Birthday party attendance due to hockey match

[imsoverytired82]

DD has a birthday party on Saturday invitations. And rsvps given out weeks ago.

earlier this week school spring a voluntary hockey match on the same day.

parents are contacting me saying their child wants to play in the match and they want to come to just the birthday tea

Aibu to tell them not to bother and to uninvite them given that they have volunteered to attend a hockey match when they’d already confirmed for a birthday party?

I’d bollock school too, obviously they aren't in control of what the kids do but might make them think twice before throwing surprise events again and fucking up people's (already paid for) plans.

then you would be absolutely batshit. This wins the most stupid comment of the day award so far.

I think it’s in your dds interest to look at the wider picture here op. They accepted a party invite, then decided to play hockey instead. Leaving aside the rudeness (of course it is), are they actually her friends? I don’t think many people would choose a hockey match over an actual friends party.

I understand it’s upsetting for your dd, but sport is a big thing in dd school and the girls in her school love hockey and it’s very competitive to get a spot on a team, and they expect commitment. Does your dd play hockey?
if you can’t move the party later then I’d try and get a sense of how many people are impacted by the game and then make a decision on numbers for the activity. I would still let people come later, because my dd would want them there even if it’s for a shorter while.

They are pre-teens/early teens, they will follow the majority to not be left out. It is sad for your daughter but what is the activity you’ve booked, is it something these girls would normally be excited about or did they all just rsvp because nothing else was on? It sounds harsh but at 12/13 girls seem to start sorting themselves into tribes and parties seem to die down a lot. My DD and her friends exchange cards but no one is having parties this year. They are learning the ebb and flow of relationships at that age and may well make mistakes which hurt others. Try not to take it personally or exact retribution but remind your daughter that these friends are not as loyal as you’d like and so she should keep her options open for new friends if the opportunity arises.

But this is a 13 year old girl who is going to have to see her now ex friends every day and handle the fall out from a decision her mother made on her behalf. It's not fair to cut her off for mum's principles. Sure the mum can talk to her about options now the girls aren't coming, but this has to be her choice, not her mum's.

Whilst I would be very tempted to say no, the girls come for the whole party or not at all, I would worry about the impact it would have on dd if she then has a tiny party and feels upset and embarrassed.

what is the party? Can the time be moved? Are there enough kids coming who aren’t playing hockey? Is it non refundable? How many have cancelled?

I think I would go with this. It’s really unfortunate but nothing can be done. If you say no, then you might get much more kids not coming as there’s now a reason to get out of it.

@imsoverytired82 You still haven't answered if the party is at home or if you have rented something? For me it wouldn't make any difference. DS was gutted because a good friend invited him to a super kart paint ball party the same day he was invited to a less close friend's party at home. He understood why he would just have to decline the second invitation; it's about respect.

If it is at your home- can you change time/date?