Ear piercing. Should other parent be consulted?

[incogn1to]

I am separated. My STBX took DD (10) to get her ears pierced today. I was not consulted. Apparently we discussed it last year (when we were both in states of poor MH that led to our breakup).

I feel ex should have mentioned it to me first. I wouldn't have objected and they know that. What do you think?

Did DD want it? I'd say she's old enough but a heads up would be nice.

Your dd wanted it, and you wouldnt have objected anyway.

This isn't a hill to die on honestly. Its done now.

Yes, especially if dd lives with you and you are the one who will have to make sure she keeps up on the cleaning etc until healed. To not mention it at all sounds like it’s just been done to get one over on you. How hard would it be just to send a quick “you’re still ok with dd getting her ears pierced, right” text?

Yes she did and I'd not have objected in the slightest. It's about respect for the co-parent. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it without consulting STBX.

@incogn1to YABU

It was something you'd discussed before and said was fine and she is 10 years old, not 10 months old, so old enough to look after them herself.

Make sure she bought some cleaning solution. The salt spray is easiest.

I'm not separated and have 3 daughters I don't think I checked with my dh when I got their ears pierced.

I understand where you're coming from, but I really don't think it's worth dwelling on.

I mean, it's not the most pressing issue in my life right now. Not by a long way. But ex was of the opinion that they'd done nothing wrong and I just wanted to ask opinions

If she was 2 I’d agree with you, but she’s 10 so no you didn’t need specifically consulting. It’s actually about your daughter more than respecting the other coparent, so I wouldn’t make this a big deal, especially when you’d have said yes anyway

Yes she wanted it and she's more than old enough. But as you say, a heads-up isn't much to ask

Ten is too young for body modification.

I’d be FUMING!

Is your ex non-binary?

How would that be relevant?

Jesus 😂😂😂

Steady... it's not a face tattoo 😆

It looks like you are fuming 😄

Your ex obviously felt you’d agreed to this before, so no need to mention again. I don’t think that was needed really, you had discussed it before, your daughter wanted it and you would have agreed. It’s earrings, not medical treatment or a choice of school that has a long term effect.

I didn't consult my husband when dd got her ears/ belly pierced ( she has 4 piercings now). Her first one was at 6 and dh just said it looked lovely when he saw her. So no, I don't think informing the other parent is necessary as long as its the child's decision( i don't agree with piercing for babies/ before the child can ask for themselves).

You keep referring to he /she as "they"

Yes I think consulting the other parent is the decent thing to do, I certainly would have just for the sake of good co-parenting relationship.

Is that in any way relevant to the question I'm asking?

Does she live with you? ie Are you going to be the one who keeps up with cleaning them and making sure she heals ok? I’d be annoyed if it was just done and presented to me like “I’ve done this, now you deal with the consequences”.

What’s the co parenting split? Is it 50 50 or does she live primarily with the other parent? It’d be annoying if an EOW dad did this as it would be the primary parents responsibility to keep on top of cleaning it

UK? Id be annoyed as schools can be really strict and we always waited till the summer break, not half way through a term.

Also I m gonna put a sexist view up that most DFs wouldnt be bothered by a DD getting ears pierced without much/any discussion but its a job 'normally' left to a DM to sort and keep healthy.

I'd be fine if it was done properly at a tattoo parlour with a needle and quality earrings now in place, much less fine if it was done at Claire's.