Ear piercing. Should other parent be consulted?

[incogn1to]

I am separated. My STBX took DD (10) to get her ears pierced today. I was not consulted. Apparently we discussed it last year (when we were both in states of poor MH that led to our breakup).

I feel ex should have mentioned it to me first. I wouldn't have objected and they know that. What do you think?

They might be non binary.

Yes I think this person should have given you the heads up at the very least. They shouldn't be making unilateral decisions unless it's an emergency.

But that’s a separate issue - you object to the ear piercing in and of itself. OP doesn’t, and her ex knew that.

I think this depends on your coparenting relationship.

If you're doing everything and Ex is a bit of a Disney dad, then yes he should not just give you heads up, but ask you if it's okay. If you're going to have to deal with keeping them clean all the time, any issues with schools, etc. it's really not on for him to make a decision like that without your approval.

If he's a 50/50 co-parent (and really 50/50 not just half the nights at his house but he does none of the rest of it) and you hadn't previously expressed reservations or objections, I think it's fine. Not ideal, but not something to get annoyed about.

I suspect this poster is a man and the ex is a woman.
Although perhaps one or both of them are non binary. Not that it matters, they should communicate..

I don’t think gender is as relevant as where DD lives.

If she lives with you and ex did this and you have to deal with the aftercare - YANBU
If she lives with ex then it’s not really anything to do with you so YABU

If it’s 50-50 then a heads-up would have been nice but if you did already discuss and agree then honestly I’d let it go.

Sure.

Equally classy for both sexes.

If you say so. No-one else seems to be expressing that view and I certainly wouldn't dictate what my kids can and cannot do based on a single dated/snobby opinion

I think the thread has got sidetracked. I think I would be a bit annoyed at doing it now, especially if school are strict about piercings and will require the earrings to be taped over for PE. Also as others have said I think it depends on whether it will now be left to you to deal with the healing process or whether he will also be involved.
10 seems a normal age and similar to when I let my daughter get hers done. I would however also check how they were done. My daughter's were done with a gun which was a bad move, but as everyone else I knew had gone to the place we went to I thought it would be fine. A year later and hers still haven't healed and I have since been to a proper pierced for advice (who I wish I had gone to in the first place).

I definitely wouldn't be impressed with it being done without discussion, even I quick text saying 'planning on taking DD to X place for piercing this afternoon, that OK with you?'

DH is dead against our 2 getting their ears pierced until end of primary at least, I would be ok from about 8 years old ish, depending on maturity. Luckily neither (7 and 10) have ever said they want them done, so it hasn't needed to be discussed in depth, but I would never get it done without us both agreeing

I would be absolutely furious.

Losing the plot levels apeshit.

Over my cold dead body will my children have any piercings until we have talked it through at length and agreed.

I think the OP is the father who took the daughter to have her ears pierced

Her body, her choice?!! She's 10!

Of course there needs to be a discussion or at the very least a heads up.

Id be really annoyed. I would have wanted my child to wait until the summer holidays because now you have the annoyance of having to tape them up for school PE or being made to sit out of lessons.

I mean, this sort of reaction is unhinged. Its earrings - the vast majority of women who have their ears pieced are just fine.

Yes, both should discuss it. At 10, not all kids bother with aftercare without parental support, so it's important to know/plan in the unlikely event of problems after.

If the child wanted it, then no. I don't care who is the RP.