Stressed mum and don’t want to see this mum

[Nicewsytoday]

I know other people are battling serious problems and I know for most this will be a non-issue but can someone help me with this issue:

really lovely mum I’ve met recently and our girls get a long so well. We have tried to meet beyond the school gates twice (once arranged by me and once by her) but problem is both times she has cancelled last minute. Now she’s trying to arrange a third time!

The issue is I get stressed quite easily so for example this morning my only day off I got the kids out of bed earlier plus woke up earlier myself, rushed breakfast, then rushed getting them out of the door plus driving and worrying I’ll be stuck in traffic so will be late (I have 2 different school drop offs so extra stress compared to the other mum). Snapping at my children to hurry up to then getting a text 10 minute before arranged meet up to cancel.

How can I put it nicely to her I don’t want to plan a third meet up? I only get every other Friday off and I work some weekends so this is 2 Fridays I’ve had to wake up earlier and stress for no reason. I’m thinking I just need to not see anyone for next few weeks as I’m so tired. Our girls can meet up in school and play and there’s no need for us to become friends but on the other hand I am lonely and don’t have many friends.

Just say hey I’m busy this week sorry

‘I’ve been very busy and so am trying to have some down time. Can we organise this again later in the year’.

1. arrange to meet a little later so you are not rushed after the school run.
2. plan to do something anyway even if she cancels so it doesn't matter so much.

It's SO annoying when people cancel like that. Flaky!

I'd give it one last try and if she cancels again then I wouldn't bother any more.

Sorry, I'm busy for the next few Fridays (ie kick the can down the road)

but on the other hand I am lonely and don’t have many friends.

So perhaps this is cutting your nose off to spite your face?

Don’t waste your day off on other people. Say you can meet her one day after pick-up - if/when it suits you.

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@TwinklyAmberSloth if im being entirely honest I am upset. Both times I made an effort with my appearance lol. I just feel jealous that I see other mums popping for coffee and lunch but I find it hard meeting people. I have not got time for hobbies or money so school run is my only place for connections

Read it again

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What are you talking about? SHE has cancelled BOTH times. I arranged the first meet up, she the second!

Oh sorry my error

Agree - arrange to meet later, and make the plan something convent and non stressful for you, and ideally something you and your Dd would be happy to do if they don’t show, eg play/y near your house. Then text her when you get up that day just saying “are you still on for today”? If you like her and your DD likes her DD and you’d all have fun if it happens, I’d give her one more chance.

I’m worried about a posters comprehension skills. Again I have not canceled. Even if I was dying I would have turned up as I never cancel anything.

Sorry op my bad

you are lonely and don’t have many friends

I would give it one more shot

invite her around for a coffee before pick up?

sorry! My error

Why don’t you have many friends? If you are lonely i wouldn’t rule this out just yet . One more chance

Yes this. You don't even have to elaborate on another day.

Thank you. Even today I’m so unwell but I made the effort to go. I feel so shit but for the sake of meeting a new person made the effort. I could have had a lie in and not woken up so early

I think I’ve isolated myself for so long then got busy with work and kids. I had a lot of trauma growing up so don’t know how to relate to people and be normal

In that case I would give this one more shot

I think the problem is not her cancelling (annoying though it is) but the fact that you feel you need to adjust your morning because of meeting her after drop of. You don't need to wake up early, or doll up, or rush with your kids. You do whatever you normally do and, if she cancels, it will be less of a problem. You should also set up a later time if you feel you are running late from doing school drop off. Or just run late, I am sure she won't care.

Just ask her to things your doing anyway and go anyway even if she doesnt shoe up, ie park, cinema, swimming.

It's really annoying when someone cancels. But I'm really confused about the getting kids up early and not having a lie in aspect.

You obviously take the kids to school every day, and then you were planning on meeting this lady after school drop off. So I don't understand why everyone had to get up earlier and what the stress was?

You were going to school and then meeting for coffee afterwards, so what is the additional stress about getting to school?

I would give her another chance tbh. Can you arrange to meet a bit later?

Why have you had to wake up earlier? Wouldn’t you have been taking the kids to school regardless?