To wonder whether women know when their brothers treat their girlfriends badly?

[ThisLimeMoose]

Women with brothers who have treated their girlfriends or ex-girlfriends badly, did you know or suspect what your brother was really like in relationships?

Or did you automatically believe his version of events when the relationship ended, including anything negative he said about his ex?
Just wondering whether sisters tend to recognise these sides of their brothers or whether family loyalty influences how they see things.

I think my brother is a tosser and can quite see why all his relationships failed. He's utterly self centred and can't be bothered to put himself out for girlfriends at all. He's now been single for years.

Having said that, he's still my brother and I've never discussed his relationships with him. I would assume that girls got sick of him and dumped him but we don't live near each other and I've never really known any of the gfs well enough to do other than make small talk on family occasions. I only met a couple of them.

I've neither asked nor been interested in why things failed, but have assumed it's because he's a selfish dick. Not my circus or my monkey.

I wouldn't take sides. If he's a twat then dump him would be my answer.

Well it’s well known that my brother is controlling and the SIL keeps calling me for their family problems I left my own marriage so I’ve asked her if that’s how she wants live forever? The decision is hers really

My BIL (married a long time so v like a brother) treats his fiancée absolutely terribly, we all know, but she is so determined to get married and so unwilling to admit to a broke engagement she will put up with it… I’ve told her countless times but she maintains it’s true love - both are v selfish in their own ways. You can’t always presume the women don’t see it

I'm speaking about more than one person here but I wouldn't say they mislead them as such. More like send mixed signals to people desperately seeking any signal that looks like commitment. If you were to push them on the ethics of this, they'd say quite truthfully that they often make it clear with their words that they arent looking to settle down. But there comes a point where you know the other person isn't okay with it despite what they say and then that becomes questionable.

I'll give one example, I don't think you should bring a woman to a family event like a BBQ, if you know you arent looking to settle down with her. It doesnt matter that she knows "the score". Most people will read that a particular way despite what words you might have said on another occasion.

I was in an abusive relationship with someone who had two sisters. One was lovely and I think she knew amd was really kind to me. The other sat one day infront of me saying how women who get abused and don’t leave are so weak and only have themselves to blame. She lived in the same house as him and 100% heard the abuse.

Oh he knows too, it’s not a secret really - his gf has rang him in tears countless times and he told her it wasn’t on and she shouldn’t put up with it etc, and then the next week she’d be crying to me cos they went away and he didn’t propose so at this stage we stay out of it tbh. After the last awful thing a few months ago he’s more or less stopped speaking to him, he’ll talk to him if they’re both in their parents house etc but wouldn’t ring him or go out with him

My brother was a complete and utter narcissist who was horrid to his partners.
But I saw through him. I was one of the few who did.

As far as I know my brother is a nice guy. If his wife said he was being abusive I wouldn’t know what to think. I wouldn’t automatically take his side but I would be surprised.
I don’t think we can really know unless they have shown signs of being controlling or aggressive in other situations.

Oops wrong thread!

I don’t see your cousins behaving terribly at all. They aren’t cheating. They just aren’t taking it as seriously as the other person.

I knew. I grew up with him. I knew about the violence and entitlement. I knew how he treated his mother. I knew what was playing out when I saw him interacting with his partners.
Time was when I challenged him on some of the things that I saw, and encouraged his wife to believe her instincts, but she stayed.
I don’t see them any more as I’ve been estranged by choice for years but the last message I got from her suggests that she has had an awful, lonely life with him.

They do cheat.

I have a brother (and a son) and I treat my knowledge of their relationships and any comments they make about an ex just like anyone elses, ie none of my business.

If a woman turned up saying he'd beaten her I'd sit up and take notice but apart from that its all he said, she said, especially as far as exs go.

Oh right. That should probably have been your headline then. Yes, twats. Total and utter twats.

Fathers?

Some. Not necessarily with the people they see now. As I said, they refuse to commit in a thousand different ways whilst sending mixed signals. They'd say it isnt cheating because they've said they aren't in a serious relationship but if it wasn't cheating, they'd have no trouble telling the women in advance that they're seeing other people.

I see it - and have tried to tell his partners in the past. They don’t listen.

my brother also knows what he is like and also tells the women - they don’t even listen to hin

I get you now

“terrible” is the right word. I wouldnt want them near

This, absolutely. My brother is a difficult character but what am I supposed to do? If you don't like his behaviour then end the relationship. I always think it's weird when people expect their in laws to intercede for them.

If I ever got a whiff that any of my brothers were misbehaving with their girlfriends/wives I’d come down on them like a tonne of bricks. And by misbehaving I mean cheating, violence, any form of abuse etc - not being a bit grumpy in the mornings on occasion. I don’t expect anyone to behave perfectly, but i’ll be damned if a brother of mine was treating a woman badly.

This sounds like making women responsible for men’s bad behaviour. Or are you expecting brothers to also police their brothers’ relationships.