AIBU to want to help my daughter financially after redundancy?

[Icecreamlover63]

My eldest daughter has an 18 month old Son.

she has a good job and earns a good salary however her partner has just lost his job. We are all very worried which is completely understandable.
we have a lot of savings and I want to give my daughter some so she can manage the bills on her own however my husband says, ‘No’. We will still have over £320k even if we help out. Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable because all I want to do is help and I feel between a rock and a hard place.
I understand people on here have far greater issues and in the past my life has been anything but plain sailing but I’ve pulled through and now I can help I really want to.
thank you x

Of course you should help her. I get your husband maybe doesn’t want to swoop straight in and not allow them the opportunity to right the situation themselves but if they’re struggling it would be cruel not to help.

You've left out why your husband says no?

Well I suppose it depends on what you mean by help?

And if you are open to other interpretations of the word if your ideas don’t align with his.

What are your husband’s reasons for saying no?

Wouldn't her husband get some sort of redundancy payment whilst he looks for a job? Would you be gifting the same amount to your other children, or just this one? Would it be a gift or a loan?

My instinct would be yes help your daughter of course. But family dynamics are complicated and the things I have read on here are eye opening. Are there any reasons why your husband is saying no that you can/want to share for the collective mn wisdom to be able to advise?

Your daughter has a good job earning a good salary.

It’s her partner who needs financial help, not her.

I’d need to know much more about how they split their finances, and how much her partner covered the finances whilst your daughter was on maternity leave, and why exactly he’s “lost his job” before deciding if you should help out or not.

For me it would also depend on why he’s lost his job. Redundancy - hell yes I’d help. No question
sacked for gross misconduct? Not so certain

He lost his job because the small company he worked for folded he got a months redundancy. That’s it.

my husband wants him to work hard to get a job and feels if we give them help he would take his foot off the gas.

im so conflicted I want to support my husband because quite frankly he is amazing I’m so incredibly lucky. We are very happily married.
but equally I want to help my eldest daughter. My youngest daughter will be getting an inheritance from my husbands mum. The youngest won’t get it now as we can then be paid back

Do the actually want your help?

I'm confused, why is your youngest getting an inheritance but eldest isn't? Is eldest dd not your DH's?

Does your eldest dd and her husband have savings? Maybe let them try and manage it themselves for now and step in if they are at risk of not being able to pay rent/mortgage.

This is why you should always have some savings that your spouse doesn't know about.

Wait! One of your daughters is due an inheritance but not the other?

Ir your youngest is not yet old enough to receive it?

And you want to use that money to give to your eldest and wait for her to pay it back and make your youngest whole again?

No... that's madness, complicated, fraught with emotion madness

So you don't have money yourself but plan to borrow from your younger daughter's trust? No
If you have money and can afford it of course it's reasonable to help out your child but only if you can.
Maybe pay their mortgage for a bit?

I’m betting DD isn’t your DH daughter? Is that correct?

I would give her some money. He’s not your boss. He sounds bloody awful.

i was going to say the same. I bet he’d help like a shot if it were his DD. These men…

No, I wouldn't.

The redundancy payment is the compensation for losing his job. It's
You giving him/them money might affect any benefits they're entitled to. Which in turn means his National Insurance won't be paid.

I would suggest that if after a year if he hasn't got a job - any job- then review the situation again.

Of course you are not being unreasonable
We regularly help both our children and we don't have as much as you jn savings .
If you can't help your children with your money what are you saving your money for?
Is your husband her father? Do you have any money of your own?

How long has he been out of work for? Give him time to find a job and then think about helping in 6-8 weeks time
Rather than giving cash you can always do the weekly shop for them, pay for nursery etc

Is she his stepdaughter?

Do you want to give her a sum of money or just help with bills? I'd definitely want to help.

i think a bit more information is needed here.

how much money are you wanting to give away?
If you and DH are retired I have a degree of sympathy about not potentially wanting to give away a large chunk of savings in one go.
Have there been previous concerns about their money management?

Would he be open to a discussion about maybe, paying their council tax for a bit, or giving them a smaller sum weekly/monthly for a bit?

Guaranteed the eldest child isn’t your husband’s hence why he doesn’t want to help out @Icecreamlover63

As others have said it sounds like the children aren't both of yours hence the reluctance to help the eldest.

Ignoring that for a moment how long ago did he lose the job?
What is he doing about finding a new one?

I can understand wanting to step in and help but could they feel upset that you are having to do that. Also as your husband thinks, would this make him less likely to look for a job knowing that your DD might get further handouts?

Is your plan to give some or all of your youngest's inheiritance from her grandmother to your oldest because her partner lost his job? Or to try take it to repay yourself what you give the eldest? Your youngest daughter's inheiritance is not a shared family asset. Hopefully it's in a trust.

I think you are going to run into some major issues if that's your plan because it's extremely unreasonable.

Why can't he get out and look for a job before you try to give away someone else's money? Do they actually need money since your eldest is working?

I think your husband is right. If your son in law has handouts he will be less inclined to get a job 'now' as money won't be an issue. By all means step in at a later date if they are struggling but not right now. (£350k won't last as long as you think especially if you need care or other assistance further down the line.)

He is her father.
both of my children are getting an inheritance.
this money would be an advance from us to them to help them now.
both children would get the same.