Who did you name as guardians for your children in your will?

[PinkPonyAnonymous]

Sorry, this is a bit of a depressing one. We were updating our will and were faced with naming someone to care for our children in the event they are orphaned.

I understand that this isn’t always followed but I’m struggling to make peace with who we should name. Between us we have only one sibling with children. All other siblings live comfortable child free lifestyles and we are certain they would not want to be named.

The trouble with the one sibling is they live about as far away as possible, without being abroad. Their life is as good as foreign to our children. I don’t like their home or the area they live in, and don’t think our children would fit into their home anyway.

All grandparents are still alive and well, but who’s to say that will be the same in 18 years time.

I wondered if you might be happy to share who you have named? Or who was named for your children in the past?

Only one sibling between us so with their agreement we put them. No children of their own but very involved with their nieces and nephews.

It is very difficult. I had to get quite sharp with DH about this and point out we don’t have a childless sibling living locally who would gladly take them in, and that whoever we identify is not ideal. I have named a friend of mine. In many ways not ideal - she can’t drive, has a DD the same age as my DS and is in a rocky relationship, but she’s very much ‘best of a bad bunch.’

In your position I’d name grandparents.

We named some friends who have similar values to us in terms of parenting. They put us down for their children too. We have no family members we would want to care for our kids.

My parents until my youngest sister turned 21, now she is an adult, its her. She is 25 now, doesnt want kids but very involved aunt.

I've still not written a will because I can't make my mind up about this either. I'm now just hoping we don't both die at the same time before the kids are adults

It will be my mother in law. There's noone else currently who would be safe, has the same key values and has the capacity. However it would be very much on the basis that she would intervene if the worst happened and work to make a plan with family. At that point someone may be in the right position to help

we would have my sister. Problem is that she's in over her head with her own

DB and DSIL - as worried GP were too elderly and other relatives too far away geographically
We also had insurance that would allow DB or DSIL to not work and set up a trust fund with 2 other independent friends/family members to ensure decision making was fair
None of it was needed thankfully and DC are now adults and will updated to reflect this

We updated wills as needed through the years, you can name grandparents now and reassess in 5 years.
Our eldest son is now guardian of our youngest. We have an executor to help them financially (BIL) it’s a relief that dd will be 18 year and we have both survived! It’s a grim job but hopefully guardians won’t be needed.

I need to do this. My DH is an only child. I have a sibling but they have severe learning difficulties and wouldn’t be able to look after my child. I was planning on naming a friend should the worst happen.

Out of interest to those who have named a guardian in the will - have you added any financial provisions for raising the child? So whilst I’d leave my house and savings to my child they wouldn’t be able to have access to all the money whilst they’re a child so does the guardian hold it in trust and can use it as an allowance towards raising the child?

You can name more than one person /couple - You can name people to act as backups. You should also speak to the people involved to make sure they agree to be guardians before naming them in your will.

We've named a sister. She lives abroad currently. She agreed to move back to the UK and live in our family home, she wouldn't need to cover any housing costs and we have made provision in the will to cover her relocation expenses. Our estate would be hers to manage in trust for our DC.

We didn’t write our wills until very recently at 50, so our children are grown.

But if we had, we would’ve named our closest friends as guardians. They made their wills 20 years ago and we were named guardians to their kids.

We haven't named my parents or my husband's Dad as guardian for our son, due to their ages. We have named my sister-in-law (husband's sister) and also as a secondary person my other sister-in-law (my husband's other sister). I'm an only child. My husband's brother has 4 children himself, so it wouldn't be fair to name him. I have a cousin we could have added if we'd been desperate but he has 3 children himself and lives a good 70 miles away from us.

It's not an easy decision, especially if you feel there's no one really suitable.

Sibling who I know we can trust to raise our kids as we would like, and who would out them 1st and who is trustworthy when it comes to the money the kids would inherit.
Other sibs are abroad so a less good option.
Close friends asked US to be the guardians for their kids, as their family options aren’t great for various reasons and we said yes.

my eldest sister, DH's sister and my middle sister in that order. Happily DS2 is now 16 so we hopefully won't need this

My husband has an adult niece who is brilliant, and she has a son a year younger than our son. We asked her and she agreed to be the guardian.

Choose the person you trust to make the best decisions for your dc. That's what I did.

My parents.

Why does it have to be a relative? We were named as guardians for friends' daughter, even though one of them had a sibling. They asked us because they thought we would bring up the child in the way most similar to them/their wishes. Surely you want people with shared values, standards, educational levels?

PILs. Logically best choice.
Our wills say explicitly BIL and wife cannot have autbority over our childten. Their wills name us (for their minor children). It would cause ructions if known, but PILs agree.

(It relates to BILs eldest child, who is now 19. We dont agree with parenting decisions made for her)

My brother is financial guardian.

What happens if you are separated (not me) and your ex is a flake, financially unreliable, and your DC only see him twice a month? And it’s been that way for years. Can you name someone else or does he get automatic custody?

He would get custody (unless he gave it up maybe)

Did you not choose godparents for your children when born?
We did, not a relative, but someone we trusted to care for the children.

My brother and DHs brother are our named in our will to decide who will be best placed to look after them.

My brother & his wife. They already have 4 DC and it would be incredibly hard for them to add our high needs ND DC to their family, but DH's childless sister who has no relationship with the DC would have been a far worse option.