To wonder whether women know when their brothers treat their girlfriends badly?

[ThisLimeMoose]

Women with brothers who have treated their girlfriends or ex-girlfriends badly, did you know or suspect what your brother was really like in relationships?

Or did you automatically believe his version of events when the relationship ended, including anything negative he said about his ex?
Just wondering whether sisters tend to recognise these sides of their brothers or whether family loyalty influences how they see things.

I don't want to write too much but yes we see it. I hope one day they do as well.

I mean you couldn't say the same about women automatically believing their sister's version of events. I don't think it should be shock that people don't cut their siblings because they don't treat their partners well. That's just how families work.

Never known the full story, it's impossible to know everything. I suspected there were problems many years ago but there is not a lot that I can do.

This. There is only so much a Sister can do, as well. They cannot make the young girl/ Woman end the relationship.

Well couldnt it besaid both parties in a relationship can treat each other badly? Why is it assumed only the brothers are at fault?

I've always known my brother was an asshole so I have very little to do with him, dont believe a word he says and I used to have a lot of sympathy for his girlfriends because I knew he treated them badly. He's now with someone as bad as he is, she sent her 6 year old daughter off to live with her alcoholic grandmother, because my brother said he didn't like her. I think they deserve each other.

My sister in law always took her brother's side. He could murder someone and it would be the victims fault (same goes for mil)

Not my brother but my cousin who I was very close to. He used to come to me with all his woes. I was very aware I was only hearing his side, but even at that, his version was making him look like the bad guy. I kept telling him he was an arsehole and was going to lose her. She finally left after staying much longer than she should have. He's spent the last two years playing the broken hearted victim. I barely see him anymore cause his entire behaviour gave me the ick

My brother used to hit me so I knew he would do it to girlfriends too . The first one phoned my mum and told her that he was an animal and had beat her up. He claimed she was lying.

Hes an arsehole to this one. However shes just as physical with him. Hes married to her and no matter what he does she keeps taking him back. She wont listen to anyone telling her to leave him.

Their adult children dont even speak to either of them, thats how bad it is!

My brother has had multiple girlfriends before he got married.

some I never met, most I only knew he’d broken up with when a new one appeared at a family event.

If I had a brother or a son who abused women, I’d take care of it.
I won’t expand on that. But it would be taken care of.

Of course I did. He was a walking red flag but she liked him whilst he had money because they could get high together. Luckily she left as soon as that ran out.

Yes I did but what do you expect me to do?

Of course you would

Are you a man?

oh we see it, and i tell him,

I told his wife he is an asshole before they married, I told him point blank i wouldn't put up with the way he goes on (angry man).

I love him, i would walk over hot coals for him, but he is an asshole.

Nope. Just someone who wants to think she would protect her fellow women more than any bad man, blood relation or not. I’m an only child though… now 😏
On a completely unrelated note…got some lovely roses coming up in the backyard.
(I jest)

Yes and I am open about it, told my brother directly when he spoke about 'babysitting' his own children, have said to my brother and SIL many times that I wouldn't tolerate his 'inability' to cook a meal, clean the house, use the washing machine. Reiterated we were raised the same and my dad does all of those things. Ultimately I can't make her choices for her and I can't change his behaviour.

I've jokingly offered my sil an alibi should she need it. She's from a different European country which I don't ever wish to visit but I would, if she left my brother and took my nibblings . Luckily for him, she's a bit of a trad wife and wouldn't do it, even though she has an amazing family back home and their children are bilingual. I also suspect that he would let her take the children because her family have the means to financially support her so he wouldn't have to.

Another more sinister part, is she knows what a petty prick he would be if she left him but stayed in the country, so he would have to support them - he would 💯 go 50/50 even though he earns way more but she does more.

I love him but he's the worst in so many ways 🥺.

One of my brothers is an awful person who treats women horribly. Our parents can't see it, it's always the girlfriend's fault.

Did the other brother/s turn out ok? Always wonder how much of it is biology and how much is socialisation.

I know you are just blowing smoke up our bums, but your entire family would be ripped apart, your parents, your nieces and nephews etc - and who would you live with at the end of your sentence upon your release from prison? i haven't thought long and hard about this, honestly. 😉.

I have the opposite...my brother is in a relationship where his wife is highly abusive, emotionally, physically and financially. He won't hear a word said against her, and makes crazy excuses for the bruises etc.

While less common, it's not always the men who are doing the abusing.

I dont think there's one neat answer to this. In my brothers case it was ultimately down to addiction. But the drugs started in response to undiagnosed adhd and some very unhelpful parenting and (I'm fairly sure but only found out years later) sexual abuse by a third party. So classic self-medication. But he had many opportunities to seek help over the years which he turned down, and he made (and continued to make) bad choices. How do you apportion blame from all that?

not my brother but my BIL.I've seen it. H and I have helped several. We've rescued people from it and helped them flee. I've even warned people of it and been ignored. They were his next victims. Anyway, we are now NC with him so dont know whats happen anymore. Although, I dont doubt that its actually still happenj v to some poor woman.