Who did you name as guardians for your children in your will?

[PinkPonyAnonymous]

Sorry, this is a bit of a depressing one. We were updating our will and were faced with naming someone to care for our children in the event they are orphaned.

I understand that this isn’t always followed but I’m struggling to make peace with who we should name. Between us we have only one sibling with children. All other siblings live comfortable child free lifestyles and we are certain they would not want to be named.

The trouble with the one sibling is they live about as far away as possible, without being abroad. Their life is as good as foreign to our children. I don’t like their home or the area they live in, and don’t think our children would fit into their home anyway.

All grandparents are still alive and well, but who’s to say that will be the same in 18 years time.

I wondered if you might be happy to share who you have named? Or who was named for your children in the past?

My sister but we are very close and have the same ideas and lifestyles and live close to each other and the kids all get along.

we also have an auntie who was our mums much younger sister she is 62 (20 year gap, we have lost our mum) and although she still works full time she lives locally and sees us and has said she would step in if we needed her too.

if I didn’t have family or family I was close too I have no idea!

My sister, we are super close and I trust her.

I was the child in this situation, family all lived in another country and it would have been like dropping us on another planet, completely different way of life on the other side of the world. My parent asked their best friends, who said yes, and then asked us kids if we would be happy to live with them if the situation came about. Luckily it didn’t

As long as the grandparents are in good health I’d go for them. My mum would have had dd when she was younger. The alternative would be my best friend.

Not written one, but not planning on naming anyone. My in-laws would be obvious, as they live in same village, but they are late 70s and not ideal. I have a very lovely brother and sister in law (who have an only child, wanted more but didn't happen), but they are three hours away and I think DC would rather stay in current schools and with friends. My brother and his wife have four kids already and I think the 10 year old wouldn't like the chaos. I figured they could sort it out between them if it ever happens. DC are 14 and 10. Things change all the time, and I don't want it to be set by us. At the moment I'd say in-laws as DC are so settled in their schools. My brother is half an hour away. However if one of the in-laws has dementia or something it might be different. They can all decide between them.

Hardly anyone I know has had their kids christened plus being a God parent is not a legally binding contract!

surely 18 years time, the kids wont be kidS so Grandparents for now

Im a godmother but i didn’t agree to be anyone’s legal guardian when those kids werw born. No way

My eldest sister and my niece. Both competent, educated loving mums who are honest to the core.

My ex is too selfish, thoughtless and inconsiderate to be left with the care of a child.

Thankfully ds is now 18, so they have moved from being guardians to being trustees of my estate, if I get run over by a bus. DS will inherit outright when he turns 30, if I am no longer around.

I set it that late so any money could be spent on his education and providing him with a home, without ex being able to influence him before he is fully independent.

I was and am guardian for their dcs.

Very difficult.
As soon as my eldest turned 18 I named her. Not that I would want her to stop what she was doing and look after her siblings. But I would want them (her) to decide what was best.

The guardian is not necessarily the person the child would live with, but the person who would make the best decisions on behalf of the child. For example, if we died during preschool and primary school, the best place for our DC would be with my sister (who lives in a different country) but if we died during secondary school, it would be in my DCs best interest to live with aged Grandparents who are close to their school (so exams not disrupted and they could go to university in UK). So our guardian (my sister) would make that judgement.

We are just about to write our wills. Our son is almost 15, so we are going to put DH's mum and my dad as guardians, as we know they would enable our son to stay in the family home and continue with his education. I wouldn't want to uproot him. We'll amend our wills when he becomes an adult. Our solicitor advised an 18-25 trust.

We haven’t made wills for this very reason.

Only one remaining grandparent left who is in ill health, elderly, and wouldn’t be suitable anyway.

DH has a sister, two years older, childless. Fairly involved aunt but lives 250 miles away and also has some struggles (OCD, autism) that would make it difficult for her to deal with kids.

She isn’t well off, but is quite settled in her small flat and has a small, established social group. I don’t think she would want to leave that area, but the area is not at all suitable for bringing up kids.

We don’t feel wealthy in our day to day lives and don’t have much money at the moment. However, due to insurances, if we were both to die the mortgage would be cleared and there would be a decent lump sum. Enough for somebody to live in our house and raise kids without any real money worries (they would still have to work, but it would provide a mortgage free home and a good cushion)….but I don’t know if sister in law would do it and there isn’t anyone else.

That’s the dumbest thing I’bet ever heard! You can make a will without naming a guardian, and have the law firm look after the money for the kids. At least do that. Your children will be very vulnerable with money in the bank but no trusted adult to manage it.

Not really.

There are arrangements in place for the money. That doesn’t have to be done via your will.

They money will be professionally managed on their behalf.

Without going into detail, certain assets such as pensions can be dealt with via expression of wish.

And the kids would get the rest via intestacy rules anyway.

Nevertheless, it is very much our intention to write wills and have a lawyer friend ready to do so as soon as we are ready, which will need to be soon due to pension changes next year.

I was just agreeing with other posters that guardians for kids is an issue for many.

But thanks for calling it the “dumbest” thing you ever heard, I guess…

I didn't.

We decided it wasn't necessary, chances are it would never be needed and that if it was, we would trust the people around us to make the right decision at that time. E.g. if it was exam times for older children, local GPs probably most suitable but if still tiny tots, further away aunts and uncles with similar aged DC might be better.

Not worth stressing over IMO.

Our eldest is. Our will states dh’s sister until eldest dc is 18, which he is now. They won’t have to leave home, give up pets, etc - family, friends and neighbours would all support.

Edited to add that dh’s sister and my cousin are executors and will remain so for now - finances would be managed by them.

Not saying that it's a contract ffs, nor is a christening necessary.

I was just saying that most people consider spiritual (not religious) and physical guardians the minute a baby is born (or even before) since they typically make the welfare of that child top priority from day 0.

And I was encouraging OP to look outside the family for welfare guardians - it's a much bigger pool and usually there are fewer jealousies/tensions about not being picked...

I hope that, when the time comes, I could put some friends down for that. They did a wonderful job with their own three, are all-round excellent people, and I aspire to be like them when I am their age! Thus, I think they would be very suitable guardians for any orphaned children.

I don't think that this would go down particularly well with my family, but my sibling and I are complete opposites, and I suspect that our children will be, too. My mother worries far too much, already has a lot on her plate, and puts everybody else first, to her own detriment.

I’m the cool, childless auntie who loves her child-free life and never wants kids. I would take my niblings on without a second thought in the event of their parents’ death.

Sounds awful but we never officially nominated anyone. We did vaguely discuss it and my sister would’ve wanted to take them, but she lives at the opposite end of the country from every other family member on both sides. I wouldn’t have been happy with that. So it was kind of left that between cousins and grandparents they would decide between themselves.

Thankfully not something I need to worry about now they’re legally old enough to look after themselves!