Never stayed away from home - too soon for a 2-night camp?

[DandelionDoodle]

My son’s Beaver leader is organising a two-night camp around 2 hours away and I’m really struggling with the idea of him going.

He’s nearly 8 and has never stayed away from home without me or his dad present, not even at his grandparents’ house. As he’s always had sleep issues. Until fairly recently although we still have a consistent routine that we stick to every night.

The camp is around two hours away, in woodland, and the thought of him being that far from home is honestly making me feel sick with worry.

I do have quite a lot of anxiety and I’m fully aware some people would probably call me a helicopter parent. However, my DS is also on the waiting list for autism and ADHD assessments. In some ways he’s very young for his age and still needs quite a bit of support and prompting with everyday things, although physically he’s one of the tallest children in his class and one of the oldest. He occasionally still wets the bed and needs prompting to get dressed and ready in the mornings, he’s very much in his own world and doesn’t always follow instructions clearly. He puts inedible things in his mouth sometimes too.

Part of me thinks it would be a great experience and good for his independence, but another part of me thinks a two-night camp, so far from home, is a huge first step for a child who has never spent a night away without us.

Would you let your nearly 8-year-old go in these circumstances? Has anyone else’s
ND child done something similar?

This

and as they go into yr 5 they have a night away usually and year 6 the 4 night residential

as he wants to go let him

don’t be the parent stopping him

could he have a sleepover this weekend with granny

if it makes you feel better and it’s possible cost wise /other kids to consider - can you stay local to the camp in a prem inn etc so if have to collect you are there

but don’t tell him that

he’s with friends he should be fine

maybe get some large pull ups so he doesn’t wet the bed there

Then it would he a yes from me.

He wants to go, and any problems he encounters he will overcome and build confidence for managing them, even if things don't go well.

I let DC go for a camping thing last year. DC had an accident, got changed and stuffed the clothes at the bottom of the sleeping bag. Was it how I would have handled it? No, but DC handled it as well as I could have hoped for and no harm done. Good but of self-reliance.

Ultimately there comes a point where you have to be the swan and show then that you trust they will be ok and have total faith in them (even if we spend the whole time worrying!)

I should also have added that nowadays most Leaders in Scouting have dealt with various kinds of SENs and are good at making adaptations (whether diagnosed or not) based on individual needs. So talking to them could help both with trips and also broader involvement at weekly meetings etc.

If he wants to go, I would let him. And I would be ready to drive and pick him up if he needs it.

Most beavers haven't been away except for GPs when they camp. We always used to suggest bringing teddies and plenty did. They will be busy during the day and very tired. Having said that I thought beavers was only ever one night? Certainly we never did more than 1

The difficult thing is you don't know until you send him whether he will be OK or not. DD1 did her first night away just turned 6 with Rainbows, absolutely loved it and couldn't wait to go again.

DD2 aged 7 just did one, apparently she was up all night and couldn't sleep and kept running around. She is awaiting ADHD assessment, but sleeps really well at home. I think the amount going on just over stimulated her and she couldn't settle. I won't be sending her again for a while as it's not fair on the leaders and the other children, but I couldn't have known that in advance.

I would suggest having a really honest chat with the leaders, offering to help or to get a B and B locally. One child did this at my daughters camp - she needed overnight adult supervision due to uncontrolled diabetes so came for the day, went back with her mum about 9pm, and then back again 7am for the next day.

Could you or dad stay nearby?

If you are worried could you offer to help as a volunteer so you are there, or book a hotel/b&b nearby for a couple of nights and let him know you are nearby if he wants to leave? When is it do you have time you could prepare him for it by havong sleepovers with family or even do a little family camping so he cant see what its like?

After watching the Netflix (?) documentary exposing the high level of sexual abuse carried out on American scout trips, there's 0% chance my son would be attending

It’s in December - so we have time. I might see if he can stay at grandparents overnight in November. Not quite the same but at least it’s a start.

Didn’t even think about sexual abuse! He goes once a week to beavers and the leaders all seem fine, I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

Does he want to go?

If he does, then I'd support him going.

Ds was very much a home bod. He didn't want to stay away, despite both the older girls doing that from a much younger age.
They did a 2 night away with school in year 4, and I mentioned this to him, and he did say he wanted to go - a year in advance.

