Birthday party attendance due to hockey match

[imsoverytired82]

DD has a birthday party on Saturday invitations. And rsvps given out weeks ago.

earlier this week school spring a voluntary hockey match on the same day.

parents are contacting me saying their child wants to play in the match and they want to come to just the birthday tea

Aibu to tell them not to bother and to uninvite them given that they have volunteered to attend a hockey match when they’d already confirmed for a birthday party?

What type of party is it? If it’s like soft play then food you can’t just go for food!

If its at your house I’d consider pushing the time back

Depends what the party is, ie is it something you can move the time of to accommodate the game? Tbh I do think the parents are being rude and I’d not be impressed either but ultimately its your Dd that will miss out if her friends don’t turn up to her party.

I think you're being unreasonable. Fir most kids sport comes before parties. We teach kids that if you're part of a team, you commit to the team. So no missing training or matches without a good reason. It's unfortunate that this game has been sprung on them, but I can see why they want/feel they should play. If anything about your party is moveable, I would do that.

Does your kid want to uninvite them? It’s not about your preference.
Try and move the time of the party if you can

It’s paid for in advance.

dd is a bit upset and feels a bit rejected.

It’s not a team it was put out to all 30 girls as a voluntary match. The teams all play in the week.

What’s the party? Nothing that can be shifted?

I think it’s shocking behaviour really. If they said they’re coming they should come! But if it’s at all possible to shift the times I’d be tempted to avoid the drama. Otherwise yes, I’d just say (politely) that you’re sorry they can’t come and your daughter will miss them. No reason to encourage loads of people jumping in halfway though unless your daughter wants that.

f that. one or the other and dropping out due to a subsequent invitation is low scum bag behaviour (from the parents)

That’s shitty of them.

I really really get the temptation and I think they are unreasonable to even consider asking (I would have told my child sorry but you committed to this first).

However, ultimately I think you should let your DD decide. She might prefer to have them at the tea than not at all, or have a different suggestion.

They shouldn’t drop out of a party this late if it’s not something that obviously can’t be moved that’s just rude.

They choose. Party or sports event.

I disagree - sports do not come before everything else, they're a secondary consideration.

YANBU “we have a better offer than your party but we’ll come to be fed”

No way!

@imsoverytired82 how many have asked / dropped out?

Yes, I get the school might have had to switch things due to staffing etc, but the answer is, no, we've committed to Jai's party!

That’s shocking behaviour and I don’t agree with the poster saying “sport come first”. It’s very rude to say you’re coming to the party and change their mind (because something toss comes up - unless it’s illness or an emergency). Your DD is upset and rightly so.

I wouldn’t let them attend half way through as it will be disruptive. I’d be tempted to tell them that DD is upset and you’ve already paid £x for their place. Perhaps try to shame them into doing the right thing.

Can you change the booking at all to a slightly different time or even a different day?

I’d be tempted to contact the school to say you’re disappointed with them for organising something without notice and it’s having an adverse impact on DD’s party.

Tell them to get stuffed

Absolute CF!

If you accept an invitation, you honour that invitation unless unwell/family crisis. You don;t drop out because a better offer comes along, it's the height of bad manners.
I'd be as annoyed as you are OP, and like you would want to uninvite them. But ultimately let your DD decide, are there any other friends/ family members who could fill the spaces if you uninvite?

If they do come, I'd be inclined to give them a minimal tea (one small muffin and a drink of squash), and no party bag !! - but I'm mean😁

How old is dd?

Yeah it'd be an absolute no from me.
We'd rather do the hockey than attend your event that we already accepted an invitation to but happy for you to feed us? Nah, off you fuck.

Where is the party?
Good manners would dictate that parents stick to the original agreement but as that doesn’t seem to be happening here, how many children are we talking about who would miss it or come late?
is there a possibility of pushing timing bac? Depending on what you have paid for?
yes, it’s not ideal but it may be all you can do other than invite g others in their place.

She’s going to be 13

Beyond rude. They'd be getting a mouth full from me haha