Never stayed away from home - too soon for a 2-night camp?

[DandelionDoodle]

My son’s Beaver leader is organising a two-night camp around 2 hours away and I’m really struggling with the idea of him going.

He’s nearly 8 and has never stayed away from home without me or his dad present, not even at his grandparents’ house. As he’s always had sleep issues. Until fairly recently although we still have a consistent routine that we stick to every night.

The camp is around two hours away, in woodland, and the thought of him being that far from home is honestly making me feel sick with worry.

I do have quite a lot of anxiety and I’m fully aware some people would probably call me a helicopter parent. However, my DS is also on the waiting list for autism and ADHD assessments. In some ways he’s very young for his age and still needs quite a bit of support and prompting with everyday things, although physically he’s one of the tallest children in his class and one of the oldest. He occasionally still wets the bed and needs prompting to get dressed and ready in the mornings, he’s very much in his own world and doesn’t always follow instructions clearly. He puts inedible things in his mouth sometimes too.

Part of me thinks it would be a great experience and good for his independence, but another part of me thinks a two-night camp, so far from home, is a huge first step for a child who has never spent a night away without us.

Would you let your nearly 8-year-old go in these circumstances? Has anyone else’s
ND child done something similar?

Of course I would but we made sure our child stayed with grandparents so they can do things like camps and be fine, maybe they will surprise you maybe the separation anxiety is something you need to deal with yourself

If the plan is to stick with scouting there will be plenty more opportunities for camps, it isnt this one or never. It sounds like you don't think he's ready and that's fine. He's 7, he wont be the only one not going and alot can change in a year. Maybe he will be ready when the first cub camp comes around.

When is it? How much time do you have to prepare him?

So I have ND twins who are older now but when they were invited on a 2 day cub camp first year of cubs so maybe 8 or 9 they went for 1 night and I stayed nearby. They were fine but we're done by one night. We have built up from there though and did 2 nights the following year and 3 for their Y6 residential. Have a chat with the leaders and see what they suggest

What does DS think about it?

Ask to go as a volunteer?
We have a few kids with additional needs in beavers/cubs and if the child wants to stay over the parent comes too as a general support.

Usually the child is fine, exhausted by the day & excited to be with their friends. But if that's not the case at least you're in the background to manage the issue.

Please don't helicopter over him at camp if you do go though, as it will ruin the experience for him & others

If they wanted to go, I would let them. Gently, it sounds as though the barrier is more about your anxiety than anything.

presumably there’s been other camps as beavers take kids from 5 3/4 & usually do an overnight close to home for younger ones. Sounds like they’re preparing kids for moving to cubs where they’ll be expected to be able for 2 nights away.

you need to start with a night away at grandparents & go from there

I would let him go if he wants to go. We had similar with my children as they had never had a sleepover anywhere (not everyone has grandparents who are willing or able to host sleepovers). It was absolutely fine and they’re both a lot more used to staying away from home.

He sounds like a pretty standard Beaver Scout.

I’d encourage him to go, aim to make it work. Keep yourself available to pick him up part way through if needed. Dont do that thing where you go wild and go away and get drunk.

There is no way I would send a kid with this profile on a residential. For his sake and the leaders’.

I think beavers is quite young for a camp away. Our beavers do a 24 hour sleep over at the lodge/hall. They don’t do overnight camps until cubs.

DD (8) had never spent a night without us, we don't have family who are an option for childcare so brownie camp was the first time. She was 7, it was 2 nights, she had a whale of a time.
If you're really unsure could one of you go along as a parent volunteer?

Does he want to go?
Can you attend as a volunteer?
I joined Guides as a volunteer partly so I could enable my ASD child to go on camps..

I'm a cub scouter (8-10 year olds). We've just come back from a two night camp and several who have just moved up from beavers came. At least half of our cubs have ADHD or autism diagnoses. I have only had one child so far over several camps I have had to send home as too upset. All others have been ok after a little reassurance and enjoyed their camp. We wear them out that they are really ready to sleep. I suspect he will be fine. But as said above it is usually possible to go as a parent volunteer if you think he needs support.

I wouldn't send him. You should have practiced sleepovers before now with a trusted adult, like one of your own parents. I wouldn't send him off for 2 nights now to somewhere unknown.

I am sorry but you have bigger things to sort.

The bed wetting. Have you got medical support as it could be a hormone problem. Not listening and putting things in mouth.

Mine did beavers about 6 year old. One night. Perfect length of time and all had a fab time and came home filthy as they should

But with all of the things I would sort the things first

How does he feel about going? Your post is all about your anxiety. My kids all had a residential trip in year 2 so did go away earlier than 8.

I wouldn’t send him unless he really wants to go. But you should really consider getting him used to this with grandparents or other trusted family members. It will be really good for both of you to go through this and he really might surprise you. I fully understand your worries, I have an autistic son who struggles with certain things more than other kids his age. But you have to be very careful not to limit his world and to offer him opportunities to get these kinds of experiences. You are not doing him a favour by avoiding him being in any sort of discomfort or unfamiliar situation. Start small and start closer to home with people you trust.

8 yo will do fine with friends and leaders. He should go and have fun.

You haven't said whether your child wants to go or not.
If he wants to go then I would let him.
My son was fine going to camp with beavers but as he has got older he won't go! He is now in scouts and misses out on things and getting badges because a lot happens on the camp and they tick a lot of boxes.
The leaders are usually quite understanding if you explain to them your concerns, plus also if he is awaiting a diagnosis it's likely they already notice traits at the normal beavers sessions.

Maybe sleep in tent with him in back yard.

Have his Dad qualify as work with children and volunteer as a parent helper for the camp. Another use for your own two man tent.

I would start getting him to spend the night at grandparents.
Help him take more responsibility for his own routines.
Let him go if he wants to.

What does he want to do?

If he wants to go I would let him and be on standby to pick him up early if necessary.