Ear piercing. Should other parent be consulted?

[incogn1to]

I am separated. My STBX took DD (10) to get her ears pierced today. I was not consulted. Apparently we discussed it last year (when we were both in states of poor MH that led to our breakup).

I feel ex should have mentioned it to me first. I wouldn't have objected and they know that. What do you think?

I think the main thing is school's PE/games policy on wearing earrings, a lot won't allow them to tape their ears. DC's school started out allowing taping but then made them remove them. It does mean a lot of children get their ears pierced the last day of summer term allowing 6 weeks of healing before returning to school.

As for permission, I think you should have been told it was happening today because it had been previously discussed and agreed upon.

10?

Classy.

ears pierced at 10 is very normal and not in any way classy or unclassy

Yeah, I might have over-reacted…

I don’t like body modifications on children, though. And to do it without discussion sucks. I’m with the OP on that.

I am aware I’m in the minority.

It's not the 1950s. Ten-year olds had earrings when I was at school. Even some of the boys.

I was desperate to get my ears pierced when I was a kid, but my parents thought it was tacky (wasn't allowed to watch ITV either!)

I never did get them done, and I kinda like being the odd one out, so it turns out I'm grateful not to have redundant little holes in my ears.

I agree, sexist as it is, it’s usually the mums who look after ear piercing!

OP is referring to ex as “they” so could be mum or dad 🤷‍♀️

I didn’t consult DH when I took DD and she was (almost) 6.

Rightly or wrongly it is normally a mum thing though- it’s pretty standard for a mum to take a DD without even mentioning to Dad, whereas it would be quite unusual for a Dad to take their DD… so I think sex of your partner is not completely irrelevant…

But really, DD is 10 so capable of knowing her own mind and looking after them herself. Unless there’s been a cock up like school doesn’t allow them or they must come out for PE and/or he took her somewhere with dodgy hygiene or failed to buy cleaning stuff then I don’t think it’s a big deal and it’s not a hill to die on.

Interesting. I told my dh that I was taking dd to get her ears pierced, I didn’t ask his permission/discuss it with him before. She was 13 and ready, most women have it done, etc. I think I’d have been annoyed with him if he’d taken her without consulting me though! It just feels like a mother and daughter decision and activity, edging towards a rite of passage.

Yes, they don’t age well.

My mum had pierced ears when I was younger and the earring cut through so instead of holes she has two slits.

It makes it clunky to read. And it looks like you feel it's relevant

It's the respectful thing to do.

Yanbu. It's October, he could have least done it before the summer hols. She'll probably excluded from PE for weeks now.

Clunky to read? I'm not sure why. No-one else seems to have an issue

it doesn’t make it clunky to read. No one else even noticed. Using ‘they’ is absolutely standard.

Pronoun Police. Ignore.

Not pronoun police. It just tends to be done by people trying to conceal who is who.

You had already discussed it, so there's no real problem there. Planning it for just before 6 weeks off would have made more sense, though, so it would have been helpful if they'd mentioned it first.

Sounds more like she was wearing earrings that were too heavy. Generally piercings remain as the little holes.

I’d be upset. It’s just a bit sad to be excluded from stuff, no matter how minor in the big scheme of things.

Ooo. Kids weren’t allowed to wear earrings in our junior school. Every one went last day of Y6 as it gave them the summer to heal and they could wear studs on secondary.
But yes I would have talked about with the other parent.

What's a classy age to get your ears pierced?

10 is a common age to get it done. Usually in the summer holidays though.

Surely most people do swimming etc in the summer holidays? I have never understood why people think that's a good time to do it! We would be regularly swimming /paddleboarding/doing other sports

Are you the dad pissed off that your ex got your kids ears pierced?

DD got hers done at about the same age, at her own request. I didn't think to consult with or notify my ex. Her body, her choice.

Yes I think both parents should be on same page. Even a heads up text that they were taking dd to get it done.