away with yourself and trying to derail my thread.

I think it’s very unusual, but definitely not unheard of, I know of a few people who were celibate in their 30s

For 10 years?

I was open to it ...

If they are long term single, that would cover their 30s…