The girls had always done a week camp with a group from age 8yo that they loved. So I suggested he did this. It was a small group, and we knew the leaders well.
Coming up to it, he wasn't quite so keen. I have a photo of him just before he left, and he's pale and very inward iykwim. I half expected a phone call after a couple of days. Well, other than he broke his wrist there and no one noticed (we've found he has a ridiculously high pain threshold and a tendency to hide injuries, this wasn't the last time...) he came back happy and wanted to go again. (and did then go every year after that)
It wasn't so much about the camp, so much as it gave him confidence. When he came to the school residential he bounced off no problem (even if he did come back with neurovirus... there seems to be a theme here😁 )

I did, she was 8, and her younger 6 year old sister went too. I didn’t really give them an option as I was working and the 5 day 4 night camp was needed childcare but at a bargain price. Dd1 wore a pull up because she wasn’t reliably dry and the leader (not beavers) gave her her meds though she was ok at remembering and dd2 was on the ball re her dsis from very young. Speak to the leader first, explain the potential issues and ask if they are okay with him going

@tealpanda49 the laws are a lot stricter in the U.K. we learned from past mistakes

Unfortunately abuse in the past was happening across lots places - churchs, schools, youth groups, Scouts, sports teams etc, processes have been put into place that helps to protect the children from abuse as well as the adults from allegations. Across the board now - schools, healthcare, youth groups, it is a complete no-no to be alone 1-1 with a young person.

as a simple statistic, “around a quarter to a third of child sexual abuse involves a family member” is reasonably supported by UK evidenc compare to 9.7% of contact child sexual abuse was perpetrated by someone in a position of trust or authority

So actually your family members are a greater risk...

He puts inedible things in his mouth sometimes too.

I'm 43 and still do that. If thats a sign of immaturity I'm properly screwed!

The UK scouts is very careful about safeguarding. Everyone staying overnight at camp has to have a DBS check. The adults use separate toilets from the children. If they have to go into the children's toilets, tent or dorm, they always do so in pairs, and they check whether the children are dressed before going in, etc.

Of course there are always people who break the law and the rules, but I believe the safeguards are in place because I've witnessed them first hand at camps.

Agree with this. Everyone is talking about doing a sleepover with family first. Definitely a higher safeguarding risk (statistically).

If he wants to go, let him go. Talk to the leaders first about your concerns, and between you come up with coping strategies, but I'm sure they'll have come across most of the issues before. As a cub leader, who has also taken beavers on camps, I find that the children, on the whole, cope so much better than their parents expect them to. Yes, there are sometimes a few tears at bedtime, but that only lasts a few minutes, and are usually easily settled, compared to a whole weekend of fun.

I appreciate that you are anxious, but please don't let your anxiety stop your child from doing things that he wants to, and that many, many 7 year olds do. If he felt he wasn't ready then that's one thing, but as he wants to go, and the concerns you have are nothing that the leaders won't have heard before, I'd let him go.

If you want to, stay in a b&b nearby, but please don't let him know you are doing this. It will just mean that you can get there quickly if need be, but I bet he'll have an absolute ball.

I think it’s my anxiety for the most part. I really struggle with intrusive thoughts and regular catastrophising. Even thinking about the journey there on the motorway in a mini bus is causing me palpitations. Especially as it’ll be December so possibly bad weather conditions.

Have you sought professional help for your anxiety? CBT can be very helpful. You can usually self-refer for it on the NHS (you can in my area). Definitely look into it and talk to your GP if you haven't yet done so.

i wasn’t sure how to vote.

if he’s not stayed anywhere before two nights hours away is too much.

My son has ADHD and Autism, we didn't know when he went on school trips when he was much younger. On reflection it really suited him, he fell in line to what he was told to do by teachers and he had a great time. I don't think getting up was a problem because he was sharing a room with 5 other boys, doubtful they got much sleep at all.

I'm a squirrel leader so handle kids even younger (I don't do overnights or camps with them though) but have previously been a Brownie leader so some experience of this age group.

The bedwetting wouldn't normally bother me but the prompting to have to do the basics would. We can't physically help a child if they've wet themselves for safeguarding. They need to be able to change themselves into dry clothes, if your child can't do that independently then I'd worry about hygiene. Also putting items in mouth that aren't edible is extremely risky when in the middle of a field.

Personally I'd be speaking with the leaders and getting yourself DBS checked for the time away. It might be that he needs to have 1 on 1 this time to see how he goes. Every leader reacts in different ways, some risk assess the hell of it others are more cautious.

To add I have allowed my just turned 7 year old to go away on camp. However she is NT and it was only half hour down the road. It is normal to worry, hell I did and I did 10 years of taking Brownies away all over the country (brave parents letting us do it) but yet when it's your own child it's different and I get that.