AIBU to refuse the camp bed after hand surgery?

[NotAgainAbby]

I’m going into hospital tomorrow for reconstructive surgery on my hand, meaning it’ll be unusable for a couple weeks at least, certainly in a sling for the first few days anyway. The hospital is 90 miles away and I need to be there early, so DH and I had decided to stay nearer there tonight, and his brother and wife are going to stay at our house to watch DC6 and take him to school in the morning. They haven’t babysat before as we aren’t particularly close and not had a need for a sitter.
DH say they need to have our bed which I have prepared all fresh and clean, and that I should have the inflatable camp bed I’d set up for them in our home office, and to use that for a week or two myself so he won’t disturb me in the night (he snores, and DC gets in our bed often, and he does sometimes have a bad back).
I’ve just tried it and it’s so low to the ground I can’t easily get up with both hands let alone with one arm. It’s also a walk to the bathroom whereas our room has an ensuite (and my period has started today). He’s taken them to the pub for a quick drink. Am I right to tell him no, i’m having our bed to recover and he can have the camp bed, even after they’ve gone?
Ive never had surgery before and he says I’m being dramatic about it all.

Tonight me and DH are heading to a hotel near the hospital as it’s a 90 mile trip each way. I left it to DH to tell his brother where to sleep. It’s a double camp bed yes. I honestly didn’t think it’d be a problem them sleeping on it so hadn’t bought a second set of sheets yet-but will order some online. I’m so disappointed in DH’s attitude that I don’t even care where they sleep tonight, just that I want to sleep in my own bed rather than the camp bed going forward while I’m recovering. I’ll be home alone while he’s at work but I’m sure I will manage. He’s not had any ops and neither have I.

What a charming gent! I hope you get the bed

Definitely this.

If you have a combined washer-dryer, you could ask the in-laws to strip the bed and put the sheets on to wash+dry.

Are your in-laws likely to be more sympathetic than your DH to the fact that you're having surgery and will want to come home to a clean and comfortable bed?

It might not have occurred to them that you don't have a second set of bedding and that you're giving up your bed and your only clean bedding for them!

ive a washing machine but the bedding would need to go in two washes as it’s too much to put on one go. There’s a washing line outside or I hang over a door. We are on our way but he’s not talking to me.
Im considering a hotel once I’m home tomorrow night… leave him to it.

He's not talking to you?! What a complete and utter arsehole.

I'm sorry, OP. I guess all you can do is try to focus on yourself and he can just fuck off.

All the best for the surgery tomorrow

Sleep on sofa instead

I’ve had a lot of surgery and a lot of general anaesthetic, including hand surgery.

You’ll need a lot of rest when you’re back home. The anaesthetic and the painkillers knock you for six.

How the fuck does your husband expect you to get in and out of this camp bed while he’s at work, when you only have one working hand??

Honestly, I’d show him this thread. Or ask a nurse to speak to him when you’re discharged. I HOPE when he sees you tomorrow with the bandage and sling and sees how exhausted you are, he’ll realise. If not, he’s just useless and yes, I’d go to a hotel or to a friend’s.

Best of luck for tomorrow. Take all the drugs they offer, and drink lots afterwards x

@AnotherEmma You are not over reacting, Hopefully someone at the hospital will tell DH this. You grab your own bed back!

He is unbelievably unreasonable.

I broke my wrist and had a metal plate put in a few years ago.

I would not have been happy on a low camp bed, it's not supportive enough and my sense of balance was off for the first few days and I would have struggled to get up from it one handedly.

I could potter round the house doing general chores, but personal care and getting dressed was very difficult especially when I had the initial plaster cast. Putting toothpaste on a toothbrush was surprisingly tricky.

I don’t want to say this will happen, @NotAgainAbby, but I broke my wrist and had to have surgery to pin it back together. I was so, so ill for a week after the op - if I'd been struggling to get to the bathroom from a camp bed on the floor with one arm/hand out of use I just don’t know what I'd have done. I'd have been in a weeping heap of pain and despair, that’s for sure.

You need the bed. YANBU. Best of luck for the operation.

good on you op. If no one else in your marriage is supporting you through a challenge, you need to be your own champion, and pour all your energy into you- none for them. Tell him to think carefully about his behaviour as presumably he’s planning to get old and maybe unwell with you and at the moment he can sleep on a mattress in the floor after his next surgery, and you won’t be talking to him.

and do the hotel if he’s being a dick. Look after yourself.

Some people are very thoughtless. You see this when they don't give way to people on crutches, and how many people don't realise what needs to change to make places wheelchair friendly.
He maybe thinks you don't need to use hands/arms to get out of bed, but doesn't realise the difficulties you're facing. Explain, as if to a toddler. You both (or family) are going to face this and other physical issues as life goes on, and it's time he grows up about it, and thinks!
As an aside, it's kind your in-laws are helping when you're not even close.

I'm currently staying with my 83 year old Mother after a total knee replacement who has insisted that I have her double bed and not either of the perfectly good single beds, so no, you are not being unreasonable.

And tell the nurse / doctor prepping you and discharging you, with dh in the room. ‘HE wants me to sleep on a camp bed on the floor when i get back and is sulking because I’m planning to sleep in our normal height bed , so that’s the level of support I have at home.’

Ask them to wash the sheets during the day and make up the bed for your return if possible. I'd happily do this for you if I were them. In fact I would be asking you where spare sheets are before you left or washing them without asking you in these circumstances. They are there to help, it's not a holiday.
And yes you get the bed on return!

He's not ignorant, he's selfish.

He's gaslighting you because he doesn't want to be put out sleeping on the camp bed and dealing with your dc in the night.

No one needs to have had surgery to realise that of course the person recovering from surgery needs the bed, not a camp bed.

He's not being thoughtless at all.
If it was just thoughtlessness then as soon as op said she will need the bed he should have engaged his brain and realised that yes of course!

He's telling her she's being dramatic and now not talking to her, not the behaviour of someone who's just thoughtless.

Can he run into Primark or anywhere and buy a second set of bedding tomorrow whilst you are in hospital?
Duvet set and a fitted sheet.

When you get home, straight out of the packet and onto the bed, I wouldn't even care if it hadn't gone in the washing machine but there is absolutely no way, no way, would I be sleeping anywhere other than my own bed!
He is an absolute ARSE.

He’s angry because rhe op is saying I’m a real person with real person needs and she’s not supposed to be a real person who actually needs support.

I am currently recovering from a broken wrist. Thankfully I didn't need surgery, but there is absolutely no way I would have coped on a camp bed with only one useable hand! I could barely get out of my proper bed, and I had to make a pillow shelf to elevate my wrist, so my husband decamped to the spare room until I got my cast off.

You and DH sleep in the camp bed tonight, although it’s o big deal if your in-laws had it tonight.

going forward DH can sleep on the floor with DC and you can hav the double to recover

Book a hotel and make the dick pay for it

I recently had an op, minor procedure but I had a general and I was pretty out of it for 2.5 days afterwards. DH thought I was being weird beforehand when I told him I thought it was unlikely he'd be able to go out and leave me with DC for bedtime the night after the surgery but because he's not an asshole, quickly reversed course when he saw how out of it I was and then refused to leave me alone in the house for 2 days (organised my parents to babysit me when he had to take DC to activities etc). No f'ing way would he have asked me to sleep on an air mattress!!

Guests should obviously get bed, yeah.

But I don't see why you and your husband need to start sleeping separately? Presumably you don't usually. So why now? I can't see any purpose to it.

If there is a reason, then yes you should have the bed. But why separate at all? (Expect that he sounds a bit of a selfish dickhead, so there is that.....)