To think that it is unusual?

[MangoMustard]

I know mumsnet can be the extreme of most situations so im sure I will get lots of people telling me they are too but aibu to think that it IS unusual to be celibate for 10 years in your 30s? (This is my situation) I know it may be common in older age ranges but do you think it’s common in your 30s or would you say it’s unusual?

Why do you care if people think it’s common or not?

It is highly unusual OP. 10 years is a long time as well. I don't think I've been celibate for more than a couple of months since my mid teens and I'm mid 50s now and I consider myself an average sort of person re: lifestyle/relationships.

No reason it’s just when it’s come up on here before people act like it’s completely normal and common when I don’t think it is but people act like it is.

Maybe they all know people in that situation so don’t find it that unusual.

I'm not getting the connection. Why would not being celibate mean the kids have a step father. You don't have to marry or live with the guys

It absolutely is and I’m 42 having not had sex in almost 11 years - but for me it’s not by choice but circumstances that I won’t bore you with. Is the choice of the person you’re referring to, related to their circumstances or just a flat out preference?

@cuckoolodgerExactly my reasoning and why it’s been nearly 11 years for me. I’d love it to change but it can’t until my child grows up for reasons I don’t want to debate

I am mid 30s and not had sex since 2020. I’ve also never had a long term relationship! My best friend hasn’t been with anyone since uni so more than 10 years.

I guess it is a bit unusual but to each their own.

If your kids don’t see their father (he’s dead or absent) and you don’t have a village of help so you have your kids 7 days a week, then dating completely away from your kids is nigh on impossible!
*Edited to add that if one or more of your kids have additional needs, meaning they cannot or won’t go to anyone else besides you when not at school, that also makes dating extremely difficult if not impossible.

I’d say it’s unusual if it’s by choice in terms of being asexual. Not so unusual if circumstances aren’t permitting.

I am 41 now, but it's been coming up 8 years now, so certainly most of my 30s. By choice, as a result of becoming a single parent. My free time is too rare to waste it in the cess pool of dating apps and what have you!
I don't think it is the norm, but not so uncommon that it is "weird" either. Depends on the reasons I suppose. Probably more common among single parents, or survivors of abusive relationships than it is among care free 30 somethings who's time outside of work is all their own.

I think it's probably getting more common. Still unusual though.

I have friends who are in their 30s and celibate, but have also never had any sexual contact whatsoever due to religious reasons. In the wider context, I'd say this was unusual, but not so much in the religion I was raised in.

Thanks for the comments, interesting to see that 32% of people thinking being celibate for 10 years in your 30s is NOT unusual! Wonder if those people have?

I know someone very, veryy similar but still early 30s. Has never slept with anyone, and to he honest I’d be surprised if she ever does.

Slightly younger than you but I do know a few people in their late twenties and early 30s who’ve been celibate for similar periods either because they’re single parents and don’t really get a chance to meet anyone or because they’re single and wont put themselves out there to meet anyone (consciously or unconsciously)

I don’t think it’s the norm but it’s not exactly unusual in the sense that it’s shocking or anything

That's nothing to do with step fathers though.

The biggest indicator of abuse within the home is the presence of a step father. And wet both know that first hand. Both of my sisters DSs are ND and I am their village with her. Their dad is pretty useless but tbh he has stepped up a bit in the last few weeks/months as my sister is so busy at work. I more than pull my weight with her kids and am the go to for child care. but my sis has zero interest in getting nicked with any men while her children live at home. Possibly may never engage with them again and she’s fine with that. Her priority is her children and her job. Not her Fanny, that’s way way down at the very bottom of her list. Her life is very full and she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out so why should she NOT be celibate? More and more women are finding out that their lives are actually better with out men and children. That’s one of the reasons the birth rate is dropping and the incel rate in increasing. Women are wise to the way men will exploit them and are saying no.

She can be celibate if she wishes. No one is saying otherwise.

My kids have never had a stepfather or a man living in their home that isn't their father. And I split up with my eldest 2 dad in 1998. Certaily haven't been celibate all that time

Single, childfree, celibate all by choice since 28. I'm 40 now and no intention of changing this ever, but was my whole 30s.

From my own experience I'd say unusual but not as unusual as you'd think, and would concur with a PP that those of us in this situation (by choice rather than by circumstance) are among the happiest of the people I know.