Long time lurker, first time poster. I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years and we have two young kids, 6 and 3. I’d say our sex life really comes and goes depending on stress, life and just general desire. We’ve had patches where we’ve not had sex for a few months, which always makes me quite worried. We have been better at making more an effort recently (still only like once or twice a month), but it’s hard when you’re just knackered from kids and work and the mental load etc etc.
my issue is I still feel like when we have sex is really down to him, and increasingly his “when” is in the middle of the night. This happened on Sunday night when he woke me up making moves at 1am when he knew I was fast asleep and had to get up at 6am for school run, a really stressful workday, bla bla. If I try and resist he will persist for a bit but gets the message and will leave me alone if I ask, but sometimes I do relent as I feel like I should try even though I’m exhausted as it’s bad if I’m always saying no, especially as it’s me saying we need to make more effort to have more intimate time, just wish he would try it on at a normal time when I’m actually fully conscious! He falls straight to sleep after and then I’m left awake going through my mental to do list.
i’m aware our sex life could be better, and I’m probably quite vanilla, but surely this isn’t great either? Honestly, sometimes a vibrator is so much easier!!
he is generally a very good guy and very much a feminist. But still, I’m not mad keen on these middle of the night sexy wakeups.