Who did you name as guardians for your children in your will?

[PinkPonyAnonymous]

Sorry, this is a bit of a depressing one. We were updating our will and were faced with naming someone to care for our children in the event they are orphaned.

I understand that this isn’t always followed but I’m struggling to make peace with who we should name. Between us we have only one sibling with children. All other siblings live comfortable child free lifestyles and we are certain they would not want to be named.

The trouble with the one sibling is they live about as far away as possible, without being abroad. Their life is as good as foreign to our children. I don’t like their home or the area they live in, and don’t think our children would fit into their home anyway.

All grandparents are still alive and well, but who’s to say that will be the same in 18 years time.

I wondered if you might be happy to share who you have named? Or who was named for your children in the past?

From what I understand, your wishes would be considered but not necessarily adhered to after your death anyway. The decision would be made based on what was deemed in the children's best interests. How old are your children?

You can choose Grandparents for now and reassess every 5 years or so.

We named the family members we thought best to care for our children in our wills but didn’t actually tell anyone, it was very unlikely to have to be enacted so we avoided the inevitable war thst would have emerged had anyone known.

The kids are adults now so the point is happily moot.

We trusted a god parent 15years ago.

But not now. Not 10os ago.

People change.

My best friend. She had a similar parenting style. Also we don’t live in the same country as our siblings so didn’t want our kids to have to uproot.

I was the guardian for a friend. She was extremely ill and her sister, who had been the guardian, came to stay and she saw that her sister was dreadful around the kids, so then asked me to be the guardian instead as her kids loved being in my house. Financially, her life insurance and proceeds from her house would be held in a trust with money available for me to use for her kids needs. Thankfully everyone grown up now!

Kids godfather. I have 2 siblings and my husband has 3.

Put parents down for now but note that family should discuss if the situation occurs. Its not likely all the time there’s two of you

I suppose I'd probably put my eldest daughter now, she's 20 and my other kids are 17, 15 and 6. My parents are in their mid 70s and as much as they're still fit and active I don't think they'd be able to take on our 6yo. I could also consider my sister but she lives 3 hours away. I don't have a will though.

I run myself ragged about all of this afew years ago (DH is more in the 'don't worry about serious things unless they actually happen' camp) but too late then in this sort of scenario isn't it!

I went through pros and cons for ages for different family and friends.....there seemed to be drawbacks with everyone! Grandparents were out as my dad was elderly and needing alot of care from my mum/has now passed away, and my mum is our 70s and couldn't cope with our high/additional needs and demanding young children! I had no siblings.We don't speak to inlaws now- they were fairly crap parents to DH and are generally toxic and selfish narcissistic sort of people. DH has 3 siblings but 1 isn't stable or protective enough, 1 we don't speak to so we chose the other and their partner who are the best match out of everyone we know i think.They have a decent sized house, only 2 children who are abit older, and are decent, stable people.They don't live particularly nearby or have an especially close relationship with our kids though, and they also live near and do see the toxic inlaws (although not in their pockets or anything, and do recognise their flaws) So it's not perfect, but just chose the best option and hope it's never needed.

We have lots of friends but they either have kids of their own and no additional capacity or space for any more, or don't have kids and probably wouldn't be keen or have the skills or space to be taking on 3 at once (would hate for them to get split up)

Its horrible to think about, and scares me so much to be honest as we aren't in a situation where they have a network of close by relatives they see very often and are very emotionally close to, only me & DH really, and somewhat my mum.Especially with our eldest being autistic and needing additional care and our youngest is still a baby.They are all hard work and very demanding and needy of us both.

Finances provision wise, we have good life insurance.

My brother named me and I named my sister, felt like my sil although lovely may feel resentful, anyhow mine are all late 20s now so passed the point thank god x

We didn’t name anyone. There wasn’t anyone really suitable and we couldn’t agree on a compromise. Realistically, the chances of us both dying at the same time are fairly slim, and Social Services will get involved if necessary, so we decided there wasn’t any point carrying on arguing about it.

Sadly a dear friend of mine chose godparents based on their shared faith and moral beliefs, a lovely person who would be a great guide to the children. Unfortunately the godparent wasn’t in a position to actually be able to take in the child when my friend died. The family ultimately did a brilliant job of stepping in.

Sadly I think a traditional godparent isn’t necessarily expecting the worst case scenario of having to step in as an actual parent.

I do think that person changes depending on whether the child is pre-school, school age or teenager, so you probably need to change things as the needs of your child change.

I thought that’s the way it would be. A friend wants to name me. Her children would be horribly affected if their mum died and they had to go to their father.

My children are now grown, but we had my brother and sil who are also their godparents. They were more than happy with this and we were named for their children. Money was to be put into trust and my brother would receive monthly payments to help support them any extra monies needed could be drawn from the capital but would need my other 2 brothers to counter sign, the same arrangement was set up for his children too.

my grandchildren- we are named as primary carers for as long as we can with the support of my eldest son and DIL, tbh I think this will change in the next year or two with my son and DIL being primary carers and me and DH supporting purely because we are getting older and my son and DIL can’t have children and dote on their nieces and nephews so it makes more sense. At the moment my son and DIL (their parents) don’t have much to leave them just the sale of the house which I assume will be just held in trust until they come of age.

its difficult decision to make, but in your case I would chose grandparents if they are of an age they could cope.

We had my brother as he was local, we are best mates and was financially/emotionally in a good position. I am close with my other brother but he was two hours away and in a rubbish marriage for a number of years.

Dh was low contact with his family and they lived hours away. My parents were getting on in years, and we are NC with my third brother.

DD an adult now.

My parents.

My sister and BIL. Were chosen for our DD.
DH has 2 siblings, his brother is a selfish fucker and sister is not a nice person.
Luckily our DD has grown up now.
We had included property to be sold or rented out to cover costs

We named my parents who were in their 40s when eldest child was born. By the time youngest is 18 they will still not yet be 75.

We have enough life insurance in place that they won't have to do a lot of actual hands-on care, and could employ nannies, cleaners, gardeners etc. They will move into our house to raise the children.

My sister and her husband, and they have named us. We have similar parenting styles and the cousins get on well.

DH has a lovely brother but he lives in another country.

We named grandparents originally but now it’s 5 years later and we have a second child so they wouldn’t be able to handle it. I have put my sibling and his partner.

In 18 years time your kids will be adults so why is that relevant? Isn't the guardianship only during childhood?

Parents until my eldest turned 21 she asked to be named . I have a sibling but she lives far away away and dh has a sibling but they have two kids and we don’t really agree with their parenting style.

I am child free by choice but I like kids. If my brother asked me, I would say yes. I would ask whichever sibling you think would do the job best and see if they agree.

That’s not what godparents are for. You need to put this in your will for it to be considered.

I put my sister as she has 2 similar aged kids, has the same parenting outlook as me and is a lovely caring person. In return I would take her children and we’ve discussed what we would want to happen if it ever reached that point.

You should ask the childless siblings before assuming. DH and I are that couple living a very adult childfree life and have decided no DC of our own but we are involved in the lives of a fair few small children and would take on our nephews/the children of a close friend in a tragic situation like a shot!